[lostdaughter88]

I am 30 years old and completely at my wits end with my parents, my mother in particular. For as long as I can remember they have been heavy drinkers, functioning alcoholics. Keeping under the radar and managing to get through work etc. However, in the past few years (10 mostly) it has escalated. Luckily I don’t live with them anymore in that toxic environment as I now have my own family but I have always been very concerned for their welfare. They’re now aged between 65-78 and have such a turbulent, toxic, negative relationship. They drink constantly, there is no point in me trying to make contact with them after 3-4pm as I know they will be drunk. When I try to intervene and tell them there is an issue and I want to help, I get screamed at and told to leave, also told that I am the one that caused this (saying I was a terrible daughter since the age of 13 apparently). It all came to a head yesterday when I had to intervene once again after finding out they had been phoning relatives up and saying awful things to upset them. I had taken a video of my mother (who is the one that has the worst drinking problem) and have held this video for some time in case the point arises where I could use it to show her just how bad her problem was as she is completely in denial and thinks I am crazy. So, I attempted to show her the video of her in a drunken stupor and she flew off the handle. Was screaming and shouting at me and my Dad (who has now finally admitted they both need help). She is threatening my Dad with a divorce because she says he doesn’t support her etc and was bringing up things I had done as a teenager saying that it was because of that that we have a bad relationship. I am just at my wits end. I don’t know what to do anymore. Family members can’t help me as they no longer want to be involved, the only Aunt I have that is some what aware of the situation (and who once agreed with me that my mother needed desperate help) now acts like there isn’t a problem?! I am done, I feel like I should walk away now as it isn’t fair on my own husband and child to see me get upset but at the same time, I am terrified to cut them out of my life because I know I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to them. My motto in life is that it is too short and we should all try hard to make amends, but my parents on the other hand, they just seem to thrive and revel in drama and chaos. It follows them wherever they go. I’m so lost and can now feel myself going into a dark place which is horrible. I am incredibly unhappy, all I want is to have a relationship with my parents but until they admit they have a problem I know that can’t happen… is there anyone in a similar situation?

[icarus-trust]

I’m so sorry to read your post and to see how badly affected you are by your parent’s drinking.I’m sorry to read that you feel like you’re in a dark place and that youyr family aren’t able to help you.

It sounds like you might want someone to talk to who would understand what you are going through and may be help to find a way forward.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We provide support to people like yourself who are having to deal with family member’s addictions. If you get contact us, I can put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people who you could talk with.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps.

All the best.

[Author]

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