[jessie18]

I’m completely new to this & completely out of my depth. My partner of 18 months told me he was a social user of cocaine. And Was with Him use it on occasional times with couple friends of ours, I admit I did try it but wasn’t for me. I don’t see the point in it.we don’t live together yet i have a young child and he has 2 children he has every weekend too. He works full time and never has any money, only for bills but nothing left over he broke down this weekend after I confronted him as it’s the debt was not getting better and lied about more debts etc and eventually admitted he had been using it 3 times a week in his car on his own after work for a year. And owed thousands so had to borrow money off his parents and they knew all along. During this time i lost a pregnancy too he said he is depressed no self esteem and couldn’t cope with it all. He has told me he stopped using in sept so hasn’t used in all this time and paid off the last debt to his dealer in Oct. he has contacted narcotics anonymous etc and I’ve told my own parents and they like him but told me to leave him. We were planning to try again for a baby, I deeply love him with all my heart I feel like I should give him another chance just one more as I can walk away knowing I tried. I also want to trust him but can’t trust a word he says and don’t want to end up mothering him checking his bank account and bills etc in the future etc. He is begging me to stay with him. I’m so lost as I am in my 30s and really wanted another child but know I would be unhappy with having a child with an addict if he didn’t go clean. I feel so low and it’s making me ill as I have my own child to worry about. He has sworn he hasn’t done it in my house or round the kids.

[icarus-trust]

Hi ,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you feel so confused and out of your depth about how to deal with the impact of your partner’s cocaine use. It’s very sad that it’s making you feel ill. If you think it would be helpful to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact us at Icarus Trust.

We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family and we have specially trained and experienced Family Friends who you could talk with if you get in touch. Maybe talking to one of them would help you to feel less lost and know how to move forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Take care and good luck.

[Author]

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