- This topic has 52 replies, 26 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by bluebutterfly1.
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June 27, 2014 at 8:25 pm #4261sad-and-tiredParticipant
Well I am trying tough love on my son. He doesn’t live with me now. He has lost his job, soon to lose his car, doesn’t seem to care!! I feel very sad and worried, his sister tried to call him, I have tried and he doesn’t answer his phone. He was staying with someone who has now kicked him out so I am not even sure where he is…….I don’t know where all this will end, he is not my son anymore, he only contacts me when he wants something……..I have no choice but to stay strong but sometimes it is so hard not to break down and ask him back. I know I can’t though I will only bring the nightmare back into my home.
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June 27, 2014 at 11:00 pm #8502concerned-mumParticipant
Hi,,,I have nt posted for a while but I still read through the posts…I just wanted to say I fully understand how your feeling ….I m sorry I cant offer any advice as I too dont know what to do half of the time,,,Stay strong my thoughts are with you…I share your nightmares…good luck xx
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June 28, 2014 at 5:19 am #8503sad-and-tiredParticipant
Thank you, it’s not good to know there are lots of parents going through this but knowing there are people who understand what I am feeling helps in a way. I want this to leave my life, I want my son back. For the first time there is really nothing I can do to ease the situation.
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August 14, 2014 at 9:58 am #8613cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hey Fiona….your words resinate with all us parents when we say the dealers should do the sentence too……You are a wise woman who has been there, supported and loved your son, and I doubt that will change…the only person that needs to change is James, whether its in prison or not, only he can make that change..Sending you much love, support and a massive cyber hug…. xxxxx
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December 18, 2014 at 12:30 pm #9066icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Marley,
This is really difficult for you and It sounds like you could do with someone to talk through how you are feeling and how to find a way forward for you to help your sister.
The Icarus Trust is a charity who supports people in situations like yourself. We have trained volunteers called family Friends who you would be able to talk to and may be able to help you. They would also be able to put you in touch with any other support you may want.
This is a free service and I hope that you would find it useful.
Good luck.
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June 28, 2014 at 3:36 pm #8505cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hi Ladies, just checked in to see how we are all doing….Its awful watching our children live in the hell of addiction…Ladies, you are doing what is best for your kids, and the rest of the family..but its painful…I pray for our kids each night, and if there was a miracle out there I would gladly pay for it….It has to be down to them, and that is the hardest thing, because we have to wait……Ive got one week left till my son is back home, and im getting those feelings in the pit of my stomach….I REALLY HOPE there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all …cyber hugs xxxx
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July 5, 2014 at 9:41 am #8535alexis2Participant
Hi ‘Sad and Tired’ and Amanda… I have a 32 yr old son, and I ran into this blog because I am searching for the same as you both are. Tough love has to be the hardest thing for us Moms to go through because we just can’t imagine one of our children would not only do drugs and ruin jobs, finances, relationships, no friends, isolation, on and on… and they blame us, become verbally abusive and what about OUR lives, and Our relationships. Surely we deserve some happiness too instead of worried sleepless nights. Well, after searching and reading your stories, mine is very similar. My son is 32, unemployed & keeps jobs maybe 2-3 months then takes 2 more months to find another job. In the meantime, like you, trying to ‘save face’ or keep the situation at bay so I won’t have to explain much to my husband, I just help him pick up the pieces, again and again. But, I recently started feeling just way too used and tired of the ‘its your fault’ verbal abuse & language that I am going to do the ‘tough love’ thing again. I trust in the Lord enough to know
that whatever happens was inevitiably going to happen. We are human, we are not here to perform miracles for our children. My husband feels the same, like ‘when’ is enough? Like you I also have taken him food, toiletries, paid rent, electricity & phone because I was afraid he would fall into the streets and crime or get beaten up, and I wanted to always have communication. But, I recently spoke to friends & a Pastor friend who said they would put him in a Prayer list and for me to let him discover himself & have some remorse for his actions or I would never be released from HIS addictions. So, tough love it is. I feel for you both and will be worried to death, but when is it enough? What about OUR happiness.. I wish I had better advice for you all, but I am really just beginning to NOT continue paying for any of his debts. Like they say if it ‘works’ for them why should they change? So, good luck to you both, my blessings are with you. May the Lord give us all strength for this disease…-
September 29, 2014 at 8:37 pm #8835cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Nathan, how very lucky the love of your life was to know such a loving, warm , caring man….your honesty hits the mark, and I applaud you for it….my son has an alcohol problem…his road to sobriety is a tough one..That and the cocktail of drugs…..every day is a battle….only yesterday he succumbed, then in the cold light of day blamed everyone else for wanting to see him fail….so selfish, but then that’s how it works..Nathan, hold onto the love you shared, grieve in your own time, and never apologise for how you feel. As for my son, well, it’s his battle, and only he can do it..I’m the bystander, who cheers him on when he has doubts, stays away when the beer and drugs kicks in…I’m not heartless, but I won’t enable, and I won’t be part of that horrid life he gets sucked into….I was trying to work out how long he has been sober, and it’s since the middle of July…2 relapses…..I hope he conquers his demons..all I want is for him to be happy, not too much to ask is it? Anyway Hunni, I’m sending you a cyber hug, and the belief that there are people who care….luv to you, and here if you want to talk xxxx
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October 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm #8845scannersParticipant
Bless you nathan, I ditto that cyber hug too! Xxx
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October 3, 2015 at 6:06 am #9445crushaParticipant
Wow you have been through so much but they must know that it is not ok to treat you & your home badly. It is disrespectful, you gave birth to your children but you are not responsible for the bad choices they make. You may only see a change if you take a stand a d make it clear you will not be used as a doormat no matter how much you love them. You only have one life & you must live it the best way you can even if tough love decisions have to be made.
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October 7, 2014 at 1:37 pm #8856icarus_trustParticipant
Hi Nathan,
That is one astounding story. It’s unbelievable how heartless people can be. Good on you for expressing yourself.
Your situation is a very tragic and unique one, but if you should ever want someone to talk to, they are out there. The Icarus Trust are all about providing help and support where it is needed. Drop them an email on info@icarustrust.org or go their website http://www.icarustrust.org is you would like someone to speak to.
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July 5, 2014 at 9:47 am #8536alexis2Participant
Also I totally understand what you mean, about wanting ‘Your son” back. So do I. I really miss who he used to be, so loving, kind, handsome and thoughtful. I don’t know what drug he is using, or what if any mental condition he has. but, like you said it does help a little knowing others may be feeling what your feeling. Again, I will continue prayers for all us moms, as WE are the ones who care more for our kids no matter what they have become. But, be strong it is true. they are more resilient than we think:) God Bless
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October 3, 2014 at 5:53 am #8837kms2014Participant
I think we all have the same questions -“Why do they continue to chose this life when they have such wonderful blessings? What did I do wrong?”. I am learning to accept there are no answers to those questions and I would drive myself mad trying to figure it out. God bless you. I hope you and your son find peace one day like I hope for me and my exhusband x
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July 10, 2015 at 10:23 am #9377little-alParticipant
Can you please not post this on my blog sandy 222. I joined the group to share with people experiences and help others. .offer advice. My parents passed away 12 years ago and I had countless mediums do me readings. .played on my heart strings . Whilst I am open minded that some people do have a gift. .If I felt I wanted to go down that route I would find out for myself. .so no more messages !
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October 3, 2014 at 11:17 am #8838swiftyParticipant
Thankyou so much for your lovely reply. Wishing you and your ex husband, all the best x
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October 3, 2014 at 7:51 pm #8839cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Addiction touches all lives regardless of how we are bought up…..I hate it, hate seeing my son try and fight it daily…..my heart breaks every time he has made a bad decision, I see how hard it is……I know it was nothing I did …and I have learned a valuable lesson through all this..ALL addicts deserve our sympathy, because it’s like hell on earth from them, for those that love them…..for whatever reason they turned to drugs, I won’t judge them…..so won’t be judging the doctor, the judge, the neighbour, the guy in the squat, the policeman, the teacher, your son, husband or my son…….I continue to educate myself about this terrible disease, and pray my son can overcome this vile illness …….sending hugs to all xxxxx
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July 23, 2015 at 7:18 am #9381shazb1971Participant
Hi susie don’t blame yourself my son is a weed addict it is hard to stand and watch someone wreck their own life but it is their choice they are adults and you can’t control them at the minuite my son isn’t speaking to me due to being nasty and abusive i have had to block his number the drug as turned him schizophrenic it is horrible he is no longer my son in reality my son was loving fun caring the drug as completely changed his personality the stuff he comes out with is in reality totaly different to what happens he is a dreamer but at the min i have had to cut him off for my own health as i have his younger sisters to bring up but it has completely changed the way i deal with their behaviour now i am getting on top of lieing theiving chatting back disrespecting me or the house or other people all behaviours that remind me of my son i am getting on top of and i have warned them both already that if they touch drugs i have pea sticks to test them at the ready and they will be punished hopefully they will head my warnings as i have been punishing them for the other behaviours and it as worked and reinforcing them but it is very hard like you i feel helpless i love my son but whilst he is like this i can’t deal with it all hopefully one day he will realise wake up to it all xxx
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October 4, 2014 at 11:29 am #8840swiftyParticipant
I know what you are saying, the sad thing is most people dont understand and sadly do judge what they are not informed about…I have suggested this to so many people, but they dont want to know what doesnt concern them, part of being human. My best to you and your son x
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July 17, 2015 at 1:09 am #9378nevergiveupParticipant
It’s so sad when someone you love goes into self destruct, my children’s father is in self destruct and it’s heartbreaking to watch and not know how to help. I live with the same problem my partners now on the medication to help him off drink but he’s still drinking, forgetful, angry, abusive, I know that energy you say you are using, trying to keep them alive, it’s heart breaking. Im still looking for a solution and I’ve been looking for 20 years, my children will be fortunate if they spend Xmas 2015 with him. He’s in self destruct. You need to take care of yourself and ask for help from the professionals, I hope things work out for you both
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July 17, 2015 at 7:34 pm #9379blue-butterflyParticipant
Hi Nevergiveup, Thank you for your response. This is the wrong way to say it but its nice to know there is someone out there in the same position as me. My partner keeps saying she needs help…but is drunk the next minute. She goes to the GP but I think she tells them a pack of lies. I don’t think I could cope with this for 20 years and to be honest I don’t think she’ll be here in 20 years. She binge drinks every day now. I come home to find her passed out most days. So I completely understand the term self destruct. i’ve lost 3 stone over the past 6 months, I’m trying to look after myself…I am going to take your advice and speak to my GP, I’m due to go for a medicine review in a couple of weeks so will try to be brave and tell him whats happening in my life. I hope you find a way to get through this. I pray that your partner will finally see what he is doing to you and his children. Take care of yourself.
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July 22, 2015 at 9:51 am #9380nevergiveupParticipant
Blue butterfly, please tell your doctor what life is like at home, professionals are more understanding to the reality of life nowadays and they will give you different avenues of support. Much of what you say is identical to what im experiencing and what many others are experiencing. Ive told myself this time is the last hand of support I will be giving. Ask her to refer herself for help, its a step forward if she does. Make sure you attend with her if possible. I went along to an appointment with my partner 2 years ago and I told the doctor is situation. It upset my partner but it probably saved his life, I hope somehow you get the support you need since you cant support your partner if your breaking down too, good luck and you take care of yourself too.
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July 23, 2015 at 10:25 am #9383shazb1971Participant
hi blue butterfly and nevergiveup although my problem is with weed with my son i am also a recovering drinker there is a lot of alcoholics in my family i think we have addictive personalities i now have an addiction with collecting stuff mainly art glass which i do spend money on but at least it isn’t hurting my family and at worst i can sell it and get my money back and maybe moreso. But i know too well what addictions are it makes you selfish not see things clearly when i look through sober eyes now i am kicking myself my eldest son is addicted to weed and now my eldest daughter i have two younger daughters i am really going to town on them as i don’t want them thinking drinking and drugs is normal it is the society we live in that doesn’t help drugs and drink are treat like a norm but when you have addictive personalities it soon goes off track my son as schizophrenia now due to weed use he didn’t do drink much as he always got into serious trouble and was abusive with it so it put him off but did weed in excessive amounts itas affected our relationship we have had a big fall out but he as become very abusive and angry at me i have had to block him but i feel for you both as at least i don’t have to deal with him as he isn’t living with me but obviously it hurts like hell as i have lost a son to drugs as my son would never speak or abuse me like that horrible is drink and drugs take care of yourselves as it makes you mentally and physically ill Sharon
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July 23, 2015 at 4:31 pm #9385nevergiveupParticipant
Hi shazb
thank you for your comments, my partner too smokes cannabis daily and is very paranoid at almost everything. If you could offer 1 single piece of advice to us families who are desperately trying to help a loved one, what would it be?
do you think we are better to walk away, since many of us have tolerated abuse formany years. His abuse when he needs a drink makes me feel very depressed. I must say I am very proud that you found a way back but feel for you now having to distance yourself from your son. Put your efforts into the younger two and hopefully things will work out for you. -
July 23, 2015 at 9:13 pm #9386blue-butterflyParticipant
Hi Shazb, Reading your comments makes me feel like there may be a chance to turn things around. I know both myself and nevergive up are asking questions. but what was your turning point? You should be very proud of yourself for doing it.
I echo what nevergiveup says, focus on your younger two, educate them on the effects of drugs on their own bodies but also what it would do to the people they love.
what i’m going through with my partner is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. on the outside everything is fine. inside I am just about holding it all together. I hope we all find a way to cope with everything we are dealing with. I can’t talk to my family about this, writing on here is the only time I allow myself to be truthful. just wanted to say thank you for your replies. take care -
July 23, 2015 at 10:30 pm #9387nevergiveupParticipant
Hi blue butterfly, its really important you tell your family, they probably already suspect anyway. Telling them will give you someone to speak too when you need to let steam off, I dont know how
w you have held it together alone. Perhaps telling your family will offer some respite from time to time. Its nothing to be ashamed of and you will feel much better if you do. My family know and they are very understanding. Shazb has really turned her life around, I believe one day her children will return to her just like she returned to them. A little tough love does nobody harm. My partner emptied dishwasher today and mowed the grass, a massive achievement. He has 2 days left of the alcohol tablets then basically he has none, not sure how the weekend is going to be, but im hoping its calm, not abusive and doesnt leave another bad memory. Ive been made redundant so apart from living like this, I, also trying to find another job to keep our home. There are days when its all too much and I could just simply pack up and I too have days where I could turn to the drink. My love for my children restrains me from doing so. Ifshazb can turn things around there is hope for us and our families. Talk to a family member and if not them tell your doctor, good luck, I hope one day she wakes up and sees your pain and I hope that comes sooner than later, take care -
July 2, 2016 at 10:56 pm #9618bluebutterfly1Participant
It’s almost a year since I wrote this post, had to add 1 to BlueButterfly as I forgot my login details. Things are no better. We have days of binge drinking then one or two days sober…or soberish. She’s been so abusive and full of regret when sobering up. Her family weren’t great before but as she was getting drunk, going there and being abusive they no longer even reply to her texts. Which is making her worse. I’m stuck in this until the end. No one else will keep an eye on her. I’ve gone past the point if hope. But I can’t walk out knowing how bad she gets, she binges to the point where she goes into muscle spasms and then passes out. She has no shame as she will binge drink on the street. I just pray she makes her way home before her blood alcohol level gets too high. I’m just so tired.
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October 7, 2014 at 2:12 pm #8857icarus_trustParticipant
Hi Swifty,
It is hard, and there are ways of trying to deal with it, to help yourself and other members of your family. The Icarus Trust help you and try to find your suitable support as well. Their website is http://www.icarustruts.org, of you can contact them directly on info@icarustrust.org
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September 8, 2015 at 6:57 am #9432paisleyashlynParticipant
My ex and me were together for Two years and 4 months, we were very happy to be husband and wife, last month we went to california and stayed with his family, after we got back he started acting distant, then he started hanging out with a girl, and kept sneaking off to go hangout with her, so i got upset, i could not endure, i tried to do everything to please him but it got worst, one day he left the house and never came back, i tried reaching him but no way i could reach him, because of the heart break he has put me into, i went into search of a real spell caster but I was scammed several times, but I never relented in my search because I want a happy life with my boyfriend, when i saw testimony about spell caster Mr Robinson buckler on the internet, so i contacted him and to my greatest surprise (((robinsonbuckler @ yahoo. com))) restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him by the magic power of Mr Robinson buckler spell
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July 5, 2014 at 9:52 am #8537alexis2Participant
I also feel so much in my heart tonight because today was a very hard day, with aggressiveness & it was a MY fault day… so I wonder if you feel that your children may “harm themselves”? because that is my fear. But, even though our worse nightmare isn’t it true that we ALL have choices & have had to live by our choices? So why are we compelled to take the blame for our kids bad choices? I think we let them continue to “do their thing” away from our home, and let them miss a meal or 2 and see if they really want the help. If so, we get them into a halfway house where they work to eat. Just thinking out loud. I am as tired & concerned as you. Thank U for sharing:)
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October 7, 2014 at 2:27 pm #8858icarus_trustParticipant
Hi Rachie,
One of the best things you can probably do is speak to someone who has been in a similar situation before to help you. Talking about everything can make it all seem manageable, especially if you can relate to a situation. The Icarus Trust provides Family Friends who are available for you to speak to, and will try and find additional help for you and your situation. You can contact them on email info@icarustrust.org or go to their website http://www.icarustrust.org.
I hope this is something
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August 25, 2015 at 7:06 am #9409anne1Participant
Go to Addaction support centre they will support you get you on a med script one to one counciling and group sessions
Try it you will get on the road to recovery they can even offer rehab
Good luck -
August 28, 2015 at 10:25 pm #9415cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hey Squidgy….i feel so sad reading your post…I’m a mother of a lad of 25 who has done drugs for several years and is trying to get his life sorted…he was in recovery for over a year, had a great job and relapsed…I’d hate to think my son could be doing drugs in his 40s…the depression is a side effect of all the drugs you do, including prescription…..please, please, please take that step, cause Anne 1 has given great advice…life is easier to handle when your not taking drugs /alcohol/prescription drugs to get through the day…good luck Hunni xxx
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December 11, 2014 at 2:44 am #9047agnesParticipant
Hi Rachie,
I’m so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you, but thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in exactly the same situation with my mum. It’s been like this ever since I can remember, there are times when everything calms down – but even in the calm times I’m constantly worried that she will do something because I can never really tell how OK she is. I do the same as you, call and text everyday. I try to support her as much as I can financially and emotionally but in the long term I don’t know what to do either. I looked at this website because I can see that it’s really starting to effect my mood and ability to sleep and I needed some help.
Some of the advice I’ve received from other people might be of use to you too though.
– try to look after yourself, I know how hard it is when your constantly worried about someone you love but you won’t be able to help her at all if you don’t put yourself first.
– let other people help, this is the thing I’m struggling with most. Even if you have the courage to speak up and explain the situation to someone, they aren’t always very helpful! I’ve realised that most people don’t know what to do either – so I’ve sat and written lists of small practical things that close friends and family could do for me. For example, calling in on my mum when I can’t be there.
– talk to professionals, I am very aware that it depends on who you see and who you trust but I recently had a chat with my mum’s GP (who told me he know’s another family in a very similar situation). I know that often my mum is more likely to listen to someone other than me, purely because she’s the ‘adult’ and I’m the ‘child’. I went with her to another GP appointment and we’re feeling much more hopeful about the help available out there.I’m still worried and anxious, but I’m trying to just deal with each day – and so far that’s been easier than thinking too far ahead. Anyway I hope this helps you feel even a tiny bit better – the way your story helped me.
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July 5, 2014 at 12:40 pm #8538sad-and-tiredParticipant
H Alexis2, my son Is 22 years old, I pray he is over this soon. How strange that everyone has similar experiences. When my son asked me for money (for food) and I said I would buy him some rather than give money he didn’t want any hmmm strange don’t you think? when he then said he was trying to get a crisis loan for food and I queried this saying I had offered him food so maybe the money was for something else he told me to f…off and said this was the reason he hated me.
Why because I can see through what he is doing. Yes I worry that he could hurt himself but what can I do?? I hope and pray that there is a good end to all this soon, and some people I am in touch with are seeing good results from tough love, so with this in mind I continue on, doing what I am hopefully for his long term benefit. Stay strong Alexis2 its all we can do xxxx-
October 6, 2014 at 7:02 pm #8846cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Oh Hunni, it’s so hard to live with…..I know that feeling all too well….is there anyone who can support you? Dealing with an addict on your own, especially when they are desperate for cash is frightening…..I know that some parents who couldn’t cope anymore sought help from police, but I’m not sure you want to do that….I was constantly walking on egg shells and in the end made him leave…..he didn’t like it, but it was the last option, and I hate to say it,, but it was the best thing for both of us…..I stopped helping him in every way while he was drinking and doing drugs….worried myself sick, but there was no other alternative…..he hated me at first, but I stood my ground. It’s not the solution for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family xxxxx
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October 6, 2014 at 9:55 pm #8851scannersParticipant
The police are involved, the criminal record he has is all to do with me, how sad is that? I have an injunction so that he stays away from my house but im still allowed contact because I wanted to help him find somewhere to live, he is staying with his grandmother but he is treating her like he did me and I can see it! My mum cant take no more and she has told him he
has to go but at the moment he wont because he has no where to go, and im giving him money so he dos, nt bother my sweet mum, but he still does, and I can see its how I was living, or should I say im still living it.nothing has changed! Its just he lives there and not here! He is 28 with a mind of a 16 yr old, he is angry with everyone, but the cannabis is out of of control, its every day about 20 to 30 pounds worth, he has not worked for months, so its my money. Oh what a mess im in, he scares me, he shouts and looses his temper and now he is doing it to my sweet mum. I need some help, desperate for help,that walking on egg shells is so very true. His dad wants nothing to do with him, and my son stays away from him, but when I say to him, I want nothing to do with you, he wont accept it,! Im seeing a councilor on friday, im hoping she can help me, i have also been advised by the police to change the injunction back to non contact whatsoever, he will break it, like the other 3 times, and be back in front of the judge! Xxxxxx -
October 6, 2014 at 10:35 pm #8852lolipopParticipant
Scanners it sounds to me like you’ve done all you can for your son . You can’t let him get away with this sort of behaviour anymore and now your poor mom is involved . I hope speaking to your counsellor on Friday will help you to see things more clearly . Sometimes walking away is all we can do it doesn’t mean you’ve given up on him if just means you will be strong enough to help him when he’s ready . Deep down I think you know this but your scared and lonely and very tired I know how that feels but you can and must do something about this situation it’s terrible for you to continue living half a life . My heart goes out to scanners sending you a massive hug
Love lolipop-
September 6, 2015 at 2:01 pm #9430anne2015Participant
KAnon,
I understand exactly how you feel. I’ve been with my partner almost 7 years and he has smoked weed since i met him.
A few years into our relationship he started to deteriorate and i believe the weed caused him to develop a mental illness as well, his anger controls him, at time he is not in touch with reality and he says awful nasty things with no limit.
Over the years he has also taken money for weed but never given it back and convinces himself that he has reason to not have to. He is aggressive, unpredictable and arational.
In his eyes he is never wrong and everyone around him winds him up. He smokes from 7am before work, after work and non stop all night and weekend.
He wants to sit in the house all night and day as the more he smokes the more he doesn’t want to go out & finds it hard to be sociable he just watches TV 24/7.
He slowed down the smoking for about 3 months and he was a complete different person, wanted to be outside all the time, was smiling, happy and enjoying life but then he slipped back and now he is even worse.
I thin cannabis is a much bigger problem than people realise as i know many people with all the same issues.
I fully believe my partner has a mental illness now and i want to find help to get it sorted as i can no longer watch him deteriorate.
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October 7, 2014 at 10:42 am #8853cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Please Scanner, go Friday, and change the injunction…I know it’s hard, but your mum and you do not deserve what he is putting you through…addiction is cruel, and addicts simply cannot help themselves….prayers to all those effected by this horrible illness x
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October 7, 2014 at 10:36 pm #8860scannersParticipant
Thank you my lovely ladies, nobody judges anyone onhere, everybody has a story to tell and to get support back feels fantastic, I thank you deeply. I will go friday and change the terms on the non-mol, im also seeing a lovely lady who is going to toughen me up a bit and learn to say no……. hugs to you all.xxx
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August 17, 2015 at 8:41 am #9402jsParticipant
Hi, he wont commit suicide, this is emotional abuse to you. People who have true intention on committing suicide they dont tell anyone. By telling you he will do this, he wants a reaction, and as moms we are the fixers and will do anything to make our children feel better. As a trained counsellor and a mom of a cocaine user I know most of the tricks used and threatening suicide is one of them. I worry all the time about my son and only this friday gone have I had to kick him out of my home for stealing money from me yet again and I worry that he will be cold, dirty and hungry but this is his journey as your it is your sons journey too and we cant take that for them.
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August 28, 2015 at 10:37 pm #9416cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hi KJ…….addicts have yhe knack to make us parents feel terrible….the lies never end..I’ve heard it all…people going to kill him, he’s going to kill himself, he needs money to pay dealers….ugh, it’s a nightmare …I knew nothing about drugs until my son was in court when he was 17 and it came out he had been unde the influence of cocaine and alcohol….he said it was the first tine and I believed him…he’s 25 on Sunday and we have had years of this bullshit…..he was doing really well,and was in recovery for over a year…he had a great job, great life, then relapsed.that was 2 months ago….today he went back to to his drug counsellor and made an appointment with his doctor….we will see! JS is right…it’s their journey, not ours…we may worry as parents but the addiction is theirs…hard for a parent to hear, because we can’t save them…I support my son only when he’s trying to stay clean……xxxx
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September 3, 2015 at 11:30 am #9425shhParticipant
I really feel for you. My story is a similar one. My son is 21 has been taking drugs since he was 14. He has been a heroin user (amongst other drugs) for the last 4 years. It has been a roller coaster ride. He was always getting in trouble with the law. Escaped prison sentences time after time, ( some for dealing). The last year he has not got into trouble because he has no social life, he rarely goes out. He has been into an NHS detox 3 times now. I feel like I can not bear to watch him killing himself any more. I have given him an ultimatum, he gets clean or finds somewhere else to live. We have even agreed to put the money up for private rehab, so I am aware he is very fortunate! He has 1 week to decide, I know tough love is the best way for all, but I am feeling scared that I am not able to follow this through. He has no job now so will have to find some way to fund his habit. I am thinking that this anguish will end if he goes but that is prob in my dreams. I can not help feeling sorry for him!
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October 9, 2014 at 10:48 am #8863swiftyParticipant
Please my love go on Friday and start to look after you. I am in a similar position…my heart goes out to you…big hugs and lots of love x
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August 17, 2015 at 10:19 pm #9403skParticipant
Hi sorry to hear your story.
I just wanted to say you have done the right thing for your grandchildren and that’s all that matters. You have saved them and should be proud of that. Hopefully your son will see and get the help he needs. -
August 24, 2015 at 9:08 am #9408anne1Participant
Well done
You have to be cruel to be lkind and the children and your safety and wellbeing comes first every time x -
August 28, 2015 at 10:08 pm #9413cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Kyle, you are wonderful…your grandkids deserve to be safe,and what your son n partner do isn’t safe..their behaviour impacts on the kids….if they want to do drugs let them, but keeping kids in that environment is scary! Hugs to you wonderful man xxxx
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September 4, 2015 at 11:51 am #9428kyleParticipant
Thank you for all your kind comments .
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October 10, 2014 at 7:12 pm #8866lolipopParticipant
Hi scanners thought about you today . I really hope you went and found some support xx
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October 13, 2014 at 10:16 am #8870cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hey scanner how did you get on? Hope your ok xx
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August 29, 2015 at 6:50 pm #9421laumar134Participant
Thanks for reading
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September 3, 2015 at 3:59 pm #9426cant-take-no-moreParticipant
Hi Hunni….unfortunately your doctor is right….only your brother can save himself….rememver one thing…we are all responsible for ourselves and what we do..go to uni, enjoy your education, and make a life for yourself…As a mother of a son who is addicted to alcohol n drugs, it is up to them to want to change… It’s hard for his younger sister, but our priority is her….we don’t enable, just support when he wants recovery x
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June 10, 2016 at 9:48 am #9605asiblingParticipant
Thank you for sharing your story.
It seems there are few services and research done considering the experience of family members, in particular siblings. That is why I am conducting a research project looking at the narratives of siblings, encouraging others like you to share their experiences. If you wish to participate and share your story or would like more information please contact me at u1422721@uel.ac.uk. Thank you.
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