Im right there with you girl ! I think your feelings are normal if there not then ill be in the funny farm with you cause right now i have the exact same thing. I miss him like crazy the thought of him with someone else is unthinkable. I get so excited when hes coming over make an effort to look nice. Now comes the problem i expect him to come to the door give me a hug say hes SORRY hold me and make all the hurt go away. But he doesnt he comes.in rolls his eyes about something starts critizing me and plonks in front of the tv. Ill tell you why we feel like we do disapointment because our men never act how we want them to they are oblivious to the pain they have caused and that is because they are selfish. I find when he comes over i have to be all sweetness and light so as not to rock the boat when really i want to rip his head off but yes like you i love him. Between you and me i think i hold onto him out of hope he will become the man he should (i know he never will) and out of fear of never finding anyone else. I have asked myself if i could look into the futre and see myself with a wonderful man who loves me and the children and i was truely happy would i be doing all this shit and the answer is probably no. We need to forget the past to move forward but it is hard when there is so much pent up anger which at some point will explode. I understand about the children to dare i say it but mine seem happier and better behaved now hes not here. Infact the whole house seems calmer. Can i grow some balls n tell him to f off nope course i cant cause i cant imagine him not in my life. So yep i understand i have the same questions as you but i dont have the answers although if im honest with myself i do have the answers im just not brave enough to do what i know is the right thing cause theres always hope that one thing our relationships seem to constantly based on hope and dissapointment. Xx