[FrazzlePop24]

I’m going to keep this as factual as possible and not go too ”ranty”. Firstly, I’m really happy I found this forum because ALONE doesn’t quite manage to sum up the last 20 years.

My younger brother began drinking at 14, graduating to coke,  and eventually Ket and brown over the last 7 years. When I say he is oppositional to the point of childishness, I mean it.

With this comes uncleanliness (urinating in jars and leaving them around the mattress he sleeps on, cigarette butts, plates of food, jugs of coffee, beer cans), poor hygiene (his breath smells of actual excrement), catastrophising (”nobody cares” every time someone upholds or maintains a boundary), deep pangs of anxiety where he is shouting ”woah, woah” and stumbling round the house to get his footing, and absolutely no regard for other peoples personal space or peace.

 

He behaves like a football hooligan.

At 32, he is now a fully developed man-child. I believe that lack of boundaries and appropriate mental health support as a kid means we’re now treading on eggshells around a man who’s mental health is precarious at best and harmful at worst. Because he was a problem child, my mum always tried to be his friend rather then discipline him, when my Dad tried to put boundaries in place, Mum basically binned them off in my Dad’s face, in full view of my brother which of course emboldened his behaviour.

Dad died in 2018 (alcoholic also – but a more pleasant drunk, but a drunk all the same), and we couldn’t find my brother for 2 days  because he was on a binge.

In April this year, he saw fit to come in at 3am, leaning over our younger brother (disabled, wheelchair bound) regaling him with tales about his low mental health…and the things that come with that feeling.

I didn’t know who was in the house so I went in the room asking what he was doing. The boy screamed blue murder because he was scared (the paranoia kicking in from all the nasty things he’s done to people outside for a fix, no doubt playing on his mind), then proceeds to call me every name under the sun.

I’ve been called a ‘f@t slut’ (LOL, I’ll take the former, but the latter, funnily enough, s£x has been the last thing on my mind the last 5 years trying to keep everyone fed and watered in the house whilst our mum enables him and lets him financially mug her off daily), more times in the last 6 months than I ever have in my life – in fact, I’ve never been spoken to like this.

He pushed a door on my arm – arm was on FIRE all morning, I went to work as normal then my other brother pointed my arm out to me, it was black and purple – 25 cm long and about 8 cm wide.

 

I took photo’s and was actually wanting to go to the police. If he got time, he could get help and we would get a break from him, but I didn’t and have basically been no contact since then.

 

about a month ago, he comes in full of the joys as he’s had a skinful this time – when he’s drunk and spritely, we’re all supposed to be too. He sits in the backroom (which doubles as disabled brothers bedroom) 16-18 hours a day on live streams talking to Filipino’s on a live stream the whole day on loud speaker. It’s like an episode of Black Mirror…..squawking Tagalog and canned laughter and you just can’t turn it off.

Disabled brother was minding his business, and he starts tickling him, taking the mick out of his hair, then when disabled brother basically says alright, it’s not a joke anymore, he starts screaming at him.

Another brother came from upstairs to see what the commotion is about, Mum comes in going off at disabled brother, I’m there like ”wtf? Mum, you didn’t see anything so how have you decided disabled brother was the issue?”

Whilst that’s going on, addict brother goes for other brother who came in to check what’s going on because he was ”staring”.

I never know what this blokes taken on top of the drink so I jumped on him to get him off (stupid, but instincts have no logic at the time).

He gets off, so of course, I’m now the subject of the abuse – threats of violence, f@t sl*t and wished us all dead.

I just told him to remember all this when he needs a quid for a beer and if he was to hit me, he needs to make sure he leaves a mark because I would be calling the police so we can all get some f**king kip.

He has two kids and his Mrs basically said ‘no more’ and wants nothing to do with him, he tried to frame it like it was all her but coming in coked out of his nut at the time whilst his kids were in bed isn’t the life any decent mother wants for her kids.

 

So me and my Mum have got it instead. I can afford to move out but I can’t if I’m basically running my own home and hers because he wont go out and earn a crust to contribute to bills.

I’ve considered doing an anonymous referral to social, so they can house him, but when we got him housed last time, it was like a whole operation to catch a wounded bear. He got a place but he behaved like such an animal in the place, they wanted him out…basically all what he was doing to us, he was doing there.

My Mum has aged about 10 years, I’ve told her, if he was my son, he wouldn’t even know where I live. This Dot and Nick Cotton sh*t they’ve got going on, isn’t really my cup of tea. He really believes and has told her the rest of us siblings are ‘jealous’ of their relationship…..yes, this is the delusion we’re living with….in the last 11 months:

He has woke up in hospital after seizing in the high street, they let him go with a leaflet. All his ‘mates’ had left him at the scene.

He has also crashed his electric bike into shop shutters and knocked himself out in front of the police after driving under the influence.

He has been given a spiked spice cigarette and collapsed at home.

He is in and out all hours of the night, coming back under the influence of who knows what.

 

Getting blind drunk, shouting at people for putting boundaries in place, then sobers up and starts begging it…not like ”I’m sorry for XYZ”.

 

Basically, I’m at a point now where, I personally don’t care what happens to him.

He has ruined every birthday, Christmas and Easter since I was 17 – I just turned 36 last year. What I’ve realised this year is that:

• I truly have lost all respect for him.
• He is a user, as in liberty taker and sees people as expendable.
• Family means nothing to him.
• He uses ‘family’ to provide himself a veneer of respectability but he has no morals.
• His sense of justice only matters when he’s philosophising on his app (full of young Filipina’s looking for Westerners to profess their ‘undying love’ for) or a captive audience like other addicts.
• His ego is spider-web fragile.
• He believes time is an apology.
• He cannot take criticism (whether dressed in a bow, sandwiched within undue praise or otherwise)
• I deeply deeply dislike him.
• I believe he at least has ADHD.
• He doesn’t want to be clean
• He actively seeks chaos because dealing with himself is too much of a burden to bear.

We’ve had to keep this to ourselves for years, but naturally people see him about and ask questions. I’ve actually updated my voicemail to say, if you’ve seen him crawling the streets, don’t leave a message because I don’t care. I can’t talk to anybody else about this because they’ll be like what in the Jeremy Kyle is this?

I feel nothing. At first I felt bad for feeling nothing but essentially, I’ve been paying all the bills in the house. He has warmth, shelter, food and a bed because of me (these are standard things any human should have regardless of being an addict or not), but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t rankle.

I’ve not said a word about anything but other brother made a comment the other day when addicted brother went and made something to eat from shopping I brought and said ”why would you want to eat food a ”f@t sl*t’ has paid for?”.

Addict brother did his usual feigning contrition, and went back to his smelly little hidey hole and waited for Mummy to bring other shopping in.

It is what it is, eat what you want. I just feel so annoyed and numb.

Our mother keeps banging on about him getting his own place but he talks all over her making excuses.

As I say, I can actually leave and be alright, but what my wage doesn’t account for is running my home and hers because she has a son living with her that refuses to work or sign on.

It’s such a mess, and I am DREADING Christmas, honestly – the last two years, I’ve booked hotel rooms in August for the festive period, then on the day made out i’m ‘going to see mates” and spend a few hours in a peaceful hotel room eating crap out the vending machine.

I think I might have to do the same again this year and stick it on my credit card, even if it’s a last minute booking because I cannot take this anymore and I don’t know what I can do that is proportionate and supportive for all involved.

 

I’M SO SORRY, I’VE REALISED HOW EFFING LONG THIS IS…*SIGH*

 

[m]

Hi frazzlepop

this sounds absolutely unbearable. The disrespect and entitlement must me awful to live with.

Sounds to me like your brother may possibly suffer with borderline personality disorder, some of the traits you describe mixed with the substance misuse sound very similar.

Ur mum must be a mess and can’t bear him there but the thought of him out the house scares her too. I really do empathise

everyone need to stop enabling him. Why should he be your eating food when he can’t be asked to sign on and contribute.
let him have tantrums and hopefully he will get arrested or sectioned and may realise he needs help, or may blame all of you!

it’s so soul destroying when u put a boundary in for all and then they just up the anti or flip the blame and play victim

I feel your pain regarding Christmas. I’m dreading mine getting ruined too

if he touches u again get him arrested

xxx

[FrazzlePop24]

Thanks.

I think a third party will have to be involved eventually because he’s just NOT getting it. Even as I type this, he’s got my Mum looking for his bank card, because his skag head mate coaxed him to sign on – which is what we’ve been telling him since the beginning of the effing year!

It’s so embarrassing.

I don’t see why the state should support a POS with 4 working limbs and no ailments, but it is what it is.

[amybcw]

A story of hope- although I wasn’t as self destructive as your brother but I became reliant on drinking 2 bottles of wine every night after I was sexually assaulted. I couldn’t wait to get home and drink on my own and hid it from my friends and family. It wasted so much money, I was worried about my health and I knew in my heart that one bottle would turn to two and two to three etc. I really wanted to stop but I was always one of those ‘this is the last bottle I’ll drink, I’ll quit tomorrow kind of person’. I never harmed anyone and wasn’t an angry drunk but I turned into an anxious wreck, waking up every morning feeling so anxious and sick. I really believed that this was it and all I had to look forward to was a downward spiral. After I particularly tearful breakdown when my partner found a bottle hidden under my bed he told me to go to an NA meeting. I was so skeptical and never believed it would work. All I was hopeful for was maybe I would be able to cut down, I never thought I’d fully recover. I went to my first meeting with a hoodie over my head and face so no one could see me. I cried through the whole thing. I don’t believe in God and I thought the whole thing was a waste of time. But meeting other addicts had a subliminal effect on me. I started cutting down. Only drinking 3/4 of a bottle a night, then half. It was so difficult not to get up in the night and finish what I had but I began to feel proud of myself when I woke up and found nearly half a bottle left. I had days when I’d slip up and drink too much again and then I’d go back to that awful feeling of anxiety, nausea and fear. But I perservered. Eventually came the day I decided not to pick up a bottle of wine. I was nearly crawling the walls and I left the house several times to go to the shop to buy wine, only to force myself to turn back. I started to realise how amazing I felt in the morning compared to when I was drinking. Again, I had a few relapses. But they became further and further apart. It was depressing at first and so, so hard to have the discipline not to just pop in and buy a bottle but I just remembered the hangovers and misery. I am now over 90 days clean and sober. I should add that I was diagnosed with PTSD and I have a prescription for clonazepam, as well as trauma based therapy. But I haven’t felt this happy or well for years. It can be done. Get him to a meeting. Draw bottom lines unless he goes. Now I go to three meetings a week, sometimes in person and sometimes online and have made some amazing friends. I know my story is different from yours but any alcoholic can get sober. The person needs to want it. Putting emotional guilt on someone will only drive them further into addiction. They need to hear that you want to help and support them but also stick to your bottom lines. NA isn’t an overnight cure but I was so skeptical about it and now I look forward to meetings. Good luck and I hope you find a solution.

[stillhoping4change23]

Hello FrazzlePop24

I joined this site tonite because i am sitting here yet again crying my eyes out over my adult daughter who has been an addict for the past 30 years, she has hit a new low tonight. I also am so tired of this merry go round. I feel like my mental health is going down. My daughter does not know where I live and i am so glad, that is the only thing that keeps me Sane.  If I see her on the streets I run. I hope one day she will change. I cannot imagine what will make her change she has given up her children, everything to continue taking drugs. she refuses to accept help. look up the word narcissist this may give you a deeper understanding of the behaviour. Look after yourself, you have a right to care for yourself.  God bless you for trying. stay strong.

[FrazzlePop24]

Awww, I’m so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you, it really does. Take small solace in the fact she doesn’t know where you live but it still must be hard as it’s your child after all.

I’m absolutely DREADING Xmas, honestly

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

<span style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;”>Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. </span><span style=”font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; color: #1155cc;”>https://adaptoxford.org.uk/<wbr />the-icarus-programme/</span>

[Lozzy80]

Hi frazzlepop

What a nightmare for you and the rest of your family.

It might be worth speaking to your local police, they should have a domestic violence team or women’s aid .. Given the physical abuse you might be able to get a non molestation order and /or occupation order…sorry I’m not an expert but I know one of those is a legal route to getting him evicted and banned from coming near you, and your vulnersble disabled brother.

Even if your mum tries to stop you/the police etc just stay firm with your decision , it sounds as though you have nothing else to lose…you are fully within your rights to protect yourself and your disabled brother.

I’ve dreamed many times of just hiring a hotel room and chilling on my own to get away from my husband and get some peace …might just do that this Xmas,.sod the credit card already in debt what a an extra £150 or so, a.small.price for.some.peace and quiet

Hope things improve for you very soon

[FrazzlePop24]

6 weeks on and I’m thinking of calling social services on my own family.

druggie brother is now blatantly taking drug calls in the house and meeting with ‘friends’ so they can buy him drugs (coke mainly, sometimes brown). Basically anyone is a friend who can get their hands on something.

He comes in and starts with my disabled brother just antagonising him and then losing his rag with him when this brother retaliates – he doesn’t do it with my able brother because he knows he’ll get punched.

Our mother is f**king pissing me the f**k off as well, just so feeble minded and useless!

I’m sick of being on tenterhooks all the time whilst our mother just walks around in a daze talking absolute b0llocks about unrelated sh*t as a deflection tactic until the next bout of conversation from him about another also unrelated topic to deflect a way from the fact he needs to get out, or pay some bills.

The room the brothers sleep in is absolutely disgusting most of the day, we have to go in and clean it daily – druggie brother has horrendous personal hygiene, always walking around the house with his smelly unwashed arse on show, tablet clamped to his hand listening to tutorials on high volume whether is 2pm or 3am! Plates, cigarette butts, bottles of urine, food remnants…. how we don’t have mice is beyond me!

Druggie brothers skin is covered in blackheads and welts of ingrown hair because he’s such a f**king tramp.

Every evening is ruined with the possibility he’ll come in through the back door shouting like a lager lout, waking everyone up and threatening and verbally abusing whoever doesn’t like it or challenges him.

He will not go and get housed, I have approached our local drug and alcohol service who provide his methadone and they have said he needs to present at the housing – he wont do that!

At this point, the best case scenario is he gets arrested and charged with something so he is the prison services problem for as long as his sentence (please Lord, 2 years at least…. before my mum has a nervous breakdown), or he miraculously stops being a piece of sh*t and becomes a model son – more change of him flying!

 

The issue is, even sober, he’s nasty, lazy, filthy, childish, cocky, obnoxious pr*ck so, I don’t hold out much hope.

What annoys me most is our mother spent years shielding him from truth and consequence and now acts extra surprised that he doesn’t respect her.

Just today, Mum gave him her card to go get food for today and he took almost 2 hours, meaning, he was out using her money to get alcohol – he has done this hundreds of times and then she acts shocked! I want to scream at her..for being thick and because for all the money he spends on beer, I have to put back into the house when she runs out of money.

 

I am already paying £200 on gas and electric each, which has just doubled over the cold snap we’re experiencing. I also pay £90 internet, phone and broadband, she’s just got a council tax bill over £1500 plus being taken to court over an unpaid water bill, all whilst this pig holds his hand out for money.

I refuse to get into any more dent for this family – I wont!

Just last August I finished on a debt management plan of £18k over 5 years all accrued over funeral and p*ss poor financial planning on her and my dad’s part, then all her benefits being on hold due to a change in her circumstances.

I’m drained! Yet, I’m expected to go to work full time  and act like nothing untoward is going on

We never know what state he’s coming in as so, she’s taken to hiding kitchen knives before she goes to bed!

 

I mean what kind of f**king life IS this?  If I move out, I can’t pay her gas and electric anymore – impossible financially as I’ll have my own bills to pay.

 

I’m really starting to resent them all if I’m being honest.

 

As I type this, she’s scoffing a cake to herself as her c**t of a son is in the next room rummaging around to find items to cook up something on a spoon.

I cannot take any more!

I don’t know what to do.

[m]

This sounds an unlivable  situation.

i really hear your anger, the fact that you are holding everything together and helping keep a roof over everyone’s heads and you’ve got your brother behaving awfully and your mum enabling because she’s too scared to put her foot down and rock the boat.

in a sense by you staying there you are enabling them all, if you left your mum would soon see she cannot carry on in this situation and she would hit her rock bottom which I know you are scared of because of worrying she will have a breakdown and not cope financially. This could be the turning point for her.
Also must be so tough for you to leave as you want to protect your disabled brother.

I think the next time he kicks off. Call the police and also call social services re the abuse towards your disabled brother. Maybe call social services first so they have a log of your concerns. Also call police for advice.

What has stopped you all calling police on him so far?

maybe also pack your bags and leave even for a week.

let us know how you get on

xxx

 

[amybcw]

If your living situation is unlivable contact your council, get rehoused and explain the situation. You get on with your own life which will force your mum to stop enabling and actually get help for herself. The council have a legal obligation as you are living in a dangerous environment. Good luck xx

[FrazzlePop24]

Gosh, what a journey you’ve had! I’m so proud of you – it takes guts. Thanks for your kind words x

 

[Dinahrose]

Darling girl, you are not responsible for your addicted brother, your mum, your disabled brother. You are responsible first for your own wellbeing. You are not responsible for their happiness. I totally understand why you feel you are, l was in a  similar place, and still am somewhat, but have been working on it.  Cutting the strings doesn’t mean you cut off everything, but you put your own lines in place. Difficult but has to be done. Good luck my lovely. x

 

[FrazzlePop24]

Thank you. I know I’m not but the reality of not supporting them is that my Mum will likely have my sister and other brother taken from her. It’s annoying that she has the power to stop all this and wont because she’s bothered about how it looks to people outside. My thing is, the whole street knows he’s a druggie scumbag – even his druggie mates can’t understand how he still has a house and family!

[FrazzlePop24]

And, I get what you mean about putting your own lines in place. I’ve had to do so for my own mental health!

[m]

When the threat of losing her children presents she will have an option to ask your brother to leave and work with services or by letting him stay she will be deemed as putting her children at a level of risk.

This again could be the catalyst for her to make the changes needed for the family

Are social services already involved?

x

 

[FrazzlePop24]

They aren’t yet because Mum has not had any help for my brother with the disability since they relinquished responsibility when he was 25 – not that they ever did eff all anyway!

[FrazzlePop24]

Any tips on telling your enabling mother to sort it the f**k out?

I’ve sat back for the last two months and realised this frustrating pattern of behaviour.

My mum isn’t computer savvy so wont do an online shop, and is in pain with her knees so begrudgingly goes to the shop when she has to.

My skag head, alky brother pounces on her like a rat up a drainpipe ”I’ll go”….yeah, because there’s a beer or 4 in it for him. Yes, He’s still drinking whilst on an opioid substitute prescription (I’m half tempted to tell the local drug and alcohol service).

Because he’s out on this p!ss, my mum now sits there complaining the kids are hungry and she hasn’t eaten because he’s now taken two hours to go to a supermarket a 10 minute walk away.

 

My other brother: ”Well, he’s an addict. What did you think was going to happen?” I would have laughed if I wasn’t so annoyed at my mum.

 

She’ll sit there with her banking app, refreshing every five minutes to see where he’s spent money.

Obviously the Off License *eye roll*

She can’t even moan about this bit anymore because my other brother just ignores her. He thinks it’s comical that she’s so effing dopey.

The skag head comes in, sweating and belligerent, makes himself a sandwich, whilst putting the food on he was supposed to make for the family, then falls asleep leaving it all to burn to a crisp, whilst she sits their like an earthquake survivor in shock.

Money wasted, which she doesn’t have. Even with me paying both main utilities in full every month, she still cannot budget properly to feed these kids – the money is there, she’s just effing LAZY, and he’s honed in on that.

 

Honestly, I could chin her….it’s like she’s just deliberately slow on the uptake because she doesn’t want any trouble.

I’m losing the effing will, and I’m in serious danger of losing my b@stard rag big time.

I can’t even be in the house, to the point where I’m showering really early in the morning and I’m out by 6.30am, suited and booted for ‘work’ but I sit in a hidden clearing in a local park with a book/music then go into work, where I have to pretend I’m full of the joys.

I then find somewhere else to sit at 5pm like parks, go cinema alone if there’s something decent on, and get home for 10pm.

I then have to play night watch until skag head falls asleep, or the brother with special needs he shares a room with (that skag head purposely winds up the threatens to k!ll when he reacts) goes to sleep.

Something has GOT to give.

I thought our mother understood after last April and October when skag head basically screamed in all our faces and wished us brown bread that she wasn’t going to facilitate this anymore.

He hadn’t had so much as £1 off me or our other brother in a year.

Our other brother stays at his Mrs 80% of the month, which I don’t blame him, it’s effing chaos here.

Mum sits there like a sad puppy when other brother comes to wash some clothes or pick up his games console and tries to pry as to why he wont stay indoors….look at the environment you’ve helped create, you CRETIN! Our little sister just stays in her room – she can’t stand it all either.

Skag head just walks around sweating, blurting out bulls**t like an attention seeking child all day, or with some app for asian wh0res squaking like it’s an online br0thel, and if he isn’t doing that, he’s looking for change down the back of sofas like a big fat hairless rat.

 

He then lies to mum telling her the local drug and alcohol service didn’t give him his prescription (he turned up late to get it over the long Easter break because he was too drunk to get off his nuts and get it). She then gives him money to get dark ‘to last until he gets his prescription’…then when he takes the lot, acts surprised.

He’s been nodding all effing day today…in the house.

This is literally getting worse and worse and I am considering doing an anonymous referral to the social.

What I ideally want, is this man gone.

He is a disrespectful, manipulative liability.

 

He says all the right stuff when he is off his t!ts because Mum will swoon  and lap it up like a mug, but my other brothers and I don’t even flinch, because we know it’s all b0ll0cks.

Whatever I do, I’m stuck.

[FrazzlePop24]

I need to get away from these people.

They actively depress me.

I hate seeing them in the morning because they eff up my day.

It’s like watching Dot and Nick Cotton irl.

 

[FrazzlePop24]

As sad as this is, I think I have a break through with my mum finally f**king doing something now my brothers venom has been directed at her.

Friday night, brother comes in drunk and being annoying.

She was doing personal care for disabled brother, and putting him to bed.

Skag head brother says he will lift disabled brother into bed but continues reading messages from filipino whores online, so mum put him in bed.

skag head says ”there was no need for that, I said I would put him in”

mum says she wasn’t going to wait around, she is tired and just wants to go to bed.

 

mum starts clearing away nappy pads and things she uses for personal care.

as she’s doing so, skag head brother starts saying out loud:

”why is she like this?”

”women like that will drive you mad”

”dad must be glad he’s dead”

Mum came back and said ”look, I wasn’t waiting around for you to do anything, I’m minding my business”

 

skag head carries on with same sh*t words.

 

Mum called him a wa**er

He then scream ”c**t”, ”dumb b**ch” about 4 times each and slammed doors.

Made reference to some other stuff.

Mum told me to call the police, I started to, then he went to lay down.

 

The whole family sat on eggshells for an hour after, and I felt so horrible for her.

 

She was taken aback, I think. Not least because just 30 minutes before, she had given up her takeaway for him that we had ordered without him as he had been out on the pi**

I thought she was a mug for doing so, and I told her at the time for this reason.

Anyway, I said to her she should get an NMO and occupation order.

I explained what they were and how she could file for one.

She asked if she could file for one anonymously.

I said no,

but she’s clearly scared of being the bad guy, but I think more scared of him and also of how low she’s been feeling lately.

I’ve said to her, if she’s doesn’t want to file it I will.

 

I’m going to keep mentioning it.

Interestingly, over Easter break, he had a similar altercation with my other brother who had questioned him about why he kept helping himself to food meant for Easter.

He screamed at him, wished him dead, spat racial slurs about my brothers partner and a whole slew of other sh*t…they haven’t been speaking.

This just further compounded how we all fee and have been feeling over the last 20 years.

 

As always, faux remorse, slowly starting it all back up again just days later, it’s like groundhog day.

Fingers crossed for this NMO because it’s the only way out before something really bad happens.

 

I really dislike him, and no matter how much I try and fight it, I’ve realised how much respect i’ve lost for him, we’re all just playing a game here to stop ourselves being subjected to any further vitriol.

[FrazzlePop24]

It’s now abundantly clear that my mother has zero intention of getting this boy out the house.

I’ve taken the bull by the horns and contacted a family lawyer on her behalf about an NMO and occupation order, then told her about it afterward. She was fine but when it comes to it, I’m sure they’ll be an excuse.

So, she had my card two days ago as she’s run out of money – again (I pay most of her bills so, I’m unsure wtf she is doing, she can’t manage money for sh*t). True to form, she’s give it to that miser because she is too tired and lazy to go to the shops, and the crackhead c**t has managed to lose my card, the only money the family had for four days.

 

He got JSA money was was ”going to buy a bike” with, then subsequently spaffed over £300 of drink and drugs whilst staving off calls from my mother to give her at least the money needed that he essentially lost.

 

Well, he just about managed to order two pizza’s here and then when she asked about the other days people needed to eat, he basically was bereft down the phone (meaning he’s spent all his money)…i think the only fucker shocked was her LOL!

I’m relived he’s lost the card, I felt relaxed after she told me because my first thought was ”f**k the lot of you, you’re on your own now”.

I get home from work and after losing my card, this crackhead c**t is really going to look me dead in my face and ask me ”Have you got a pound?”.

The urge I had to spit in his face. I just looked at him, I didn’t trust myself to speak.

 

True to form, Mum asked my little sister for money (she’s  a student and lives away).

She gave Mum the money…only for her to give my brother her card again, allow him to buy and ‘cook’ a muggy, watery dinner that was inedible and fall asleep before it was even cooked.

I literally am losing the effing WILL with the two of them. It’s like they’re f**king slow or something.

If I have to get these NMO’s granted and take these children away, I will.

 

It’s very apparent my mother has checked out and doesn’t want to be bad cop. That was dad’s job, to be scapegoated and hated by the son she doesn’t want to instill boundaries against lest he stop being her friend

It’s actually embarrassing at this point and I wont be addressing it with her any more because she acts like a scorned child, which I think is her own trauma. I’m not a therapist but this lack of boundaries and worrying about what an actual emotional abuser will think about your totally rational response to abuse is INSANITY.

 

What I’ve realised is, she likes to discuss things but not to act on them.

I’m not an agony aunt and she will no longer waste my time.

 

I love her but she is annoying tf outta me!

[Lozzy80]

Hi Frazzlepop

Sorry to hear things still very challenging for you… your mum is probably in denial or minimising how serious the situation is to stay sane. I am guilty of the same

I really feel for you, and your disabled brother who doesn’t have the voice needed to get safe.  I hope you can get the NMO and occupational order I’m sure you can do it in your own name and on behalf of/for the safety of your disabled brother.

Might be worth seeking advice from domestic violence organisations like women’s aid…for both you and your family.

I really hope you find peace soon

 

[FrazzlePop24]

She’s a f**king idiot and I’m sick to the back teeth of this crackhead c**t, and coaxing her like a wounded fawn into doing what should be blatantly effing obvious.

[FrazzlePop24]

So, five days sober and he’s still a jarring insufferable c**t.

He wont d*e at least, so mum has golden boy back for now.

We still have the whole house like a noise chamber because he believes he’s some tortured tech giant in a relapsing crack fiend and alcoholics body…he’s been ‘developing an app’  for over a year and never really got that far with it.

He will not stop shoving logo designs, concepts and facts and figures at us.

Honestly, it’s like listening to a child….it’s just non stop

He needs to understand he doesnt have the luxury of sitting on his nuts and living for free as he finds his purpose – we have bills to pay!

 

Here’s hoping the trash he chats to online tucker him out so we can all get some fucking kip tonight

[FrazzlePop24]

After 2 weeks, obviously Golden Boy has relapsed, and we’re all back walking on eggshells as he walks around the house with his phone on loud live streams to Filipino hookers 10 years his junior.

Another disgusting rant last night about me being a fat sl*t and a c**t, why?

Because he was goading disabled brother whilst drunk, asking him seven times from the kitchen if he was alright?

He doesn’t give a f**k about his wellbeing, he just likes annoying people.

 

So I shouted into the kitchen ”I think he’s alright”.

His reply: a sarcastic ”Sorry guys”

and then into his smelly little bedroom hiding hole where he slams the doors with a plate full of the food I pay for.

This b@stard can go and f**k himself.

Honestly, I just wish he would hurry up and OD or someone puts him in hospital/jail.

I cannot bear the selfish, dirty animal.

 

Mummy dearest then starts smiling and giggling with him this morning, and he asks when the NMO will be complete so he can get his place…imagine being so dense that you thinK the premise of an NMO is to get you re-housed? LMAO

He’s got the shock of his petty, limited life when he realises it’s to remove him, not rehouse him.

 

TRAMP!

 

 

[FrazzlePop24]

MUM HAS FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT!

I check my phone at work earlier this week and have 10 missed calls from my sister who is away at uni.
I called her back thinking she was in trouble – she picked up and said she would message me as she was in lecture.

She messaged saying she has called the police from uni because whilst on the phone to Mum she heard addict brother SCREAMING like a demon at the family and our Mum was shaken up on the phone.

I said thanks for letting me know, as messages from another brother who was at the house came through saying addict brother left and police are there now.
He’d smashed a bin, shouted threats and mentioned he has headbutted someone in the high street.

The police took a photo of the bast@rd, plus the damamge and told us if he returns then call the police – he arrived three hours later like nothing happened with ‘Alright Mum?’.

Nobody said anything and our little sister texted our sister at uni and asked her to call police as he would hear us.

He sits in the back room ready to strike up his next batch of brown for round number 4,328.

20 minutes later, 4 officers turn up and escort him off the premises on the basis of assault and criminal damage.

He asks ”am i getting nicked?”

Well, duh!

He spent the night in a cell, never to return.

Police asked Mum if she wants him back after bail, she actually hesitated!

Our brother said to her well, ”do you want to be in here p!ssing yourself from fear each night he does this?”

So Mum said ”no”.

She has been advised again, to get an NMO and given a number.

Other brother mentioned the headlock incident from the other month – they took that into account as well which has put brother back on the sh!tlist with addict brother again, but at this point, nobody even cares.

The police called with him in the background and apparently he’s ”sorry” and ”going to get help”…..

He’s been back a few times, of course p!ssed and on something (also on one occasion talking cr@p about Mum’s decision to call the police) to collect stuff and I’ve just said to Mum not to let this be a thing where he is wearing her down again to get back in with not one scintilla of changed behaviour.

She’s fully the type who wont tell us anything but then we come in one day and he’s just sat at the dinner table – no explanation, just a surprise when he acts the same again **eyeroll**

The whole house is lighter, smells cleaner, everyone is sleeping properly.

It’ll be interesting to see if he bothers to sort himself out in the face of being left homeless.

I don’t wish any bad on him, I’ve just washed my hands of him completely.

My only Job now is to keep Mum firmly stuck to her guns.

[m]

Hi Frazzle pop

that’s great progress from where things were before.

Let’s hope your family can keep this up to protect themselves and will be a bonus if your brother gets well too as a result but main thing is to keep safe

xx

[FrazzlePop24]

Aw,thanks.

Nope! True to form, he’s been popping by since this happened, saying less and less about why he’s turned up each time and staying longer and longer.
The first day, he come to collect a jacket.

The second day, he came to ‘get his bike’, which has been broken for months and he was stalling for time making a show of trying to fix it in front of Mum. She cannot keep still when he’s visiting, she follows him around with clean clothes and socks like he’s five. It’s actually vomit inducing.

This afternoon, he came back, no mention of why, getting nice and cosy.

Apparently, he ‘lost’ his druggie prescription, came to hers and she went back there with him and apparently the prescription has already been filled…So, then get the CCTV and prove it – because why doesn’t he have the drugs?

So, no meds-he’s gone else where to procure the real stuff – which Mum likely paid for…
He comes back 6 hrs later, so it’s late and getting ready to bed down for the night…

We have been telling Mum all day this feels like a ruse – she, in her Dot Cotton glory swears straight he’s ‘being given a tent, having a shower and then going’….it’s likely they planned this whole thing. They’re both liars and have form on this front.

She takes 30 mins to work up the courage to ask him to leave.
He takes that same amount of time to leave whilst talking sh*t about being asked to leave.

She then follows him out tonight with his tent to the car park to ‘settle him down’ – this is a 33 year old grown man.

It is not unheard of and therefore entirely plausible that she will sit in the park with him until it’s late, then sneak him in when we’re sleeping…bearing in mind, this is a 60-odd year old woman out at night babysitting her crackhead son who treats her like less than the help…which begs the question:

WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?

Her party line to us earlier was: ‘oh,no. He has to go, otherwise you will all be upset with me…..’

It’s like ”No, he has to go so you and your dependent children can sleep and live in peace without a raging alcoholic and drug abuser screaming in your face and threatening you all. Your child is failing every subject in school, one room of your home is filthy, he’s doing drugs with your disbaled son present in the room, and you never know if you’re going to wake up to a fully charred kitchen, or a sink full of dishes and you’re having to hide all the knives”.

Honestly, if she doesn’t wake up soon, I fear something tragic will happen by his hand because she cannot maintain a boundary for more than 48 hours, even when been threatened – she told my sister she has never been so scared in her life by what’s happened.

So, why keep coddling someone who so blatantly hates you?

Him being ‘well’ is neither here nor there to me because there’s nothing actually wrong with him, he isn’t ill, he just likes being a junkie because of the attention it gives him.
Even sober, he is a nasty b@stard, drugs and beer just make it more apparent.

How she has evaded social services is beyond me because the way all of us have presented growing up because we were knackered from being woken up by him or getting into fights with my Dad.

And when we’re challenging her about why he’s being allowed into the house so easily, she says ”I want peace in my life”, which means ”Don’t challenge me about this bad idea because I cannot handle conflict”. Which I find interesting because she grew up in a household with a lot of shouting.

So, she’d rather live in complete misery than, be the bad guy – I mentioned this to her earlier about not wanting to be the bad guy, and I knew I hit the nail on the head – she went silent and went to get his tent.

Look, if she wants to have him back here, that’s fine.

But when he does something heinous, I don’t want to hear any more complaints.

[Author]

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