[vixen]

Found out a year ago (on my first anniversary) that my husband (who I knew loved alcohol) also used coke socially. But this use went from social to regular while dealing with running a new business, coping with the breakup of his previous marriage and inadvertently viewing a nasty suicide.

He is always very open and honest and told me that while high on alcohol and coke his sex drive shoots through the roof and he’s also been using prostitutes. He’s used them 7 times since we’ve been married.

I forgave him when he told me all this as he is clearly an addict and has a problem (I know, I know… I am an idiot), but I really want the guy I fell in love with back. However, I’ve finally asked him to move out after he told me about a recent slip up when he brought one into our home for sex while his little kids were asleep upstairs.

He’s started counselling and I’m giving him space to sort himself out. All his family and friends are supportive of me and are rooting for him to get clean. I don’t know how I feel anymore. More and more stuff keeps coming out when I chat to him. Last night he told me he was smoking crack a few weeks ago and fell unconscious for 2 hours… his heart rate slowed right down and his body went cold and his lips were blue when he came round. He said he’s surprised he woke up as there was obviously something wrong with the batch he bought. He nearly died! He also said he’s smoked heroin in the past too.

While I love him to bits, I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m not even asking for advice, I just want to know if anyone else has been in this incredibly crappy situation. 🙁

[eck-1346]

If he wanted you the drugs wouldn’t have happened believe me im an ex addict lost the lot but all my fault

[feegeedee]

Agree… It’s our fault… The drugs win all the time.. Because we have no self worth until we do you can’t save us… Save you instead the best advice I can give

[vixen]

????

[vixen]

Sorry, that was meant to be a sad face emoji…. 🙁

[georgia26]

you need to walk away, he is in way too deep, honestly, your life will be consumed by his addiction – once they smoke crack there isnt much going back seriously, cut ties and move on there are honestly plenty more fish in the sea. xxxxxx

[vixen]

He said crack was horrific, he did it for 3 weeks and had awful side effects (he never has side effects from alcohol or coke, never had a hangover in his life, lucky git!)… So I’m guessing he won’t do crack again, aside from that he has no money, he’s lost all his friends and family over this (we are religious and his behaviour has led to people drawing away from him till he sorts himself out)….. He’s clean at the moment, but he’s still drinking, which always is a catalyst for him… I’m worried it won’t be long before he falls of the wagon again when another life stress comes along. 🙁

[steff07116]

Wow this is sad. Also , I feel this deeply it’s similar to my situation , but before I dive into my story I want to ask you how were you able to forgive him having sex with 7 women ? I’m having a hard time forgiving mine and he had penetration with two women and 40 nuru massages with happy endings( hand jobs). I have major ptsd & I’m on the verge of leaving this guy because it’s too much. I think when a person cheats whether addict or not it’s more than the drug. It’s them wanting to be with other women. I’ll let you know about my story below:

so I found this thread today and I been needing help. My boyfriend was an addict for 4 years we been dating for 3 years and had our daughter almost in the first year of dating , during this time I didn’t know he was using I only found out about the using last year in February 2022 , I was crushed and didn’t know what to feel . I had a mental breakdown and at one point wanted to just end my life because it was too much to bare. I found out he has cheated on me with two women from the pool hall and he said he was sorry that he regretted it but I couldn’t believe it . I still can’t. He was hanging out with them 4 days before it happened so to me that’s pre-planned. I can’t believe that it was just the drug that was taken over him to do such a thing. He said he only slept with one once and the other twice but it’s strange to me. Also, he was going to massage happy ending places getting nurus which is pretty disgusting and he was doing that for a full year during that year I wasn’t able to work because I was with my daughter and he was working paying the bills & it got so bad he burnt through 24,000 in a year on cocaine and massage places . He was using every day and would go through one bag of $100 a day . It got so bad that he started asking me to help pay rent and I was so clueless this whole time that he was an addict and so I had money saved and helped pay Rent on two occasions. We barely had enough food in the fridge and I still didn’t get why he didn’t want to come home why he was out all day and would only come occasionally. I was pregnant while this was happening I thought maybe he is going through a lot because he had just lost a house he had because he couldn’t afford the payments. His family didn’t like me and they were giving him pressure about leaving me. So I thought maybe he is dealing with it by being away but he would always drink everyday so I thought that was weird . So when I found out about the cocaine it was because he had bags of it hidden in the apartment. I confronted him and he came clean that he was using said he would stop he stoped for 3 days and went back to it. I didn’t know about the cheating yet. Then a month later I didn’t feel right my intuition was telling me there was more so I asked for his bank account info and there was all the charges from the massage places. Pretty disgusting I also told him that I had a friend who was searching through his phone and that’s when he came clean about the cheating with the girls at the pool hall plus I saw he had purchased a hotel room one night & I remember that night because he didn’t come home & he turned off his cell phone. After I found that out I didn’t know what to do I love him so I decided to give him a chance he went to rehab but he went because he was scared to lose me yet I knew it wouldn’t work if he didn’t go for himself sure enough he came out and about three weeks later he went to pick up cocaine. I was about done with him at that point yet I felt like my daughter deserved to be around his dad if he was capable of getting sober. I think he hit rock bottom when he no longer had any money and I wasn’t going to give him any. He changed he has been sober for almost a year in June he will be a year.
he changed he become really supportive towards me and his daughter he comes home everyday but I struggle with the cheating , I struggle with knowing that other women touched him & he touched them . It breaks my heart and I don’t buy it that it was just the drugs doing that ? I don’t know its hard believe. I feel I have ptsd from everything the drug addiction, the cheating, the lies , and man it’s so hard to believe him even if he changed has anyone gone through this? I just feel like I’m alone. Maybe I just need to leave. I don’t know , I’m not even in the financial situation to leave. I feel stuck. I don’t have family either that I could stay with so I really feel alone.

[cap50]

Hi

I feel like my situation is similar. I’ve left my husband after his coke problem has been going on for years.
I’ve found messages to prostitutes on a couple of occasions, he has denied anything went on but I don’t believe it. He lies all the time about taking coke. we used to have a nice lifestyle but it’s got to the point where money is always tight and he says he’ll get help then the next day it isn’t a problem.
we started out as one of those couples that would go out and recreationally take a bit of coke when drinking but it’s seriously got a hold of him. He did it long before meeting me and I thing the problem is very deep rooted. No matter what it always seems to be everything or everybody else is to blame for it.
I’ve been out of my mind because I get accused of  being controlling, and accusing him of using when he’s not (although he was) I feel like I’ve been gaslighted because I’ve doubted my own sanity.
I eventually had enough and asked him to go because I can’t deal with how it makes him. He sleeps, misses work, grumpy, snappy, nose bleeds, blows nose constantly, sneaky and the rest. I was hoping that it may make him realise what he could lose. But sadly it’s not the case. Now he says he’s not as bad with coke now I’m not around and I’m not what he needs.
it’s been blow after blow and it’s been the hardest loving someone and knowing things won’t ever change.
I wish there was a happier ending to it.

[thistim3]

Test and protect yourself from sexual transmitted diseases (std), if you suspect or know that your partner is cheating.

[eddie123]

If you know of anyone who is struggling with a loved ones addiction, I know of a great charity that supports people nationwide. The family support programme is remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours.

https://www.adaptoxford.org.uk/support

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[cel99]

Hello I am so glad I found this chat . My partner is totally addicted to both coke and escorts and I have gotten lost in the whole situation. I am just so relieved to find other women in my situation . He formed weird relationships with them but then has lighted me about it all. It’s been terrible . I would be so glad to talk to someone about it

[gremlin]

Hi well where do I start, I have a coke addiction for around 11 years. I’m 50 and I have a job where I earn good money it’s a 300 a week habit sometimes 4 I am on it literally most days, and believe me it has ruined me, how my girlfriend has stayed it is beyond me.. I’m a normal guy but once I get that I am a complete changed man, the only thing on my mind is Coke, how I haven’t died is beyond me.. sometimes I sit there with heart palpitations and think this is it, but do you know what… I wait till I calm and yes you have guessed it another big fat line! Who would do this when you could just drop dead, and guys and gals people do… I don’t smoke but when on that I smoke like a house on fire, and the porn.. well every Cocain user has the same idea I think you spend hours on it, guys with 11 years experience I can tell you please don’t even go there, I’ve lost everything every week 300 goes from my wages and and you think when I pay for that I have nothing so I get more, my nose is burned out it’s got to stop, but being a addict please can someone give me advice, when I’m normal it’s a few days and I then think about and then I go at it again, people this drug is evil it bends your mind, alcohol sex and cigarettes and in normality you are not like that… befor I was doing ok, even used to collect classic land rovers there gone, everything is gone, so I am writing to people to say the warnings of this drug, you will lose everything, your absence from the people you love your mum your dad look at the time money the quality of life you lose and how time goes quick and befor you know it your older and deeper in dept and what have you got to show for your money… I really need to quit and tell people my experience if you have this problem we know what your going through and the things you do when on it, life is not always about risk, life is about the small good things you do, and believe me I’m trying to do that… good luck to everyone with this problem in stopping it it’s so hard

[Author]

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