[hazelaquarius]

I won’t go into all the details, but my partner has been addicted to cocaine for 6 out of 7 years of our relationship. However, he doesn’t use it daily it is usually over the weekend. He doesn’t take it socially though, he will buy it and sit alone in bed sniffing all weekend. He’s lost everything due to this drug, money, jobs, driving licence, friends

So my question is, what do I do! I don’t want to put up with it anymore but I also don’t want to leave him as he would be perfect without this problem. I never lend him money so I don’t enable in that aspect.

Should I ignore him when he’s on drugs or should I say something?

And what about when he’s normal most of the week, should I be in a mood with him or act like nothings happened?

[hollieb97]

I am almost, but not, in a similar situation. It seems to be if you act in a mood they retaliate badly but if you aren’t moody they feel they can get away with it.

I really hope someone’s able to answer you with something helpful!

[hazelaquarius]

Exactly! I feel like I only get the real him for a short time through the week so I don’t want to throw that time away with me being off with him but at the same time it may seem to him like he gets away with it. I don’t think there is a right answer to it really. And yes if I was acting moody with him I imagine he would just go out and get drugs.

I’m at a stage in my life now where I feel like he’s holding me back, i.e I’m ready to settle down and have a family and get a house and he’s holding me back from doing those things.

I think I’m just going to give him an ultimatum on Monday when he’s normal that if he doesn’t seek help to change then I will have to leave him, unfortunately I think that might be the only thing that might make him change when I leave

[dizzy]

I’m not sure there is an answer ? Difficult isn’t it!

I’m also in a similar situation where my partner appears to be on a never ending cycle of self destruct!… it generally starts on a Friday and can continue to a Wednesday before he has his act back together again. This isn’t every week end however with the recover period it’s a constant ongoing cycle. Whilst he is self destructing, it is also destructive to our relationship and my own mental health. Lies and continuous mistrust and deceit eventually impacts on a persons mental health. The whole situation is unhealthy.

You ask if you should be cross about the situation, you definitely have a right to be! If you do not express your frustration how will he know that his behaviour upsets you ? He will always find an excuse to go and use again so I wouldn’t hold off expressing how his behaviour is effecting you because he “may” use again, he is an addict he will anyway. Addicts are also the master of manipulation!

My partner is lovely l adore him, but I can’t tolerate his behaviour any longer. I am so angry that he has ruined everything and if it where as easy to just not use cocaine then we would be amazing! It’s unfair and cruel and it infuriates me and I do get cross and tell him. What makes it worse for me is that I am qualified in working with recovering addicts and do understand however, when it is your life being effected and not an outside in view it’s very difficult to diss-attach your personal feelings to offer support.

Is your partner aware of the issues his drug use is having, does he want to change ?

Mine does not want to change, he says he does but he also says he enjoys what he does. Rock and a hard place unfortunately! Life can be so shit!

[hazelaquarius]

Do you have a plan on how you are going to deal with the situation?

I think, for me, leaving him might send him in a downward spiral but it might be what he needs to hit rock bottom so he can wake up, I can’t keep putting my life on hold for him anymore it’s not fair. I’m really scared he might die though and I don’t want that on my conscience I already have anxiety as it is.

I’m 26 and feel like I should be settling down now 🙁

[samsung8]

Hi my bf does cocaine and gamble and he says when I say stuff to him I I make it worse the next day he in a bad mood and he snaps at me says horrible things he said it’s going to be better tomorrow I’m not going on a mad one I tell him how I feel and that I cant keep doing this it’s like every weekend or every 6 yo 7 days I dont want to be nice cause he just things that it’s ok yet he keeps doing it he did it 2 days in a row and that we talk tomorrow he says he going to sort the house out tomorrow I cant leave as I’ve got know where to go as we in lock down cant ask anyone to stay and I have a job to keep it’s so hard as he makes me feel like shit then he like he knows and I get it but yet he still does it

[mrpopple]

Hi ladies,

I hope you find this of help. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years with my girlfriend. I had a severe gambling problem and managed to overcome it shortly after getting together. I however turned to cocaine about a year into the relationship and have averaged 2-5 grams a month (not a lot).

She doesn’t know about this and I continue to hide it from her. I never use my problem to belittle or devalue her and always treat her with respect. I’ve also held down a good job.

In my opinion from the way your partner has acted as you’ve detailed, I think it’s completely unacceptable and immature. I truly think if you was to end it (even if you have the attention to get back with him) it may make him wake up and realise he doesn’t want to lose you.

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