Hi there,
So sorry to read both your posts especially as you don’t have family and friends around you that you can talk with.
If you would like to speak with someone who would understand what you are living with please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with a loved one’s addiction. Maybe talking to one of our trained volunteers would help you.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.