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October 22, 2018 at 1:55 pm #4927holly83Participant
I have been off and on with my ex for over a decade, due to his aggressive behaviour when drinking. Recently he got back in touch and told me he missed me etc. We had been apart for seven months. He said he had been to the doctor and got some anti- psychotic medication for anxiety and was quitting drinking and starting a new job.
We took it slowly and have met up a few times a week for a couple of months. He is doing well but in the last couple of weeks, whenever I try and speak to him when he’s not with me he’s been drinking AND taking his meds. He usually tells the truth about this, but yesterday he asked to borrow money for a food shop as he doesnt get paid until mid November. I am quite skint but lent it to him as I didnt want him to not eat, but he does already owe me money and I said to him, DO NOT use this money for anything other than food.
I said, very clearly, if you relapse I understand and I can support you through this but you CANNOT lie to me about it or spend my money on it.
Later I called him and he was wasted. He shouted at me and slurred his words but would not admit he had drunk anything, saying it was his pills and I should trust him and what a bitch I am etc
I told him I was going to come round to see if he was drunk (I was actually sitting at home but I can always smell it even the next day). He begged me not to then finally admitted he had drunk “one beer” but still blamed me for his aggression and said I was “berating him”.
I told him I cannot do this because he has lied and used my money and I can’t encourage this. I ended it. I hung up and we haven’t spoken since. That was yesterday, and I have had no apology but he’s happily posting on social media like nothing has happened. Was I wrong to end it? Am I being too harsh? I am very triggered by this as my dad was an alcoholic and I can’t stand the smell let alone what it does to people. I feel like at first he told me he wanted to give up anyway, and now its like I have become the alcohol police ruining his “good time”. He minimises it when he drinks as if its not a problem suddenly. HELP! If I forgive him am I enabling? I am so upset as I don’t want to end it. I love him very much and when he’s sober he’s perfect for me, my best friend. I literally have no idea what to do.
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