[lilgunner]

Hi, I’m not sure why I am here, this appears to be a thread for family members.

Basically, a really good friend of mine who I’ve known for several years got intouch last year and we started talking on a personal level, flirting and getting to know one another. He told me pretty much straight away that he had previous history of cocaine abuse and was in recovery and doing loads better.

Several months in talking via text, his messages became more peculiar, which made me question was he still using or relapsed, I didn’t say anything to him. We arranged to meet a couple of times, but at the last minute he backed out. He was apologetic and said that he relapsed. I expressed to him how sorry I was to hear that and if he needed to talk I was there for him.

Around Christmas time of 2019, he started telling me he was close to where I lived and sleeping on another womans sofa, they had been up doing cocaine together. He said some pretty messed up stuff whilst high, almost like he wanted me to be jealous. He was talking about womens boobs, wanting someone to snort cocaine of his penis and just vile fantasy talk. I blocked him on whatsapp and decided the best thing was to just stop contact as I really didn’t know him that well and best to call it quits. He messaged again via normal text and said he needs to sort himself out, go to rehab and finally address his problems. He said he has no one special in his life and like the big idiot I am I genuinely felt sorry for him and kept a line of communication open.

Last year, we managed to meet up a couple of times not for long periods but it was finally good to see him, nothing has happened between us in a sexual way, but he was in a position where we agreed to take things slow and I was more than happy to be an ear if he needed a friend to talk to and just to see how things progress.

Since the last year, I’ve watched cocaine slowly gobble him up, from a once a month use, to as much now as 2 times a week.

Every time he is as we say “on one” he becomes a completely different character, almost belittling me and trying to make me jealous, as he knows from our deep conversations about his problems I have grown fond of him.

I know I should run a mile and not look back, but I do genuinely believe there is a kind side to him, but the addiction has eaten away at him.

Does someone on cocaine know what they are saying, or do you think in his head he is using the cocaine to fulfil urges he wouldn’t dream of doing when back to normal.

About a month ago, we agreed to block one another 6 weeks previously to that, I explained my wellbeing was suffering as I was constantly worrying about his next session, it got to the point he would be messaging me and if I didn’t respond he would follow it up with images of a supposed woman he was seeing. Strange thing is when he is seeing these women he sits on whatsapp for more that 12+ hours whilst high. He uses coke to keep awake and watches porn and talks to women. We both refer to these episodes as sessions. He does contact me straight away when he’s back to himself but I’m questionning if this is all part of how he acts out. Those 6 weeks it felt nice not to be disturb and obviously as a human being I till hope he was doing ok, you never want to hear that news that someone you care about as lost their battle to addiction. I’ve lost many family members to drink and drugs so I’m familiar about the end result, something I’ve spoken to him about as a way to show him he is not invincible.

Anyway, 6 weeks into no contact I received a message from another number, him saying he was on drugs and doesn’t want to argue. I ignored him initially but did say to let me know when he was back to himself as that way I know he hasn’t overdosed. He called me off his face, sounded like the soul had been ripped from his chest, telling me how he just called his boss by accident and she told him to stop talking.

We spoke a couple days later, he way so f**ked off with himself saying what an idiot he was and how for the 6 weeks we wasn’t talking he had been clean for 4 of those and how he feels so bad that I had to hear him like that.

Again, I thought benefit of the doubt, he seems a lost soul and genuinely don’t think he has many people to turn to. I still have a connection towards him, but slowly I’m putting a barrier around myself.

A week later he was back on it, one word message, Hi. Since then he has been on one twice more.

I know I should just keep him blocked and I’m not looking for judgement or for anyone to tell me I’m an idiot.

All I want to know is does he mean the stuff he says when he is high as this is the bit that’s messing with my head as when he is normal he is so sincere. Sometimes he ignores me when I ask how he’s doing in the week, just that I know he isn’t on drugs and sometimes he ignores me and says he feels guilty not knowing what to say to me because of embarrassment as he knows he messes every up, lets himself down and everyone around him. I’ve told him I am the least judgemental person he will ever meet.

I’ve expressed to him I don’t want a full on relationship with him and it’s getting to the point our friendship is slowly coming to an end as it’s draining being on the outside looking in.

What’s the best way to support him and should I just block contact all together. I feel like I’m losing a battle.

Has anyone else experienced the above.

Thanks.

[lilgunner]

Can anyone share their experience. I feel like a idiot.

[debc]

Hi LilGunner,

Welcome to the Forum.

I am the Mum of an addict, alcohol and cocaine, he is doing well at the moment, but it has been a very long and distressing road, the only way I can describe it is, it is like living in hell.

Cocaine is an evil drug and completely changes people, they lie, manipulate, do anything to get money, and hurt the people that help them the most.

They will only ever give up when they want to, no matter what anybody says to them.

I can’t tell you what to do, and wouldn’t dream of it, but if you read other stories on here you will see the devastation it brings to families, people in relationships.

It is an illness, and it’s very sad to see, but they are the ones who have to want to give up and seek help, you only hope one day that they do.

Take care of yourself first and think what you want to do. Keep in touch on here, lots of great advice from people in similar situations.

Dx

[lilgunner]

Hi Debc,

Thanks for your response, it means so much.

I have been reading lots of people’s experiences on this site and for ages it feels like I am going out of my mind.

I understand that if he wants to stop it must come from within. He has said so many times he wants to stop, I’ve even had the psychotic phone call where he’s crying, in pain begging for help, but then by the end of the week he does it again.

Nothing as happened between us, which I know I am in a better position than most people, but it’s the constant worry. I suppose in some ways when I know he’s on one atleast I can keep a friendly watch over him, knowing if or not he wakes up.

I just feel so stupid, like why am I even bothering. Suppose it’s just who I am, I hate the thoughts of anyone struggling. I really hope he gets the help one day, and maybe that’s what I am hoping for, that message of how he’s been clean and not used in a few months and on the road to recovery.

Addition is bloody horrible, a wicked disease. I’ve lost my Dad, Grandad, 2 uncles and more recently my Niece’s Mum. It’s torture as I know the eventual outcome and I really don’t want to hear of another person in close proximity losing their battle to addition.

X

[Author]

Posts