Thank you Lindyloo and Bump for checking in on me it’s very kind. I’m doing alright today- just irritable. I had bad dreams last night that I was so angry with him, so I must be deep down. It’s hard not to when it seems that things should be fine with him. But then, I’m not in his head to know if there were stressors or triggers. The spring was just so rough with his seizures and all, I just really thought that would be enough with me nursing him back to health. I think it’s getting to me too because autumn is coming, which is such a beautiful time of year, and for the last 12 years, it’s been tinged with sadness because of his addiction. And then the holidays… I was looking forward to one that might have been ‘normal’. Who knows, maybe it will be? Maybe it won’t. At least I know that scenario.
As you all well know, it’s so hard to maintain composure so as not to trigger them in any way. But we’re human too, and I want to tell him things from my perspective. But I’ll wait on it until I feel I’m ready. It’s just that you put so much energy in to them when they look like they’re on the road to recovery and it’s a let-down. I don’t regret it- I’d do it again. Maybe someday it will stick. Maybe it won’t. Either way, I have no control clearly, and I need to keep living my life.
Eddie123- thanks for the tip on the charity there. I’m here in the US and thankfully have resources to help me through. Especially here, where everyone truly understands.
Lindyloo- I do want to read Kulstar’s story. Can you tell me which heading it’s under?