Oh hunny im so sorry. Its heartbreaking isnt it even more so when you feel like youve taken a step forward to then go ten steps back. My opinion could be one of two things the first valium and heroin together intensifies the high did you say he was prescribed a blocker ? It could be that he has used and the heroin alone is having no effect so by mixing it with valium hes trying to get some sort of feeling from the heroin. The prescribed meds should be enough to stop the withdrawels to be honest so if he is still using its likely to be psycological. To give you hope the first time my partner got clean (lasted nine years) he used on top of suboxine for a short while despite getting no feeling from it as he claimed he missed shooting up (gross i know). The programme he was on had therapy where he discussed this feeling and gradually the psycological cravings went to. The other option he is telling the truth, funnily enough my partner messaged me two days ago to say hed taken 200mg of valium to try to kill himself he slept two days straight and now claims he is on day four of being clean cus they helped with the with the withdrawels (like you one step forward i am ready and waiting for the ten steps back). The last option is – he is still using. Unfourtantly only time will tell the truth and i know when your in this situation every minute feels like a lifetime. You can purchase heroin specific drug tests online that will not shoe positive even if he has taken valium they only show positive for heroin and are quite cheap if he has nothing to hide he shouldnt mind. Im guessing you know about enabling and i hope you gave him no money they always say an addict has to reach rock bottom before they are serious about getting help. Ive had times where he has rung me saying hes starving he doesnt want money he wants food you have to say no. The more uncomfortable he is the more likely he is to quit. All i can advise is love from a distance. Try to put him to the back of your mind grieve for him and continue your life as if hed died. I know that sounds odd maybe harsh but its helped me. Let him no you love him and your there for him once hes clean but you will not enable his drug use of any drugs. Then cross your fingers and pray so hard that he does this. I know all this is easier said than done. Take a deep breath and live life for you and the children. Be there for him but dont let him become your life. Move forward – he can either move forward to or move back but no longer let his decisions move you back with him. Be strong. Let me know how this progresses. X
