Yes I hate to admit I have those thoughts too. Been going through it with my son for over 10 years , any drug he can get his hands on. This has now caused voices in his head and his mental health is a right mess. I’m only a few years younger than you and it’s exhausting. My life has felt likes it’s over for years as he lurches from one crisis to another. I wish they could see the pain they cause the people they supposedly love. I can’t offer words of support as really don’t know what to say but know you’re not a bad person for thinking this. Others are too. Much love
