Hi, after reading your post I can really relate to how you are feeling because I too have come 2nd best to this horrid drug although my partner smoked it still does’nt make it hurt any less. I too have two children who have not got a clue about there daddy’s addiction none of my family know about it either so in a morning when I get up I put my make up on and wear it as a mask to face the day when all I want to do is break down. My partner has never been violent towards me let me make that clear but the mental torture is just as bad the pawning of my jewellery which always meant alot because he was the one who bought it me the debt and the never ending heartache of loving someone who loves something else more. My partner has just done a 2 week stint in rehab and is currently clean but the fear that he will give up is even worse I have dedicated 18yrs of my life to this man and all I have got is heartache and dissapointment ( and my beautiful children but that goes without saying). I am giving him this one last chance and if he fails he wallks out of mine and our childrens life for good no matter how much it will destroy me I cannot live like this any more. My fear is though that he will be ok for the next few years and then let me down again he is all I have ever known and I would be probably be damaged goods to anyone else I feel why do we love these men. I want someone who will fight for me and love me the way I love him. The addiction to this drug has horrid consequences for the families after all we dont get a choice. I hope everything works out for you and just know you are not alone xx
