James –
It is too scary to reconcile is my guess. She still loves you, but she has found a safe place. A place that she can trust. It is very difficult to understand and accept that a person can change so much on drugs. I wish I could know what that walk actually feels like, but the risk is to great to try to find out – cocaine addiction. So, I have to accept your truth, which is too scary to accept. Scary is the best word that I have to describe this. It scares me so much. What is he capable of while addicted to cocaine? Fear of what could have happened and didn’t, but still could. It’s not a judgement of my addict – it is fear. I knew him for years before – and then watched him become something awful while looking right at him. If that addict was me, then that is even more scary. Then I would want to find a safe place too, a place I could trust. So, I wish that for you. I don’t have any answers, just the perspective of being in love with an addict.