Feeling hopeless

hayleyT

4 replies

Feeling hopeless

I’m new here and this is really hard to write as I never talk to any one but I really feel like I cannot cope anymore , my fiance is an alcoholic and it is giving me a breakdown I can’t cope . He’s been hospitalised for times in the last 9 months one time was for a month he had gone jaundice and was severely unwell but he continues to drink he has had breaks where he does stay away but only a couple of weeks . He’s a compelteky different person when he drinks he’s horrible but he also has seizures and blackouts . He’s killing himself I can see it . I feel completely hopeless he also has a gambling addiction which is worse when he drinks he constantly goes on at me for money empties my account I just don’t have anyone to talk to there’s a lot more to this which makes it more complicated but I’m not ready to share that at the moment

  • Truly_Tired
    Participant

    Sorry to read this and understand how helpless you feel.  My sons both have addictions and I’ve learnt that it doesn’t really matter what the addiction is as they all result in much the same way – albeit some might be illegal. There is help available to all but each individual has to make a conscious decision to stop. Even when they do this the road ahead is long, bumpy and sometimes goes back to the start. As a mother I cannot give up on my sons but you can decide, if you need to, to walk away. I’m not encouraging you to do that but reminding you that you can. Try to see/speak to someone and always remember addictions are serious illnesses and our loved ones do make choices but these are normally to self-medicate for trauma so they need understanding, love and support whether we stay near or far. Take care of yourself.

  • Lozzy80
    Participant

    Hi Hayley and Truly Tired

    Been here so many times wrapped up so much in my husbands mental health and addiction, his constant needs , that I’ve neglected myself, my own health and needs. I’m in a very bad place now because of it, and he has shown he couldn’t give a fucking monkey about me. It’s broken me. I’ve stood by him through so much , put up with so much , and when it boils down to it they will do whatever it takes to keep putting their  own interests first- i.e. the addiction

    Never have I felt so alone.  I know he isn’t my flesh and blood but I just haven’t been able to walk away …the guilt kept me staying …as I know me walking away will be like pulling the pin from the grenade and throwing it ..

    But now it’s to my own severe detriment. I will regret staying for the rest of my life ,😞

  • careaboutyou
    Participant

    Hi All,

    Two things:

    Realise that none of this is your fault. If they are abusive to you, that’s the drink talking, not the person.

    Leave, any way you can get away do it, before they destroy you. Every adult is responsible for their own lives, they do not have the right to destroy the lives of others, especially disguised as love. It’s not love, it’s toxic.

    Find the strength to leave, you deserve a peaceful future. Good luck. xxx

     

     

     

  • EllieMae12
    Participant

    Yes when nothing you do seems to help, you really do feel hopeless.  Whether it’s your child, husband etc it would be much easier if we didn’t have emotions, unfortunately we do and unfortunately that’s what makes it so hard to walk away.  I wish there was a simple answer to this but of course there is not, so all we can do is listen and write our feelings down here -it does make one feel that you are not quite alone in this.

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