I am the exact same if I could see a future with someone else I would’nt be doing this either I just dont want to feel paranoid anymore but at same time I cannot let go. Time is also something I don’t want to waste on a man thats just going to hurt me again n again and like you said its the fear of never finding happiness again with someone else or even to trust someone else. I picked him up other day n he looked like a tramp off street whereas I tried to make an effort with make up etc yet he can turn up looking like that I told him aswel n his mum said we shouldn’t get on his case cus it doesn’t make him feel good and I felt like punching her told her straight there is no need for him to look like that I am one that has two other kids to look after he jus has to look after hiself n he cannot even do that. I just dunno anymore I dont wanna argue with him and at the same time I cannot help it like I say dog wiv a bone I even think just let it go but I can’t cus I need him to feel the hurt I do.
Thank you for just understanding. Xx