I think you make some really good points, and I don’t think people on here are easily offended 🙂 I guess nicotine is one of the hardest things to kick and is so widely available. I agree that its a way of not feeling the bumps in the road and stresses of real life – and not growing-up. It would be so good if we could figure out how to help them to face all of that, and deal with withdrawals etc along with it. When you’ve trashed your own life, wrecked your closest relationships, coming back from all of that without a prop is probably very hard – I can see why they would just want to keep going toward oblivion. If no one believes in you, at your darkest time, its hard to imagine how you could start believing in yourself. That doesn’t excuse their behaviour or mean that we should be their doormats, its just how it is. I think that is probably where groups/meetings are useful. Most of the success stories seem to include attending meetings and mutual support.
The biggest thing that has helped me has been not living with my son for a few months, its helped me to put boundaries back in place that had completely gone south. We had some big arguments when he first moved out, but now he is calmer, and back into a more normal life, he recognises that he’s been a nightmare. I feel so sorry for anyone putting up with this at home, its bad for everyone.