[cmj1523]

Hi, I stumbled across this forum tonight while I found more drug paraphernalia.

He makes me feel stupid. I’ve found burnt spoons before, bottles of ammonia hidden, bicarbonate of soda and always has an excuse. I think I’m love blind as I’m not normally this stupid.

I occasionally (very occasionally use cocaine) and he uses this as a one up on me as if I’m no better.

I love him and I’ve asked him outright if he’s been doing crack and he always says no! I feel like such a mug believing him.

He’s been away for a month, I’ve been so looking forward to seeing him, but a parcel came and there was nothing to suggest that it was anything bad but I knew it was ammonia.

He went to the bathroom and I just knew something was going on so I called him out on it and he came out freshly showered.

I’m a bit ocd with cleaning and I noticed a plastic bag in the bin, and I looked behind the toilet and there was the ammonia. I confronted him and he as always blamed someone else… “he ordered it for his brother”.

I was obviously really upset and asked him again, he said he’s done it before, but never again.

I told him this was the last straw, that I’m very supportive and I’ll be there for him if he needs help. I told him between us no more cocaine, no more temptation and I don’t want any drugs in our house.

So today………. We have a nice day, then he has a couple of beers and says how it’s the last time he will do it but he wants a gram. I obviously resist say it’s me or the drugs… but I’m too weak to leave him.

So he gets what he wants, at first I resist, then I’m like f*** it, the quicker it’s out of the house the better and the less for him to take. (I know I sound terrible too, but honestly alcohol and drugs I can take or leave).

We go out and have a good time, come back to our flat and I see him going through the laundry basket.

He’s now asleep on the sofa, so I go through it… and feel a sock that has a burnt spoon in it and other bits. He’s sleeping now, but I’m so upset, I can’t sleep. I love him, but this has to be the end right?

I’m sorry for rambling on. And I’d really appreciate some advice… i know I don’t help occasionally doing it myself so I don’t need lectures.

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