[cant-take-no-more]

sick of seeing these posts..I understand its difficult to keep ontop of things, but they are really annoying

[concerned-mum]

I agree…More needs to be done…there is nothing more upsetting when you turn to this site for genuine support from people and then get Witch doctors replying to your posts ….its irritating

[sk]

Its not your fault. Addicts are selfish and know exactly how to pull on your heart strings. Sometimes you have to step back and think about yourself for a change and you should’nt feel guilty for that.
I feel that we are the victims in all of this at least they had a choice in the begining we don’t get that opportunity, we are just the people who have to pick up the pieces time and time again. I hope your son will one day realise how lucky he is to have you as his mum.xx

[icarus-trust]

I’m sorry that you have found yourself in such a horrible and difficult situation.
I work for the Icarus Trust, a charity which supports people who are affected by other’s addictions. If you contact us we would be able to give you some help and support.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Its a free service so hopefully its worth a try.
I really hope that you can get it sorted!

[karen]

This gives me strength as a mother of a addict

And it makes me feel better to here these words you are spot on.

[sunny]

My situation is very similar. Difference is I have given up and have done so for many years. I direct my full attention to my partner, my daughter her husband and three little grandchildren and other family members. Sadly my son has become a lost cause. He is now on the methodone treatment. I leave his future with him and the mental health team. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia at aged 21 but was going wacky before. He was an A grade student at a Grammar School. A brilliant student, musician, gymnastics, horse rider, skier, you name it he was good at it. He is now middle thirties and looks like a walking skeleton. We are all amazed he is still alive. Heartbreaking? yes. But life is for the living and he is barely alive. Extremely frightening person to be around. You win some you lose some. That is life.

[vince]

Sorry for the bad English in my story.
Vince

[icarus-trust]

Hi Vince,
Sorry to hear your story. You have done a fantastic job trying to support someone with an addiction and I can see how hurt and angry you are. Sadly many people are affected like yourself and its really hard. I hope you find some support for yourself by posting on this site.
If you would like to talk to others with similar experiences as yourself, Icarus Trust is a charity which helps people like you who are dealing with supporting an addict.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.

[vince]

Just to let you all know, that the friend I was helping has past away, what a waste of a young life.
I will now spend my time helping to put a stop to drugs and those low life dealers, I know it’s also up to the person taking them to stop but from my time spent with my friend it’s also very hard for them because drugs are far to easy to get hold of.
I hope I can do some good in the years to come.
R.i.p Stacey xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Vince
So sorry to hear the end of the story. I am sure that you will support lots of other people in memory of your friend.
Good luck.

[derekb]

You have been having, and still are, a terrible time and it is natural to feel that you could have done things differently and therefore fell as though it is I n someway your fault. It is not! There are thousands of people just like you, affected by people that they are close to that have a problem with addiction. The Icarus Trust was set up to give somebody like you the opportunity to talk things through with a ‘Family Friend’ who can help find some support for you while you support your family. The Icarus team are dedicated and confidential, just send an email to help@icarustrust.org to make contact.
The Icarus Trust is proud to be working with Adfam.

[icarus-trust]

I’m so sorry that you feel so alone dealing with the pain and heartbreak that watching the effect of your brother’s addiction is bringing you. You sound such a great sister.
Sadly lots of people are dealing with the impact of addiction in their family and I’m really sorry that you don’t feel that you have been supported.
I wonder if you have considered getting in touch with The Icarus Trust, which is a charity that supports families and friends of addicts. We offer a free service and it might help to talk to one of our ‘Family Friends’. These are trained volunteers who have all had experience of addiction in their families. One of these would listen to you and understand what you are going through. They could also signpost you to other help if you need it.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really do hope that you will be able to get some help and support.
Good luck with everything.

[helplesssis]

Thank you for your replies. I have tried encouraging my brother to attend Antidote but each time he shrugged it off, or said ok then would say he couldn’t go.
He is on bail after police found his drugs in his home. He had more than he should of, chemsex, so they want to charge him with intent to supply. I am devastated. The thing is, while he seems to be using less, I know when he lies, his still carrying on taking so much and those negative friends, still latching on to him, turning up at his high. I am so scared that the fear and worry is going to cause him more harm as his had many accidental overdoses. He tells me he has spoken to his local drug clinic but each time I ask how it went, he says his going the day after.
When the police arrested him, he was taken to hospital. A few days later the hospital phoned him asking to see him from the toxicology department. He went yesterday. He never lets me go with him. he recently had a scare after lump on his groin area. He was called back twice but he told me he got the all clear.
He is so down. I asked about the toxicology app yesterday. He knew I was worried but he didn’t even call me. Until at night. Saying it was just routine.

Please can you tell me is that normal procedure. The way he is being so close to Christmas, making such an effort and even getting a tree for the first time, like its going to be our last xmas together.

He hasn’t told me much about the police incident. All I know is they found class a and b. As well as crystal meth, g, he uses methedrone, sleeping pills, Viagra and weed.

The club drug clinic were lovely giving me advice but its so worrying and unfair that they cannot help him due to him not being in the catchment area. Out of everything I have read, The club drug clinic is the most suitable and experienced clinic in which specialises in his situation due to the many things they deal with. I totally understand about the funding. But when someone overdoses at least 3 times in a matter of weeks and nearly dies, is covered in injuries, the dangers, yet no where else specialises in so many things in one place.
He is known in the Gay clubbing scene in London. He has nothing to be ashamed of. he still doesn’t accept he needs rehab.

[macey]

My heart goes out to you why do we have to suffer their addictions to i have the same with my son 7years a alcoholic got clean then gambling and now pills constantly on our case draining every penny like ylou said could write a book one of my many sayings theres only one person who can help them and its themselves easy said then done

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
I’m so sad to hear how you are suffering dealing with the impact of your son’s addiction. It is very hard.
I wonder if you would find it useful to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are dealing with the addictions of family members or friends. We have experienced trained volunteers, called Family Friends, who you could talk to if you feel that would be helpful.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that it might help to make sense of all you are feeling.

[sandra]

I also have a son of 37 who has been a drug addict for 14 years with brief periods of being clean. I sympathise so much with you as feel at the end of my tether. He has cost us a fortune over the years and as a result I am still working at 69! I cant turn my back on him and feel completely trapped. Others in my family are critical of me and say that I am his enabler but I try hard not to help him all the time just when I think he is in dire trouble. Sometimes I just wish it would all end one way or the other, so fed up with all the lies but think I am his only real friend so will try and keep on going.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Helpless Sis,
Sadly there are no magic answers so hope that you will get in touch with our charity Icarus Trust. We have people there to support family and friends of addicts like yourself.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

[ruth95]

Hey,
I completely relate to what you are saying, My boyfriend was a law graduate and working for hiscox when he was introduced to crystal. He became a heavy user of crystal meth and G for a year, he was also a very prominent part of the south London gay clubbing scene.
And as you say I have never seen a drug like it. It destroys people and there brains in a terrifying way.
I remember being knelt on the floor with his head in my lap after an overdose on G in a run down lock up.
I thought there was no saving him but I stuck by his side, to the point where both of us (originally being comfortable middle class people) ended up being homeless even though I never used I refused to leave him. I just kept believing and telling him I believed he could get better even when part of me really thought I couldn’t save him. Even now 3 months into his abstinence recovery he still shows episodes of slight psychosis from how the drugs ruined his mind but these episodes are getting further and further apart and he is getting stronger.
And is so appreciative and shows no signs of ever going back.
We moved out of London and cut all ties from anyone from our past.
It can happen people do get better

[icarus-trust]

Hi Jasmine,
I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties, and thank you for sharing your story.
If you would like to talk with people who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who have to deal with a loved one’s addiction. Talking to one of our experienced trained volunteers may help you.
Please contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Just in case you need it you could contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline, as they can give you advice on your situation and what to do next. Their number is 0808 2000 247 and it is free to call, open 24 hours a day, and calls are confidential. You could also look at Women’s Aid’s website, they are the national charity working to keep women and children safe and they have a directory of local support services which you can find here – http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp
All the very best.

[ruth95]

But still not a day goes by that I can watch him walk out the door and not be terrified of him bumping into the wrong person or being offered something that will take everything we built together from us once again.

[wendy]

i have just had to ask my son to leave and my story is the same it has been going on for 7 years and it has made me ill to the point i find it hard to live a normal life

[icarus-trust]

Hi Jema
Sorry to hear your story but glad your mum is around so that you can still see your boys.
Sounds like you are trying really hard which is great. If you need any other support The Icarus Trust is a charity which may be able to help you. We offer a free service of people who can talk to you and put you in touch with any help you might want.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck, keep going!

[icarus-trust]

Hi
I’m so sorry to hear that your son’s addiction has got worse and has been making your life even harder. Last time you posted I told you of The Icarus Trust, a charity that was set up to support people like yourself who are affected by the addiction of a family member. We offer the free service of ‘Family Friends’. These are our experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with. They would understand what you are dealing with and maybe talking to one of them would help you find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some help and support for yourself.

[cant-take-no-more]

Jema, keep going Hunni, cause your kids will be so proud…you can be there for them. I know it’s hard, and will always be hard, however,it looks like your making better choices..good luck Hunni xxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Jolie,
Thanks for sharing your story. That’s really tough for you. It must be hard to know what to do especially now you have the baby. I’m sure that you have some very hard decisions ahead of you.
If you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through, please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that is there to support people who are having to deal with the impact of a loved one’s addiction. Talking with one of our trained volunteers might help you to work out what you want to do next. This is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Wishing you all the best.

[mslost]

Hi Jolie, I am very new to this, I found out on Saturday 5th November that my 27 year old son has been taking Cocaine over the last 4 years, he has twin boys of 19 months and a lovely fiancee who has been treated apaulingly by him. I have commented on your post as it resonates with me as being similar to my son’s situation, I have not always got on with my son’s girlfriend and it has manifested over the last week that he has instigated a lot of the bad feeling between us in an attempt to prevent us communicating and finding out his lies, but now we are talking independently of him and the truth is coming out, he has been very defensive and still try’s to play us off, I have asked him numourous times if he wanted to be in his relationship with his girlfriend as they always seem to be arguing, he says he does but he has also told me that she has changed him to a person he doesn’t want to be and he was happy before he met her! (It wasn’t her who changed him it was the cocaine that he chose to take).
I have a friend whom in fact is my son’s godmother and she also works as a drug and alcohol counsellor, I spoke to her yesterday and she told me, firstly only my son can get the help he needs, you cannot rescue him, (look at the cycle of change in wanting to give up drugs on the internet) and secondly he has chosen to take the cocaine and he has to be responsible for his actions, his girlfriend, his son’s, myself and his brother and sister did not choose for this to be happening in our lives and we need to make choices to look after ourselves and each other, the advice I passed on to my son’s girlfriend was that she was the only person who could make decisions for her and her son’s but for her own safety and her sanity she has to put her and her son’s needs first, if she chooses to stay with my son (her parents also want her and the boys to go to them) she has to put boundaries/rules in place and any consequence threatened has to be followed through, I feel like I’ve rattled on a bit but I wanted to give you the picture, I wish you well, just remember you and your child didn’t choose this he did, x

[lou]

Thanks for all of your kind supportive comments. I have taken a while to reply because I had to get away for a few days. I can’t tell you how it has helped to know others understand how you feel. It does not stop the pain inside and I miss my son everyday. I have only heard from him once since I asked him not to contact me until he is serious about stopping drugs. The text I had was, that he will be homeless soon and he has no money and no food. I have heard this over and over again.
I have made the choice to let him get on with it. How I am struggling with that. But I know I have to or it will go on and on. I have told him, I am here when we can have a relationship like mother and son, not a relationship that is build on dependency and enabling. His choice.
Thanks again for your kind words. Please remember the longer we mums continue to give the wrong kind of support. The longer we will endure this horrible relationships with our children. I long for a lovely relationship with the son I was had, but I also no that is not possible at this time. From it goes on and on and on.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi Lou, your story could be mirror image of mine, and its heart breaking but I stopped enabling my son some months ago…during his 24 years he has been in YOI twice and did several weeks in prison afew weeks ago. I got the rest of the family on board and had to explain what a lying, thieving , manipulating person he had become…Ive cried till I thought my heart would break, and felt ashamed, disgusted, annoyed, sad, empty….Now however I feel empowered in the realisation that whatever I try to do to help, will never be enough……Its time he grew up, smelt the coffee and dealt with things …I wont ever stop loving him, and will offer all the support in the world, but im not making it easy….I dont take him to his counsellor anymore, or sort things out with the appointments..Im done!!! At the moment, he is doing everything in his power but I know aswell as every parent of an addict that it could be short lived….I am proud to say I have stopped enabling him….BUT, Im also proud that he is trying to sort his life out..its down to him!!!!

[lolipop]

Hello I read your post and really feel for you . You are not responsible for the choices your dad makes and neither are you responsible for “fixing ” him . He has made some bad choices in his life you don’t have to put up with them sweetheart , you deserve your own life and happiness . No one can tell you what to do only you will have to live with your choices much the same as your dad lives with his .. When the disease of addiction is active it’s s terrible thing for families and loved ones to witness . You can’t fix your dad only he can do that and he has to really want too . I’m sure you know all this in your heart , be kind to yourself you deserve it I’m sorry I’m not more help but there really is no easy answer for any of us . Take care, Lolipop xx

[cant-take-no-more]

Lollipop is right…your dad chose his addiction, it had nothing to do with you or any other member of the family…addicts are good at blaming everyone else…you have made your life for the time being in Canada,and I applaud you for that. I think your father is very lucky the family are trying to help. And his anger speaks volumes, cause he is probably more angry at himself…you can’t save him, only he can,but if and when he decides to get help will be the time that he needs the support….your mum sounds like a wonderful woman, has she sought help and support from anyone?cause living with an addict really wears you down….let us know how things go..sending strength and love xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Charlotte,

I am so very sad to read your post. You really have so much to cope with at the moment and I can see how hard it is for you. It must be so difficult knowing that none of this is through any fault of your own.

Please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity set up to offer support to people like yourself who are affected by a loved one’s addiction. Talking with one of our ‘Family Friends’, who are trained and experienced volunteers, might help you not to feel so lost and may help you to see a way forward.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that you get some support for yourself. Wishing you all the best.

[charlotte12]

Thank you Icarus, I certainly will contact you. I was hoping to move on but I’m stuck in this life where I can’t imagine being truly happy anymore. That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for what I have, my children are my world. I’m just hoping for a day when I don’t have to just cope and get through.
On a slightly separate note, I can see that my post has 10 comments yet I can only view this one from you Icarus. Any thoughts on how I read the other 9?
Thank you and I look forward to speaking to you xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Charlotte,
Good to hear that you will be in touch. I will let the Icarus administrator know about the comments that you can’t see.

[ariel]

Hi
This is similar to my situation only my husband has been dry now for 2 weeks! I also have a 6 month old! Ive said i will work on our marriage with him as i feel i need to give it all i can so if it does all fail, if he does start drinking again, I can tell our kids i did all.i could!! I feel like im kidding myself though and he’ll soon give in to alcohol then i feel guilty for thinking it!! The guilt is invredible! At the moment i swing from these feelings of guilt and wanting to support him to absolute anger that hes unable to suppport me and our childten!! And permenantly stay away from.alcohol and not have this feeling that at any moment he can start drinking again and blocking everything out and leaving me to deal with everything on my own as has happened a few times now!! Its hard being the one that keeps on keeping on!! Good luck Charlotte xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
I agree with the posts above. You sound a really positive person and I’m glad that you know that its your dad’s choices that are causing him problems not yours.
The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports the families and friends of addicts. We have experienced trained volunteers, called ‘Family Friends’ that you or your mum might like to talk to. While there may not be any easy answers it often helps to talk to people who understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service so I hope it may help you.
Good luck!

[snow]

Admin can you please advise how I delete my sign in details. As the two people have previously stated i don’t want ridiculous comments from people posting spam. Please advise or delete my profile.

[Author]

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