[em73]

Hello everyone

I am new here and have come here because I am struggling.

My Aunt is 61 years old (I am late 40’s) She lives in the home counties north of London and I live in South West London.

She has recently lost her elderly husband and at the same time he was in hospital she was found with severe sepsis, confused and unable to walk. A long story short- she had an MRI scan as the sepsis confusion wasn’t getting better. Turns out she has Wernicke Korsakoff caused by alcohol consumption and whilst in hospital has been detoxed and assessed. The MRI revealed a permanent brain damage as a result of the alcohol consumption. She has been home for 5 weeks and for 3 of those had a 24 hr carer. Now after having 4 x daily carers she is drinking again.

I knew she enjoyed a glass or 2 of wine a few times a week with dinner but this has totally thrown me out.

Its taken effect so fast and I’m visiting daily after work and weekends after the carers have been. This week she will not let me take away the alcohol.

She is now hiding alcohol after her food (mostly alcohol) delivery and so all our thoughts that she is confused and cannot remember the diagnosis and professionals etc telling her she should not drink now has gone.

Its devastating and I see the dementia (Wernicke Korsakoff) getting much worse.

I just do not know what to do now as the social worker now is saying everything is still her choice and I need to look after myself too. I have vast experience of Dementia but not alcoholism.

Any advice is welcome as I’m mentally and physically exhausted now. Thank you x

[lindyloo]

Hi Em73

Welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with addictions. I understand that this must be a very stressful situation for you.

I was in similar situation with an elderly relative. She drank way more than I was aware, then was diagnosed with vascular dementia.

While she was mobile, she used to buy alcohol and hide it.

She needed a detox too. But because she had dementia and not proper in control of her own decisions, we got power of attorney (UK). She basically had to go along with what we said was best for her and we had the doctor and social worker on our side then.

I also contacted a local Carer Centre, who help the carers of vulnerable people. They told me where and who to seek help and support. They gave me times and places of various support centres.

I know it’s exhausting but please remember to look after yourself.

The Icarus trust posts here too, they could possibly help you.

Take care, let us know how you’re doing.

Lx

[em73]

Hello LindyLoo

Thank you so much- I will definitely contact the ones you’ve suggested. The social worker has given me lots of help and this week he has asked me about how I am too so I know they are looking after me too in a way.

I have applied for POA which was encouraged by the social worker whilst my Aunt was still in hospital. I’m still waiting for it which is quite stressful as my Aunt will not let me sort out her and her deceased husbands finances etc and she is now receiving care bills. It is a mess.

She has also lost stones in weight in a short space of time and clothes are not fitting her well so she isn’t getting dressed unless the carers assist. I have bought her today a lot of new things to wear in the hope she starts caring a little more.

Thank you so much for listening and your good advice.

Em x

[lindyloo]

Hi Em

I’m glad that you’re getting help from the social worker, that’s a good start.

I guess this is a difficult time for your aunt, so many changes. And she has recently lost her husband.

With my relative’s dementia, she liked routine. Her weight also went up and down. Before the carers were organised, I used to visit her regularly and set out her tops and trousers, let her choose between two that matched. Still giving her a bit of control, then set them out for the carer to dress her in the morning. She didn’t like the carers at first, but she soon got used to them and I met them too.

We used to make a point of taking her out for a meal every Sunday and looked forward to it.

The hospital had a dementia group they took twice a week, she wasn’t sure at first, but she got used to it and enjoyed the company. The Social work could possibly tell you what’s available. My relative gradually had mobility issues so she was happy to get out the house. I know that there will be moments of frustration but I guess they’re just frightened.

Things will get better, you will both get used to this different situation. The bills will have to wait until POA is organised.

Find time for yourself when you can.

Always here to chat.

Lx

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry to read how worried you are by your aunt’s drinking. I work for Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family. If you get in touch one of our trained and experienced Family Friends will contact you and maybe speaking with them will help you.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[Longjourneyahead]

Hi,
My husband was diagnosed with korsakoff 4 years ago.
He continues to drink excessively.
Not many people know about this condition.
I have tried researching its effects but not found much.
He has lost weight and is severely malnourished, due to not eating enough. He has several spinal fractures, and cannot stand or walk unaided.
I feel for you
X

[Author]

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