Asking adult daughter addict to leave the home

lorry321

23 replies

Asking adult daughter addict to leave the home

Does any other parent out there feel the anger and rage that I do over my daughters drug abuse?

Sometimes I’m hopeless and sad to my bones.

But sometimes when she demands money or is completely demanding of my time to take her somewhere for her to live her drug fuelled life, I am so angry I’m sure I could do serious damage to something someone or myself.

Is this normal for a tiny little lady nearly 60 years old, to feel such overwhelming rage?

  • debc
    Participant

    Hi Lorry321,

    Welcome to the Forum, hope you are ok. Lots of people on here to chat too.

    Schedule

    • lorry321
      Participant

      Thanks Debc for responding, I am feeling very alone. I’ve let my daughter home as she seemed to have nowhere safe to stay, she needed sleep and food. I’m thinking my life will have to be this way to protect her as much as I can. Has anybody out there tried to move to and live somewhere remote with no access to drugs?

      I’m thinking that’s the only way to find some peace in my old age and wondering if that would help?

      Thankyou

      • debc
        Participant

        Hi Lorry321,

        I am the Mum of an addict Son alcohol and cocaine, he has good times and not so good times. He has been in rehab twice, but only because he wanted to do this, they will only try Recovery if they want too. My Son is 30, and as you will probably know it’s like living in hell.

        Can you see if you can read the Theresa thread, lots of Mums with adult children in the same situation. It’s a good place to be able to rant and get some really useful advice. I’m so glad that I found Adfam, nobody judges you and let’s you know that you are not on your own.

        Always here to chat.

        Take care.

        Dx

        • lorry321
          Participant

          Thankyou Debc.

          I will try and find the Theresa thread and read it.

          Take care too x

  • nathan08
    Participant

    My daughter has been home for three months she’s addicted to crack and heroin she’s swerved the heroin but the crack is ongoing for at least 6 years she’s changed so much her only love of her life is crack she sleeps all day awake all night I haven’t the energy for her anymore she’s 31 her hygiene her teeth her well being it doesn’t phase her I’ve lost the lovely caring girl she was

    • lorry321
      Participant

      I’m so sorry, I feel the same, my daughter has also been lost in the nightmare of her addiction.

      Please take care of yourself and I am thinking of you and living through exactly the same, you are not alone, we and so many others are going through this ❤

      • nathan08
        Participant

        Thankyou for your reply every day is a new day yesterday I felt angry and hated her but today we laughed ❤ try to hang on to any hope it’s all we have your words mean alot 😊

    • clare-bear
      Participant

      Sorry to read your post. Do you have any indication what has caused your daughter to turn to drugs? My daughter is falling further and further into a different life too and the teeth I can sympathise with, they are all rotten and yet she does her make-up nicely… I wish I could understand where it’s come from…

      • nathan08
        Participant

        I can’t understand the need for drugs but I can understand the addiction don’t know why can go on blaming everyone else and everything I take a big step back now I haven’t the energy because once you understand the cycles nothing changes at one point I was banging on drug dealers houses in a really rough part of the city 2 3 4 in the morning like a loon ball trying to get her home now I can understand you’ve got to let them come to you

  • clare-bear
    Participant

    Only just joined this group Lorry321 and read your post. So sad to read what you’re going through. I joined as looking to see what others are experiencing and how they cope with it. I am completely with you, I feel the same about my daughter, I’m having counselling but the overriding feelings are anger and rage. I’m interested to read others stories and not feel quite so alone… warm wishes to all x

  • icarus-trust
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m so glad that you have found this forum as the people on it are so supportive. If you would like anymore help please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family. If you contact us one of our Family Friends who are trained and experienced will be in touch.

    You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

    All the best to you.

  • nathan08
    Participant

    I really couldn’t say why my daughter has turned to hard drugs she’s just been reinstated on her prescription for oremorphine I think it’s called that well this is her last chance two months down the line now she can enter detox I’ve no faith left I seem to be going with it I ve stopped trying to give out ultimatums and if you do this I’ll do that because it just falls on deaf ears I now 100% know it’s got to be them who helps themselves

  • lorry321
    Participant

    I’ve spent over 10 years trying to keep my daughter safe and stable from being on the streets, however, this weekend it’s a case of telling her she has to leave. It goes against everything I want and I know she won’t be safe, but she has stolen our TV this weekend to sell for drugs, she has threatened to kill me, tells me she hates me, all because I refuse to give her money.

    My partner of 20 years says he cannot live with her under our roof anymore. We are ordinary hard working people, desperately trying to live an ordinary life, go to work every day having had no sleep because she sleeps all day and causes us problems all night.

    I really feel like I don’t want to be in this world any longer.

    • nathan08
      Participant

      It’s so frustrating there’s nothing that they say or do surprises me anymore it’s so much harder for us being on the normal side of all the chaos I Love my daughter with all my heart but if I died tomorrow she’d just carry on as she has done tough love is the hardest to give things won’t change if we keep the circle of events happening and happening 💔 It’s so good to talk I wish you well xx

    • debc
      Participant

      Hi Lorry321,

      I think there is only so much one person can take, stealing your TV is really bad and I can imagine how upset you are with her threats as well.

      You have to do what you feel is right for you and your safety, because they cannot keep getting away with things like this, they have choices at the end of the day.

      Please don’t feel like you don’t want to be here, but I do understand where you are coming from.

      Take care and keep in touch on here.

      Dx

    • laraine
      Participant

      I feel for you and this is how I felt at the end of last year, suicidal. My addict son is still just that and is at home with absolutely nothing to his name which doesn’t seem to phase him at all.

      I wonder if you feel like me, that you wouldn’t care if you never saw them again. I’m not ashamed to say it. 18 years of this. A waste of all our lives.

  • lorry321
    Participant

    Thanks to Nathan 08 and Debc for your responses, I hope you are both OK and coping.

    Such a sad situation that we are all in.

    Love to you all ❤

  • lorry321
    Participant

    Daughter has been home asking if she can stay here again if she gets stable but had to say no.

    The cycle continues every time she returns, she’s gone off now to try and get a cheap phone, get somewhere to stay, talking about rehab if she’s not stable in a month………

    Booked into a travel lodge tonight so she has a roof over her head.

    I’m feeling so sad and desperate for her but maybe I need to go through this to distance myself and maybe that will help her in the long run if I’m not her safety net?

  • lorry321
    Participant

    Feeling rotten forcing my daughter into emergency accommodation with the authorities but what else can I do?

    She has abused me for money for so long, stolen the TV, I dare not let her sleep here again, but I feel terrible.

    She is trying to get housed with the council now, ringing them, has left it late in the day but if not I will be paying for a travel lodge room again, I wish I felt better after a good cry but I feel worse. Hope everyone out there is coping OK. 🙏

    • nathan08
      Participant

      Your really not forcing your daughter into anything she has to understand these are all the choices she has made my daughter gets paid next week I can feel the anxiety building up inside me it’s so hard but they really need professional help in sheltered accommodation they usually get a case worker and there will be help for them don’t feel bad on yourself keep strong x

  • lorry321
    Participant

    Laraine, thanks for your post , I really feel for you, this situation is so heartbreaking for us parents, we are the hidden victims of society’s scandalous drug problems. The upset and rage we feel is the result of being ground down for years by a hopeless situation and our children change into people we don’t recognise who hurt us endlessly.

    Please take some time for yourself and continue to get support on here.

    I have found some comfort knowing I’m not alone in the suffering 😘

  • lorry321
    Participant

    Thanks for the invaluable support, it really helps knowing I’m not alone and I’m just sad so many of us are struggling with our children’s addiction.

    We are the hidden and I wish we could get the help and recognition we deserve for the caring we are doing for our ill children, take care of yourself 😊

  • EllieMae12
    Participant

    I am new on here and like you go through a torrent of feelings of, anger, rage, sadness, hopelessness. guilt.  I have another adult child who has not gone down this path so how did this happen you wonder when you have been a decent parent, not perfect, who is?  I am also at an age where I thought I may have some peace in my life, but it’s not looking likely – it’s hell.  If any of us had the answer we wouldn’t be posting on here.  Although I have some good family support sometimes you need to talk and share with another parent in the same position.  All we can do is try and support each other and live in hope.

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