Hello Kate,
Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I am so sorry to see what an emotional roller coaster you are living through at the moment. I know that can be very hard and am sad to read that it’s affecting your sleep and eating.
You sound like a very strong person but you might like to have some help for yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support to people who are dealing with the impact of a partner’s addiction. If you contact us I can put you in touch with one of our very experienced and specially trained people. They would understand what you are going through and talking with them might help you to decide what to do.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps.