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I have been with my partner for almost 2 years & a few months ago we moved into our first home together. I was aware of his cocaine addiction fairly early on in the relationship but didn’t realise how much it was consume our lives.
Earlier on in the relationship he would disappear all evening/night and I wouldn’t hear from him at all. He wouldn’t answer texts or phone calls. And then would tell me he was “sleeping”. He had told me at this point that he once had an addiction but was clean. I even defended him when he told me his parents thought he was relapsing. In the next couple of months I developed a close relationship with his mum & she broke down one evening and told me he is using & even after a 6 week stint in rehab (before we met) never really stopped.
She decided she couldn’t cope anymore or help him so she kicked him out of the house. I was so inlove that I allowed him to come move in with me. This was when I started to witness the extent of his addiction.. he would come home after disappearing for hours suffering from severe psychosis & would be frantically pacing the house for hours. To witness this absolutely tore me apart.
He refused rehab again because he claims if it didn’t work the first time that there’s no point. He started therapy but only had 3 sessions and said it wasn’t helping. I was at a loss.
He started exercising & really looking after himself after I told him I was at breaking & he was clean for 2 months. A house come up that we both loved & he said we should go for it ..
I expressed my concern about his addiction & he agreed that I’d be in full control of the finances so he wouldn’t have access to money for cocaine. We moved in. And for another month he was clean and doing well..
And then he relapsed. Id come home from work and sometimes he wouldn’t be home. Other times he would be pacing around the house due to psychosis.
His recently agreed to try therapy again. And up until last week was 5 weeks clean.
Can therapy alone really help him?! His never been abusive or horrible to me whilst using. He uses so much that I don’t think he even realises I’m there half the time.
I just need to know that I’m not in a never ending cycle. I need to know that therapy can help him beat this? 🙁
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I stayed for months with a cocaine addict, he made the speech to stop, because it was bad, it doesn’t help at work etc, and he even went to a psychiatrist and takes medication, however, it is for secondary gain, for him to adapt his addiction to the routine without so much declared loss. Because there is a moral issue, which they lose in the brain, I read so much about it. They lose their sense of morality, judgment, and security. So, he even said he wanted to stop, but the facial expression was manipulated, they are excellent manipulators. The pleasure is as great as the risk. He thinks it is normal, but as society condemns, he needs to mask it so that the partner and I at the time, we would not find him a vagabond (he dethrones the idea of finding vagabond those who use drugs). But as long as he himself, does not realize that he is doing real harm, or does not suffer from an overdose etc. by drinking also with the drug, they will not want to leave. It is an endless cycle, yes, there are reports here of a boy who was 7 years old, some 10 years old, with an addict, and there are only ruins in that. I was only 5 months with one, and it was complicated, he was always tired, he always had no money to help with snacks, and he passed me STDs. They are malicious and opportunistic. You only lose, because you think that the nice part of them supports the relationship. He runs away from therapy, and I tell you that even with it, and medicine, if he doesn’t want to, he won’t give up cocaine! the reward it brings is huge, I went to the doctor with him, and he manipulates the doctor !! it is one of the worst addictions I have ever seen, I am in the health area I am 40 years old, he is 40 years old, and it will not change, it will only get worse, and you will go along. My friends, even one of them, a psychoanalyst, told me that, because the center of morals, rewards, his judgments, is annulled by the use of the drug, it is no joke. I moved away from him in November, and I still think about him, but due to my lack, because he was toxic, lazy, in bed it didn’t work anymore. I don’t want this for you, you don’t deserve to be a drug addict’s nanny! please look here for a story called: 7 years with an addict, read if this is what you want .. Don’t fall for it. It will hurt, because I liked the good part of it, but he had no desire to have anything serious except with cocaine. I miss him, but they don’t really like anyone, cocaine leads to empathy though, there are articles about it.
Look, can I tell you honestly? I once heard the exact phrase here: if you have no children with him and nothing that ties you to him, run like the wind.
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Yes dear, if he wants to go out and stay a long time without, and even then they will always always have relapses and it will be very difficult for them to be without a long time. Just read the posts here, and the scientific articles I read. I believe in God and that Jesus can do that, but still with a very strong chemical inclination, they will always relapse and get worse. So, it would be reasonable for your life to meet someone really healthy. If it goes out and stays clean a long time ok and you will never know if it is true. I know now, and I wouldn’t risk having spent more than a month with him, they just suck and give us nothing. Read the post I told you about the boy who spent 7 years with a girl and is now suffering from an addiction to her person.
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Read this and the best advice of Thelostone…
https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/forum/thread/3656
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Your story is very similar to mine except he was a meth user and I stay for 4years, thinking that he would change he tried rehab and counseling na meetings but he always went back to meth. He would be clean for a couple months then start lying, missing important dates. I took told control of the finances he asked me to then I would find things around the house missing my jewellery his work tools etc he sold them. He manipulated me so much that I was blind to how bad his addiction was. I left him not because I don’t love him or I don’t want to support him but I had to put myself first as hard as it was, I had been so focused on him and trying to sober that I lost myself. And me trying to fix him wasn’t the answer. He needs to do the work he needs to want to be sober not for anybody else other then himself and only then will rehab, therapy work.
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