[m2u]

Hi all

I’m not really one to share my feelings When it comes to this subject but since reading the other posts I haven’t felt so alone. I never know if I’m overreacting or I should just keep it to myself.

I’m currently married and have a young child but my husband has recently started to drink more. He was a drinker when we met but we were a lot younger then, without responsibilities and I didn’t realise the impact. It was a typical Saturday night out etc so you expected to drink a fair amount. Since the years have gone , I have stopped drinking completely. The novelty’s worn off I suppose you could say, or I’m just a bit busier with other things. However I noticed that my husband is continuing to drink.

It started off as maybe 2 or 3 in the bath , however it is now at a point of a minimum of 6 cans a night in the bath. On average he drinks 8 cans a night. My husband doesn’t see an issue with this and often calls me a nag.

I’m expressed my concerns in all different ways but nothing seems to sink in. Am I overacting ? He claims he isn’t an alcoholic but he can’t go a night without drinking and he has started to hide and conceal it during bath times. He’ll either try to distract me, or he’ll hide the cans. He holds a full time job and doesn’t appear as the typical alcoholic.

I’m concerned the impact this is having on his health (mental and physical), my health (mental) and my daughters well being. I want to seek support but he will not engage.

I’m at a point where I’ve stated he needs to stop/engage in support or We’re leaving but he seems to turn nasty and threaten to take my daughter away from me.

Has anyone Been in a similar situation? How can I prove his alcohol abuse when he doesn’t present typically?

Sorry for the long message but I’m so overwhelmed by a mask of emotions. Xx

[sugarplum89]

Hiya its not my partner that drinks so I don’t really know it from that side of things but my dad has been an alcoholic all my life and to be honest he always denied being an alcoholic. There is def functioning alcoholics until they are not functioning anymore if that makes sense. My dad used to work ect but he certainly doesn’t now or for a long time. I used to beg my dad to stop drinking and he would flat out refuse, obv now I’m older I don’t bother anymore as it has gone past that point. I’m sorry you are in this situation but I think if he doesn’t see a problem then it’s extremely hard for you to get him to see it. I can’t tell you what to do but I hope he can see what he’s doing to himself, you and your daughter before it’s too late. It’s awful to watch someone go down that path.

[blackhound]

Heya M2u,

I can vouch for everything you’re saying… It started off as innocent young drinking together for the both of us…

Then the novelty wore off for me too… I do enjoy an occasional tipple now and then but this past 12 to 18 months it’s been hidden bottles and can everywhere and relentless drinking every night… The lying as well… That gets worse and you might reach a stage of not caring because he’s told so many.. Be careful as that’s a slippery road…

You’re husband and mine… They’re coping using alcohol… My husband has a whole wealth of mental health issues that have surfaced. including drunken induced self harm.. he didn’t know it at the time but alcohol was and still is a coping mechanism…

It takes something life changing to make them stop and say ‘ I need help, I have a problem’

I watched something recently that brought it home for me… Someone who is willing to admit they have a problem’ and that they might slip up is ready for help… Those who say they don’t have a problem’ won’t get help until something whacks them metaphorically whacks them in the face.

[cardiffbluebird]

I’m sorry to hear your story. I’m not exactly in the same boat except that my wife is something of a ‘weekend alcoholic’. I would like to tell you the answer but given my problem is still the same I can’t, except to say that you’re not alone.

[the-bard]

Hi I hope you are okay and please stay strong. Sorry for the long reply as I am in a very similar situation and have 2 kids.

My wife is an alcoholic and has been for 10 plus years. She suffers from anxiety and I believe that she uses drink as a means of controlling it. Sadly she doesn’t see that drinking makes it worse which starts the endless spiral into alcoholism. She drinks around 3 to 4 bottles of wine a day, every day. I use to dread coming home from work as she would often be fairly drunk and would normally pass out after dinner. She doesn’t work and since lockdown I have been working from home which makes what she does during the day even more obvious. She pretty much starts drinking on the sly as soon as she gets up thinking I don’t know, then she starts drinking visibly around 3pm when it looks appropriate and this continues throughout the evening until she goes to sleep at night, often taking a glass of wine to bed with her.

I have found empty bottles of wine hidden around the house and I have talked to her many times about her drinking, the hidden bottles and nothing has worked. The first time I raised it she walked out on me and the kids. She came back later and stated that drinking makes her happy and I was the one with the problem. When I first found out she drank in the morning she was embarrassed and said she’d cut down but hasn’t. I am stuck on an emotional roller coaster with her as I love her and want her to get better as I know she is a good person however nothing I do or say has an impact.

I’ve said before that the only thing you can do is focus on yourself and your child and not their drinking. Unless an alcoholic wants to get help then there is nothing you can do. It’s a challenge as you feel somehow responsible, but your not. You cannot force them to do anything they don’t want to do, it is their choice not yours.

Just focus on you, and spending time doing something for yourself and keeping your physical and mental health strong. Hard to do I know from experience but the only thing in your control.

We are each on our own journey, however we are not alone and can support each other along the way to hopefully a happy outcome.

[jjanon]

Actually he is quite a common type of alcoholic.

He is what is referred to as a functioning alcoholic. I can’t help more than that, but he does fit into one of the 5 main types and that should help you research it.

[m2u]

Hi all

Thank you for all your comments and replies- I hate that we are all in similar situations but feel comfort from this that I am not alone.

Myself and my husband had a big argument the other night which resulted in my confronting him once again about his drinking. I have pleaded with him to go to the gps but he won’t. Has anyone else got any other support services to recommend? I’m not sure if it’s the word GP that initially will not get him to engage.

Has anyone else also suffered worse in lockdown? I’m aware it heightens all the emotions etc but it has also increased his drinking.

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