[littletree]

Hello all

I just came across this forum and am posting as I need some help from somewhere. I don’t know what to do about my partners drinking.

Bit of background. Not long after we got together I got pregnant and we now have a 6 month old. He moved in with me just before she was born as we were going to try and be a family. Anyway, basically, every night that he can (so not the nights he actually works nightshifts) he will drink. The minimum is about 2 or 3 cans and the maximum I have counted is a whole bottle of red wine and 7 cans/ bottles of beer. He is slightly affected by this amount in that his speech is ever so slurred but other than that he can take that amount really well. Last week he went out drinking all day (well, 9 hours or so) and the next evening he had a bottle of wine and 7 beers. I couldn’t believe it. I honestly thought he might give it a break that night, but no, he couldn’t. Last night after work he had 2 bottles and tonight as he doesn’t have to be up tomorrow I am certain he will be up to 7 or 8 beers with an entire bottle of wine.

I get that people drink to wind down etc but it’s literally every night that he can. There may have been 1 or 2 nights since he has been here that he hasn’t drunk. I also think the amount he drinks is insane- he is easily on over 70 units a week if not more.

I am starting to resent him even more as he will often leave our baby crying next to him while he opens a beer and scrolls through his phone. I hate it. I also get the impression he thinks I am weird that I don’t drink (well, maybe one at Christmas and my birthday but that’s it) as he asked me the other day why I don’t go out drinking in the day. I am certain he thinks I am boring and no fun. But hey I am me and I am happy to be me! He also puts quite a bit of pressure on me to exercise. Post baby I am keen to get back in shape but I find it so hypocritical that he is on at me about not stretching and exercising enough when he pours poison into his body every night (and cigarettes when he goes out drinking too).

My father was an alcoholic and my mum took us away from him so I never had to experience it. But his sister (my auntie) also was and I have seen it first hand and it frightens me. My father was never in my life but got in touch when I was a young adult to say he was dying from liver cancer and three other cancers.

I am torn because I hate how much he drinks. I have told him I think he drinks too much but his reaction was basically nothing- in that he isn’t going to change. I don’t want my child to grow up around it yet I don’t want her to have to split her time between two homes. I want to do the right thing for her and so any advice anyone can give would be most appreciated.

Many thanks

[mestre]

Is there any place else you can go?

[littletree]

Hi there

No, well it’s my house! He would need to move out. I often think of taking myself and baby off for a week somewhere to get away but why should I be out of pocket?

[jem]

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I agree with MeStre, you got together very quickly and had there not been a baby I’m sure you’d have moved on as soon as you realised that your partner had a problem with alcohol. I grew up with a functioning alcoholic father and it was horrible and tainted so many family events/celebrations, and most meal times. You do need to talk to him about how you feel, but it sounds like he’s not ready yet to accept there’s a problem. Bringing a baby up on your own will be hard but it may be easier than bringing one up with an alcoholic. There is a really good helpline for relatives of people with drug/alcohol addiction called Drugfam, if you can, give them a call, they will support you through this. Good luck with this xxx

[hellosmee]

Hi Littletree

Just my opinion but it seems you rushed into a relationship with your partner because you got pregnant and you didn’t really both know each other well to see if you were compatible. It sounds very much like your partner is dependent on alcohol and that you aren’t comfortable with this around your baby, or yourself for that matter. My son was 6 months old when I decided that I could not bring my child up with my then husband (not dependencies but a very selfish person). It wasn’t easy being a single parent but for me it was a better choice. Maybe try talking again to your partner about his alcohol consumption in terms of how it makes you feel and worry. Talk to your friends and family, weigh things up in your own mind. You have some tough decisions to make and I wish you luck. X

[littletree]

Thank you for your replies.

Hellosmee and Jem- yes, we did think we would give it a go when I found out I was pregnant but I agree that we didn’t know each other enough by that stage and I do not think we are compatible.

It’s not actually just the alcohol that’s a problem, in addition to what I put in my original post he can snap at me (either sober or when drinking) about the most mundane things and I actually start questioning what on earth is going on. He even snapped at me 2 days after I came out of hospital with baby.

This morning I came downstairs to find 3/4s of a bottle of red wine gone; he was meant to be on a nightshift last night until 7am today but he was able to finish at 11.30pm instead. So it appears he bought a bottle on the way home and almost finished it off. It’s so sad..

I know what I need to do. In a way I don’t worry about bringing baby up alone as I do everything for her now anyway. He barely does anything at all. What concerns me most is that he will have contact with her without me there when we split. I can understand why people find it hard to leave.

Thanks for your replies x

[mestre]

It’s a difficult decision, It sounds like you know what you need to do. Wishing you all the best with it for your future happiness . Xx

[littletree]

Just to update you, I have ended the relationship. I know it’s going to be hard but it’s been so hard already and now at least I don’t have to put up with the horrible atmosphere and bottles piling up every evening. Thank you for your support.

[hellosmee]

That must have been hard but also a relief Littletree. I wish you luck for a better future for yourself and your child.

[mestre]

Wow. Im impressed you made the decision so quickly.it was obviously the right choice.

Wishing you all the best for your future and your child’s. .

[Author]

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