I wish I could meet someone like you in person, and talk to you about all this. If I wrote down my experiences, it’d be a long and boring message!! But damn I wish I could have someone to share it all with and help.
You are not alone in all this. I could’ve literally written your message myself.
The good thing is that you have boundaries. In the beginning of my relationship, I would get ridiculously worked up with his text messages til 3am in the morning. But I would then force myself to put my phone down, and ignore him. The messages still kept coming through, and like you, they’d sometimes be caring, loving, sometimes accusing me of cheating, sometimes trying to break up with me, and sometimes just pure nasty texts towards me. 2yrs down the line, I just ignore him when I start to notice he’s on drugs.
He does it now once a week. He doesn’t want to do it, he wants to quit. But everytime he tries, the cravings come hard, and he gets angry, and then he gives in.
And like you, I still haven’t left him. My bags were packed and I’ve spent a week at my parents 2 times. But as always, I’ve gone running back. I can see where it’ll end up one day, and we’re even sleeping in separate rooms at the moment, but I just can’t leave. But I know I need to.
I hate cocaine. It ruins lives, and not just the users.
I hope you figure it all out soon. Yes, walking away is the right answer, but just know you’re not the only one who doesn’t know how.
Sending you so much love x