[jul05]

I guess as everyone here I come with a very familiar story. I have been in a relationship for many years now, married for 3. We always have been rather volatile,but we managed to sort most of the things out and got married.

But a year later my husband got addicted to cocaine. A year that followed was horrific with all his relapses, me looking for him and helping him. He constantly lied and I was too gullible and always believed him.

It came to a breaking point in September and he said that he truly wants to get clean now and he told me all the horrible things he done that he cheated and how he lied. And he told me is truly committed now. He has done a lot of therapy and stayed clean for 6 months. Our relationship was healing and getting nice and normal again, I felt that we can make it all work.

Turns out he was not fully working on several things and has had a relapse once after 6 months. While I know it can be just once before he recovers, but the thing is he does not remember most of the night or says he doesnt and he has now been diagnosed with an STD. He says he doesnt remember anything and I am not sure if I can believe this or not. I dont take drugs myself and never been in this situation, so I cant even understand what is possible. I am finding it really hard as I dont know if I can believe him and if i can forgive him , and if those things have to be forgiven really.

He does try , I can see, and goes to therapy. And our life is generally good, but this time it hurt so much, because I was sure he is in recovery and it would work. I cant really bring myself to forgive him about it and how he has done it, because we had friend over that night. I feel so stupid that I am not leaving, and I dont know why. And I keep being stuck with thinking if I can believe him and if people can actually change. And I just wanted to write here to hear some other stories, if people are in the same situation. If it did work for anyone of if I am just wasting my time now.

With the virus we are now stuck in the house ( thankfully we have 2 bedrooms) and obviously it does not help much.

Thank you anyone for reading this.

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