Back too square one

a little hesitant here but whats the worse that could happen? I’ve suffered a life of abuse sexual and physical, not that I’m saying thats a excuse for my actions.  I was basically forced out of my childhood home at the age of 15 after years of abuse I couldn’t take anymore. I ended up living homeless and by the age of 17 I was pregnant with a herion addiction and living on the streets of Manchester.  When my child was born he ended up being taken into care, which was definitely the right decision to be made at the time although back then I didn’t think so. I spent the next few years living in hostals, parks, shop doorways. At the age of 24 I got pregnant again and decided this is enough, I wanted to be a mum so much and give my child the loving home I never had, it wsnt easy but by the time my child was born I was completely clean and had a home through a housing association, my child’s father although 19 years my senior was a great father and a hard working man, but the circumstances around us meeting wasn’t the fairy tale I’d dreamed anout he was basically a punter who paid me for sex, nether the less he stood by me, helped me get clean and provided for me and my son. Unfortunately when my son was 2 years old his father was killed by a group of teenagers who he’d refused them a cigarette, without him there i fell into old habits, mainly ddrinking this time but i soon shaped out of it. 20 years later I’ve just got on with my life but always struggled with my past, I suffer extreme ptsd i have panic attacks daily. I was encouraged to open up to my family about my abuse by my therapist, eventually I did just that, what I got in return hit me like a brick, I got called a liar i got completely disowned and now I have no family no friends and I’m seriously loosing hope , even my son disowned me after I attempted to take my.life, although looking back I never would it was just a cry for help. Anyway last november I met up with a old friend who needed somewhere to stay , I agreed and little did I know that he was still a user after all this time. One night he offered me some herion , said it would help me to sleep, which he was right and well here i am now back to square one, using herion everyday when I’m not using it I’m scared that I can’t get anymore, I wake and think about it, I spend every penny i have on it.  I’ve had enough I’m now 40 with no family no friends and little hope. Please tell me there is somebody that can relate to me. I thank you for reading this . God bless you all