Hi Imagine Dragon, Bump and Penny are right about setting boundaries that protect your mental sanity. It’s so incredibly stressful, you are in a constant state of anxiety over the next awful thing they will say. When my son was at his worst a couple of years ago, he was constantly texting me saying an angel came to him to tell him that I am judgmental and a sinner. It went on for months on texts and emails, and then he began to go after my family members- just talking about it makes my anxiety go up. It was frightening- I thought he was losing his mind. But I couldn’t take it anymore and I did like Bump and said that I am blocking him until he stops all this. I didn’t speak to him for a couple of months- it was horrible.
Now that we are down the road, I see things in a different light. In some ways, I think it was a cry for help and the anger and recriminations that he directed at me were really the anger he had towards himself. Of course, I didn’t know it then and the pain is still there since talking about it makes me have emotion.
I told my son clearly that when you get like that, I’m out, until I decide. Just because it’s your son doesn’t mean that it’s not verbal abuse. THEY WANT TO WEAR YOU DOWN SO THEY CAN KEEP USING WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES.
When my son had his latest relapse a few weeks ago and started the angel talk again, I almost fell back in that hole again, but I remembered everything I’ve learned and I pulled it together and turned the focus back on me. Fortunately, he figured out that it was a mistake. He has been apologizing profusely for the things he said and has discussed it with his counselor- things I never thought possible years ago. He’s back on track again. I keep my heart protected though, I can feel it.
One more thing, it may or may not be the addiction talking when they are nasty, but the bottom line is, they are still responsible for the things they do even if they are under the influence. If you beat your wife while drunk, you’re arrested. If you kill someone while you’re behind the wheel of a car while drunk, you are charged with murder here in the US. I assume it’s the same there. One of the only ways to make him accountable is to do as Bump and Penny say, which is.’ I will not tolerate your language and behavior and here’s my boundaries’, whatever you decide what those are. Start small, it’s easier to stick to it. I like Bump’s idea of a set time so you can have some peace.
You can do this. Sometimes the only change that happens is when we do. Stay strong- you’re worth it. ❤️