Im just sitting hear,as i do every day.
from the moment i open my eyes in the morning,until i go to bed,my boy is continuasly in my every thought.So im thinking,this is no life.Im 66 years old,and life should not be like this.Thinking about my son,is weighing me down.When he spent 8 weeks living in my lovly little flat,last summer,I took good care of him,i waited on him hand and foot,made sure he took all his medication”after his heart attack.Turned my little porch way,into a walldrobe.I loved every single day.He went to work every day.Came home,had a shower,got dressed,ate a propper dinner,went to his CA meetings.Home by 10pm,and he was looking great.Such a handsom boy.My heart was bursting with pride.I told my self,this is what he needed,the love of a a caring mum.I lost count of how many times i told him,how proud i was of him.He managed to save up enough money for a deposite,and a months rent,to move into his lovly new home.I thought it was two soon to leave me,but he felt so ashamed,that he was sleeping with me in my bed.Honestly,i was under no ellusion.But i am a mother,who,s son is a crack head.I can believe,how i have got through the past 18 years.Theres nothing i dont know about crack”or the devil i call it”.I am aware,that ,nothing can help my son,and the only thing that makes him feel normal,is the crack pipe.As iv said,in a previouse post,it,s a waiting game.But surly,this hell,must come to an end soon.Cos the thought of me burying my son,is two much to bare.There must be so many mums dads sisters and brothers,sharing this hell.My heart aches for each and every one of you.Just wanted to talk,so thanks for listening.Eavy.PS.MY THOUGHTS ARE STILL WITH BROkEN MUM,And hope she is ok,.
