Hi Fed up mom, please know this is not your fault. These insults he throws at you are the addiction talking and it wants what it wants and it doesn’t care about feelings. Don’t internalize these awful words, it’s hard not to, but my son has told me straight up to not listen to the things he says while intoxicated. It used to hurt me so bad, but now I try to remember that.
Something that helped me is to step back and read your own posts and pretend that this is someone else. You would look at that poor woman and say that she should not put up with this! And you don’t have to either. Another thing that helped me to stop giving my son money is that my counselor told me that every time I give him money or bail him out somehow, I am prolonging his addiction- ouch. But it’s true, they need to have a reason to change, and hitting hard times is often a reason.
Perhaps you can start by telling him you love him very much, but you are not going to assist in his addiction any longer. Be prepared for him to get very nasty because he will not want to be told no. My son told me I was abandoning him, and I didn’t love him, and he was going to be homeless etc. You could tell him that you will be turning off your phone during the night because you need your rest for work. Tell him if shows up at your house banging on the door, you will not answer and if he doesn’t stop, you will call the authorities and that will be on him. I continued to tell my son that I loved him and that I am here for him, but not in that way anymore.
You matter too and you need some semblance of peace in your life. I’ll be praying for you. ❤️