Hello,
I’m really sorry you’ve been dealing with this. Has anything improved since you wrote?
I’m commenting because I’m in a similar situation with my dad. When he’s sober he’s great; funny, intelligent, kind, loving and my best friend. After drinking too much for a long time, he had a major breakdown after the end of a relationship a few years ago where he drank non-stop for months on end, finally ending up in a&e, barely alive. Since then he’s got clean and then relapsed again, going through this same cycle at least 3 times in 3 years. I just found him today, he’s relapsed again and been drinking solidly for 3 days in bed.
The help of my dad’s friends has been invaluable to me during all of his relapses, especially because I’m his only child and he has no parents, his remaining family live far away and he and my mum aren’t together now. His friends have staged interventions and nursed him back to health while I’ve been living abroad. But I know they won’t be able to do this forever and he’s already lost friends because they can’t cope.
Are there any family friends/other family who can help you? Anyone he respects and might listen to?
Ultimately I think maybe there is little we can really do except try to support them to make their own decision and to encourage them to deal with the root causes when/if they are sober. But it is so painful to watch them self destruct and sometimes I feel like I’m grieving for him because the real him isn’t there when he’s like this.
In your case I would probably call an ambulance if he is coughing up blood etc to check what’s causing it. That’s happened with my dad before and the hospital scared him into getting sober (for a while..)
Anyway I guess we just try to support them, whilst also trying to look after ourselves and our own mental health. I hope things have improved for you and your dad but if not, you’re not alone.