[jorge15]

Hi. This is my story so far.

I grew up in a family that didn’t even drink. When I was a teenagers I found drugs and alcohol exciting so experimented with it all. Never went near crack or smack but that was about it.

I did bits and pieces but started to really slow down as I went through my 20s. Got married, had kids, pretty much stopped doing any drugs at all. Probably went 10 years where I only dabbled once or twice a year when the missus was away and I would have a big night out.

Well fast forward to my mid thirties. I changed jobs, everyone in my new place was doing coke. To start with I didn’t really join in, had maybe one or two lines after work. The fact that most of the other staff were at least 10 years younger and doing coke reminded me of how fun I was when I was younger. I struggled with the new job a bit. Not that I wasn’t able to do it very well, but I have never been good at dealing with stress. So I started doing more coke, evertime I did it my stress disappeared. So that’s where the addiction started about 4 years ago. I hide it from my partner the whole time, she really had no idea. She has never done anything so didn’t even know what to look for. Fast forward 3 years, I had tried to stop, over and over but no good. I was getting worried about my health, heart, circulation, teeth nose, amdyemtal health was fucked. So I decided I would email a charity for help. I hadn’t tried to get help up to now as I was petrified my wife would find out.

Any way, my wife read the email that they sent back. And the whole vail came down . We talked a lot and cried and I agreed to get professional help. Which I did. I told her, if I’m going to do this she needs to decide whether she is going to see if through, or I’ll leave now because us having issues while I’m trying to get clean with knock me back.

Well. Two months later she decided she couldn’t cope with it all and I had to leave and move in with my dad. Obviously that was when I started again. Two weeks later I moved back into home. But she didn’t know that I had started again. About a month ago, I moved out again, it was my decision. She was really hard to live with, she never said that she knew I was using again and I’m not sure whether she did or not. And maybe that was why she was so short with me. I don’t know. So now I live with a friend, I’m doing more then I have since the beginning. She tells me she wants me back and I want to go back. But I don’t want to live a lie and I really don’t want her to suffer because of me. She doesn’t deserve it, she struggles as it is as she lost both parents to drinking. I’m going to try to stop now. But I don’t want to go back till I’m clean. Not sure how successful I’ll be, but if I don’t stop I don’t know if I’ll make Xmas. Just don’t know if, even if I get clean there’s a happy ending. I hate myself.

[bt1978]

Hey Jorge. Thanks for sharing mate, that cant have been easy.

That is alot you have going on there, and it sounds like you know this is a problem, it also sounds like you dont know how to stay stopped

There is good and bad news here I reckon.

The bad news is that addiction left to run riot will only get worse and worse. It will strip you of everything worthwhile – family, job, home, finances, friends

The good news is that if you are serious about stopping and have genuinely had enough, with willingness and hard work there is a wealth of stuff to throw at this. You can beat addiction a day a day at a time and live a happy healthy productive life.

It’s really up to you now mate

[jorge15]

I’ve been reading through a lot of other people’s posts. Seem to be a hell of a lot of posts by the people living with a coke addict. Its a scary thing, and it seems to be almost as big as smack was in the 90s. But it’s more dangerous, cos.no one had a cheeky hit of smack in the pub toilet and still had a banging night out. Come sneaks up on you. It took 20 years to.get hold of me.

But I have some advice for everyone living with an addict.

First of all. You have to decide whether you are going to see it through or not, From the beginning. The drama of you leaving in the middle means you might as well not have bothered in the first place.

Second of all, I can’t stress this enough, they may stop, and they may be doing really well, but there is still a good chance they will wobble. DONT MAKE THEM FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Think of coke as beer. If someone is an alcoholic, and one night at a party, they have a few beers. You wouldn’t jump.on them and go mental, you’d probably ask them how they feel about it and tell them, it’s ok, it’s only one night, let’s just keep going.

Come is the same times 10.

If you want the old them back. You need to support them, not attack them, and they need to feel.comfortable enough to tell.you everything.

Also. Understand, that months down the line, they are still addicts. 5 months after being clean, my wife put 20k into my account because “she didn’t trust herself not to spend it” I tried to tell.her I didn’t want it, but I was too scared to tell her it was because I was scared I’d spend it on coke.

What I’m trying to say, is it will only work if you do it together, trust me, he is going through worse then hell, If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d be down there already and seriously relieved that I wasn’t living this torture any more.

Work together and use your brain, you can probably trust him with anything, except, you will never again be able to trust him with drugs and money. You need to come to terms with that.

[jorge15]

Sorry for the rant. I don’t know if anyone will read this. I just needed to say this, cos I don’t think I’ve got any chance of getting what I need, but if I can help someone else, then at least my.pain won’t be for nothing.

[kel1]

Everyone’s experience is different, and that’s without the standpoint of children and subjecting them to hell as well.

I’d imagine you’re in the thick of it, and have struggled, but you don’t know what other people’s lives have been like whilst living with an addict so reading what you wrote just added insult to injury! Let’s say, we did all you suggested “for years” and it still got worse – then what? Shall we stay some more, destroy ourselves a lil more, have a break down a lil more? Because that’s the reality of it!

That’s why other places such as Al Anon offer no advice and or cross share, because addiction affects us all very differently!

I can’t even say anymore right now other than wishing you well In your own recovery!

[bt1978]

You can’t do someone else’s recovery for them. It starts and finishes with them

[kel1]

Yes agree with you BT1978

[bt1978]

I just think there is a fine line between support and enabling the addict. I know for a fa t if I’m not present and correct, I’ll be looking to an out or some way to manipulate the situation or justify my behavior

[kel1]

I was enabling for years until I realized and that hit me in th face which was devastating for me and my family. So yeh I get it

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