[twistedangel112]

So I never thought I’d be writing in a forum. I’m well out of my comfort zone but I guess I’m my wit’s end.

Drink has been an issue all of my life (I’m 36!) My mum and dad would go out drinking every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, me and my brother’s would have a babysitter until the early hours of the morning, they would argue and be violent with one another most nights. Then they would finally go to sleep until lunchtime, leaving me to look after the younger ones. This went on until I was about 13. That’s when the nights out stopped and the drinking at home started. my mum used to hit the vodka hard in the evenings. By the time I was 19 my Mums drinking was out of control, polishing off 4 litres+ a week of spirits. Arguing and becoming violent with anyone that tried to stop her.

Eventually when I was 29 she see the problem herself and went to a detox centre for a week. She came out and managed to only go 6 weeks without a drink.

She thought she was going to be in control this time. Well within 6 months alcohol was back controlling her evenings. This time it was cider and lambrini. At least one big bottle a night.

Then she went onto white wine.

I pleaded with her tirelessly to stop but it fell on deaf ears until October this year. She has finally sought help after admitting to drinking 3 bottles a day. From the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed.

She’s awaiting her review as to whether she can get funding to go to a rehab and detox centre.

I now have her wine at home and ration her, with weekly reductions. So she can’t have more than I allow.

It’s taking its toll on me. My children and husband see me upset a lot. My dad is a complete joke, and is being completely unsupportive. My brother’s live miles away, 2 of the 3 have basically washed their hands of it all anyway.

I’m with her all day to keep her mind off the need to drink. Taking her on walks. Listening to her cry everyday about the drink, how unhappy she is etc.

Im starting to really despise her for putting this all on me. I’m the one having to make all the calls to the doctor’s, her keyworkers, my brothers -to keep them in the loop.

I’m at my wit’s end. By the time I get home, feed my children and do housework it’s gone 11pm. I’m barely sleeping and I feel so alone.

Please tell me that I’m not the only one trying to help a parent?

Does anyone have any tips on how to switch off.

Sorry for the long winded message, I’m just sat here at silly o clock again needing to vent x

[carlyq]

Hi. I’m not sure how long ago you posted this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My mom is a heroin/meth/ anything else she can get her hands on addict. So I really understand. It’s so awful. While you’re waiting to get into rehab can you go to AA meetings?? Go to a meeting with her and have her tell them she needs a sponsor. They will set her up with a sponsor and then you will have someone to take some of that burden off of you!! The rationing is a good idea in theory but Al Anon and every therapist would tell you it’s a bad idea. You’re trying to control her addiction and it’s impossible. It’s also not healthy- look what it’s doing to you. And what is to stop her from getting more alcohol when you’re not around? I wish I had the answer because I’ve tried it all. I’ve cut her out of my life, I’ve screamed and cried and thrown things, I’ve begged, I’ve rationed her pills, I’ve had her arrested. None of it matters. Only she can make herself stop. Your mom needs to go to inpatient rehab, for at least 30 days. I know it’s not easy or cheap though. There are usually government funded ones, but they probably have a wait list. You could call and at least get the process started.

I would tell her that you will do all you can to help her until she gets into rehab and then she’s on her own. You have to get your life back. I’m so sorry that she’s putting you through this. I’m all alone in my situation too as there is no one else in my family that is willing to do anything for her and it’s so hard and so lonely. I will be praying for you and your family.

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