How do you react and cope?

Molly432

6 replies

How do you react and cope?

My boyfriend is a cocaine addict. Yes I know, run, now. Unfortunately love gets in the way.

 

He’s been doing it for many years, way before me. I’ve been with him over 2 years. It was bad in the beginning, then it was better, now it’s becoming every couple of days. He wants to stop, but I can’t see an end to it.

My question is, how do you react and cope when he’s actually on cocaine? And the day after? He’s now started to go in the other bedroom, so we sleep separately. But he’ll constantly text me, and I reply to some, but then I’ll fall asleep and wake up to lots of messages. Asking for a cuddle, or to feel loved, or need support. At what point do you say, for my own mental health, I can’t stay up til 2am just because you’ve done cocaine. I’m a working mother. I’m exhausted. The day after I’m usually annoyed about him going to it, so I stay quiet. He usually sleeps all day. It takes me a while to switch my mood, but he said that’s what he can’t deal with, me avoiding him. But I can’t help it, I’m feeling really down!! He’s saying I’m not showing love and affection. But how can I when he just won’t stop doing cocaine!! I feel like it’s a way to say what he’s doing is OK. It’s not!! And he’s not getting any help either!

Theres no handbook for having a boyfriend with a cocaine addiction. I don’t know how to cope with it. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t have support! Who do I lean on when I’m crying the day after? How am I supposed To just put my arm around him when he just won’t stop!

Please help. I wish I could put all my feelings down, but I don’t know how.

 

  • LOVANADDICT
    Participant

    Mine has a meth addiction hes been up going on 5 days straight, hes violent on it and I’m so hurt because he was doing so good, I am sorry you are going through this. I fear whats to come if i question anything so i stay quiet. He stays in the restroom all night…idk how to cope either and i dont know how to put my feelings into words and I have nobody i can turn to and talk to about this…..I wish I could talk with you and help you and you help me, Idk how to deal with this anymore its eight years in and the drugs started a few years back

  • LOVANADDICT
    Participant

    At least yours wants love and affection, when mine is high he tells me im annoying he can’t stand me and puts me down. Says he doesnt love me doesnt care for me hates me. He’ll have sex with me, then lock himself in the restroom with his phone the remainder of the night if i ask to use the restroom im annoying. He hates me with every inch of his being when he is on this drug.

  • JAM1988
    Participant

    Mine was addict to cocaine and only did it behind my back we was together for 5 years before I found out. He even let me have a child with him during his active addiction.

    I think that he is being honest when he is using is a good thing. When the lies start is when things get really bad, hard. Mine went to the extreme of saying he was working away and checking himself into hotel rooms and sleeping in his car to avoid being caught.

    What I have definitely learnt is that your cannot force an addict and they will only stop when they are ready themselves and effort you put into attempting to force them is completely wasted.

    I ended up separating from mine for the sake of my own MH as well as my childs with no contact completely before he decided to sort his life out, after an very poor attempt at suicide, He is now 20 days into being sober and living with his parents at the moment but it took complete cut off from me and no contact with either myself or our child for almost a month before he even considered to straighten himself out.

     

  • EllieMae12
    Participant

    I understand your anger and frustration I really do. In my case it is a grown adult child. I feel I have given lots of love and support and now am mentally drained, how much more can we give? Unfortunately their addiction seems to blind them to the fact that we are human beings. not machines. I wish I could give you a solution but I am just like you, I feel I have tried everything.
    I am new to this site and whilst I don’t have any answers I can only hope that writing down our thoughts and talking to each other can help us all keep our sanity.

  • worriedsister
    Participant

    hello 

    mine started with cocaine and is now on crack… he takes it usually at the weekends. I hate it.
    it’s breaks my heart it’s ruining our relationship just feel dead inside now.
    I have children and I feel like I’m not doing right by them having him here he’s not their biological father.
    the other night I came in and he was abusive to us all and is getting more angry too.

    I am getting close to ending it as I don’t want this life for my children and I feel like a bad mother for carrying this on.

    I have a sister who was a Coke addict using daily and left her kids with nothing it’s so hard they won’t change unless they are made to or want to.

    I have no real advice coz I react terribly and it causes arguments we sleep in different rooms 99% of the time now to.
    They need to help themselves first xxx

  • FrazzlePop24
    Participant

    You can’t make them be better people.

    Addicts are selfish.

    Some, can lose everything and decide to stop using.

    Others are quite happy to use to oblivion but usually wont tell people around them that until they’ve taken their best years from them.

     

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