Hi Rita,
I know that this is so difficult but there are people that can help. The Icarus Trust is a charity that offers support to people who are dealing with a loved one’s addiction. If you get in touch, one of our experienced trained volunteers would be able to talk with you and may be this would help you to make some sense of it all and find a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.