It is 100% make or break time for us, although I’ve said this before. For my own sanity I cannot be sat here this time next year in this same situation. I feel like he’s taken from me what should have been the happiest years of my life, whilst our kids have been little, the things we could have done with the money he’s spent and when we have done things they’ve all been paid for on a credit card because he’s spent all our money so I have a constant feeling of nausea that we shouldn’t be doing whatever we’re doing because we can’t really afford it. You’re right in that rehab would be difficult as not only would we have to find the money in the first place we’d have no income whilst he was there although he could have probably been 5 times this year with what he’s spent. His dad is an alcoholic and he has no relationship with him because of this, he has grown up with this and I can see it eats him up. What I can’t understand is why he can’t just embrace the love he has got instead of wallowing in what he hasn’t had. It’s so frustrating because I really do think he wants to change which is why I’ve hung on for so long but at some point the wanting to change just has to stop being enough right? I wake up every day with a feeling of fear throughout my whole body and as much as I don’t think our children have any real idea of what’s going on they must sense my sadness, I can’t be giving them my best when I feel the way I do and I want them to grow up with a healthy idea of what a relationship is not one where Mum does everything and Dad shows up when he pleases.
Sending positive vibes for 2024, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. It’s heartbreaking that you’re going through this too xxx