Reading this is so sad, I’m really sorry that you are having such a tough time. I agree with everything that Penny has said. We still love our sons, but even in recovery, I don’t think they are the same people that they once were. Your son is in raging addiction, and what you are going through is awful. If you had no money you wouldn’t be able to help him, and if you carry on like this, its where you will end up. Collectively we’ve spent thousands and thousands propping up our kids and I don’t know how much it has helped.
Please get help for yourself, talk to Drugsfam, they have a great helpline and will help you to feel less alone and find a way forward. If you are in danger from your son, then you need to tell someone – don’t be afraid to let the Police know what is happening. There’s no easy answers because all of the support services seem to be overwhelmed right now, but we are here for you.