Well you know how there twins and all and we seem to leave the same life. I picked TNSBH up yesterday evening for him to stay the weekend. The drug tests are still negative for heroin but hes still taking gabapentin. We get back here and straight off hes like whats for dinner i say bolognase. Hes like to you have any wine im like i Said i think theres a bottle of white in the fridge he looks in and says oh i dont like that cheap stuff. Now this is coming from a person who doeant have a penny to his name. I cleaned the house yesterday top to bottom as i new he would be over. Then he started moaning at the 8 year old at which point i glared at him. He said well someone needs to have some authority in this house your clearly not coping. Well that was it i say red how dare he walk in here and moan about everything from the fact i used value tinned toms in dinner to the fact i have no wifi when its cus his bloody behaviour has left me so skint. What a joke. He also asked me why i seemed stressed and tired. Then like you it hit me.. im not even sure i love him anymore. I dont know im so confused.its almost like i dont want him but the thought of him happy with someone else kills me. Maybe i love him and hate him at the same time. Is that even possible. Right now i think hes a selfish pig and i know i deserve so much better. He says he loves me but there just words. I think i resent him to much for all he has put me through and i think he resents me for copeing so well. Its like the relationship has died and we both feel it but we hang on for some reason. I havent slept all night no doubt the bags under my eyes will be 10 times worst today. Im actually dreading spending the day with him but if he wasnt here id miss him. What a mess.
