Hi Lottier.
So he was seeing them but I withdrew contact a few months ago because he began to deteriorate whilst they were in his care .
Bit of an essay this sorry – so when I moved out my husband saw our children every weekend through mutual agreement in between the binges but this was all micro managed by me drug testing , assessing him on drop offs and picks ups it was intense and then when they were with him my constant thoughts were if they were safe and if he was managing.
I look back now and feel silly and used , I backed the weekly visits because although our relationship couldn’t be saved I thought him being around the children may give him the kick up the backside basically to get clean for good and be a proper daddy again ( I was enabling him basically ). For a few months this worked well and the kids were happy , he seemed committed although I knew he was using and cutting it off in time to have the children .
but gradually he became increasingly stand offish at drop offs , our eldest started telling me he was sleeping for half of the days whilst the children had to entertain themselves ( they are all under 7) , occasions I went to pick up and they were up but not dressed , fed and left to roam about the house whilst he slept like a zombie – obvs withdrawing . Then he started testing positive and being aggressive with me on multiple occasions . And then to the point that he would say no point testing as had been out so deliberate as he knew they were coming to him in less than 24 hours and I couldn’t plan anything for the kids or myself anymore .
family both mine and his were telling me he wasnt coping and questioning the arrangement , solicitors advised the same for safeguarding and following a couple of more serious incidents between me and him I stopped contact ( he can call whenever he wishes though ) .
I tried supervision with his family before I stopped visits completely – turns out they couldn’t be trusted and said he didn’t need testing if someone was with him and the children . I did not agree, the safety of our children is paramount and he cannot be trusted and sees no harm in driving them whilst high . So that ended there . I’ve told him he needs to raise through court and get access , he’s also advised he will go for 50/50 custody .
He now despises me as he said it’s uncalled for yet we can go a weeks at a time without hearing off him at all ?! , he has also began to be awkward in the divorce and won’t accept he has an issue at all – it’s me and everyone else against him ?! He told me last month in an honest lucid moment that he took the p1ss out of me letting him have the kids because he never thought I would stop him seeing them .
One day hopefully somewhere in the future maybe he will be able to get sorted and understand my actions when he’s clean and functional . until that day I will continue to raise our children whether he’s around or not .ad I said he’s still constantly using or not functioning at all because of the withdrawal . So who knows what will happen .
Just becareful with your precious little girl- you do what you feels right by her and you ( not him ) cause you will feel guilty for the action he has forced you to take and he and others will pile pressure on you .. but she is your child and her safety and happiness is key – stay strong and stick with your gut xx