[halo20]

I’m a mum who found out yesterday that my son is a drug addict who has admitted to taking cocaine and heroin. The signs have been there for years I believe. Physically he looks wrecked and looks like a scummy user, he’s mounted up over 20k of debts in pay day loans – apparently he took out about 30 of them. He owes money to drug dealers and worse thing he is living with his 80 year old grand parents and they have given him over 15k. I’m shattered and so very very very angry at mo. He had a break up with a fiance and was locked out of uni a few years ago, went downhill a few times over the years with drug taking. He took kettamin at school and was found in a tip. We’ve got him help many times, he was diagnosed with adult ADHD but refuses to take medication. He hasn’t held a job for more than a few months and is aged 27 now. He either doesn’t pick up his phone or he lies and says everything is good or ok. The family has tried to deal with him over the years, mainly enabling his behaviour and addiction through love and concern of suicide. He’s been in hospital a few times. Last night was the first time he has admitted taking heroin. I’m scared for his grandparents, scared for him and the rest of his family. I’m all for playing hard ball, he has had so much help over the last decade and a half. He is going to see the doctor with his dad today, but I don’t hold any hope. I think he needs to be chucked out of his grandparents house, but all are worried about suicide and homelessness. We do not know where to turn, what to do, whom to talk to. I love him very very very very much and my heart is broken but I’m so hard towards this now. I know where this is heading and we need to protect ourselves from the lies and deceit and danger from drug dealers, especially the grandparents. Last night came to a head, father was called as son was manic and on drugs – he’s spent all his dole money on drugs and has no phone, he panicked and his dad had to stay the night. He can’t do this all the time to keep him safe. We need to mitigate safety, I think dad thinks I panic too much but it’s reached ahead …I’m totally lost here and feel there is nowhere to turn. Sorry for rant. Drugs are the worst and ruin all lives, I hate them with a vengeance. I’m so everywhere with my feelings at the mo – hatred, worry, love, hurt…

[lindyloo]

Hi Halo20 and welcome to the forum,

Everyone on this forum has been affected by alcohol and substance abuse. Either our loved ones or some people in recovery who offer wonderful advice to others.

I totally sympathise with you, im in a similar situation as my son is 27, been dabbling for 10 years, moved out but admitted (although we suspected) he had addiction to alcohol which then triggers cocaine.

Such a rollercoaster of emotions and so stressful for all involved.

Does he live alone?

I’m fortunate my son is still working, lockdown working has been a godsend.

We also paid off big debts last year, but said no more. He’s clean atm but gets anxious and fidgety come payday. All well so far.

Please don’t get stressed out , take time out for yourselves or you’ll go insane.

Don’t give him cash for anything. I usually buy groceries and cigs if I have to. Have a look at the Theresa thread…there are about 6 of us mums with sons with addictions. Its great to have the support they are lovely people even though they are heartbroken too.

The forum has a a support homepage and the Icarus trust offers support too.

No need to feel alone in this nightmare.

Always here to chat

Lx

[halo20]

Thank you,

This is the first time I’ve admitted my son is an addict. I’ll read the post on the forum and hope to gain insight and support. He doesn’t live alone, he lives with his grandparents. Debts were paid off last year by his grandparents so he has a debt to them, but recently more pay day loans have become apparent. I think heroin has come into play the past few weeks as his request to borrow money has increased to 2/3 times a week recently. He is a good man with a good heart but he has had problems now for many years and I think he is totally lost and is spiralling. He is not working and hasn’t held down a job for more than a few months in many years. All the family are very worried about suicide and have been for many years. I don’t know where to go for help for him and what works – nothing has up until now. There will be a few months of settled life, and then boom! Out of work, depression, drugs. But this time it is heroin. I’m going to read the forum now, thank you again.

[halo20]

It’s happened….one of my very worse fears. My son is homeless and I have said no to him staying with me. I am devastated and utterly heartbroken. My chest hurts, my head hurts and it feels like a bereavent. I have been crying non stop today, sobbing uncontrollably , alone. He said he was clean, and we believed him for ten days. Lots of plans for his life ect. Sunday he asked me,, his dad and grandparents for money. Because we all now communicate, he was found out and got his bag and left, smashed a phone on his way out and petrified his 80 year old grandmother. He cannot stay there anymore. He cannot stay at his dad’s as he has been violent and threatening with him (punched him and scratched his car). The only option was me……and I have turned him down so now he is homeless. The burden is mine, but I’m hoping this helps him in the long run. I cannot be his enabler. He’s met with a nice homeless woman who is going to help him with the council tomo, but he’s on cocaine now, he’s rambling. The decision is one of the most difficult I’ve ever made. I am so incredibly sad tonight and feel so utterly helpless. Sorry for rant, I am alone and cry alone. I wish it was me on the streets and him here in a nice warm home with food. He said he sang for some food yesterday and said people have been nice. Nicer than me no doubt. Thank you stranger on the street for looking after my son.

[halo20]

So, my son has been picked up by his uncle who he is close to and has been taken there for a bath and fresh clothes. Last night and the night before he slept on the streets. Last night his dad picked him up, but got a lot of verbal abuse and anger , he even accused the family of abuse and wanted to know the reasons for our marriage split 18 years ago. I received many texts, although not abusive were very rambling and long about his ADHD and he self medicates with cocaine. He is very angry.

I’m reading all of this website and most of the stories has made me cry. a lot of addicts rely on emotional manipulation for money for drugs, with loved ones giving into demands and then for the spiral to continue, continue to prison, homelessness, hospital and even death. Addicts recover, then get worse, get better, then get worse in repetitive patterns over and over and over again. Loved ones end up in debt, emotional turmoil for life, relationship breakdown, and family breakdown.

No wonder drugs ruins lives, its a business run on emotional manipulation, threats, violence and lies, and I am not going to be part of it. My son will end up dead, I know this and I have begun mentally preparing myself for this. No amount of helping, no amount of money, no amount of support will help.

I’m pretty angry today….

I’ve said no to my son coming to live with me – right or wrong, it is one of my lifes hard decisions and I stand by his regardless of anyones opinions or judgements.

I’m really angry today…

[lindyloo]

Hi Halo20,

I’m so sorry to read your recent story here. I can’t imagine how hard and difficult this has been for you. You’ve been very strong to make that decision, but you had no alternative. The drugs are taking over all your lives.

It’s a very stressful and anxious situation for you all. Are you getting any advice or support from the forum homepage or the Icarus trust?

If you click on ‘share your story ‘ then read the Theresa thread, there are about 6 of us mums sharing stories about our sons with addictions. A few of them have had to put their sons out of the house because of their behaviour due to addictions.

You need not be alone in your struggles. Stay strong and try not to give up hope, things can turn around for a person with addictions. They need to make the decision themselves that they need help first.

Always here , keep in touch

Lx

[ivy]

Hi Halo20

Thank you for sharing your story and for being so strong.

My son is 27 and Ive stopped letting him into my house since January. Most of the things you mention I have been put through. Over and over again by my son, and now I find myself weak and alone.

Sometimes I feel helpless and angry too. Angry because my sons behaviour caused this situation to exist. Helpless because it’s such a waste.

I wonder everyday if we will ever have a happy, respectful and peaceful relationship again. Recently I’ve had to question myself if. I still love my son. Part of me does but I fear It may no longer be unconditional. Right now? I don’t like the mans lifestyle one bit.

I am struggling but instead of searching the streets in the dark I’m going to look for something to lighten the load. I forget what joy feels like. My current version of joy its to be found in the little things I do for myself. Something as simple as making a cup of tea.

It’s such a sad lonely life right now, but things can change.

I’ve tried everything I know for more than a decade to help him. Now I just feel I have to look after me for a while or else I will lose my sanity .

My self esteem is lying on the floor and it doesn’t belong there! I’m giving myself a chance for a happier future.

Stay brave,

Best wishes

Ivy x

[halo20]

Thank you both Lindyloo and Ivy for your replies. thank you.

I’m sorry for your sons – we are all in ‘the club’….27 year old sons and over a decade of drugs…I reluctantly wear the t-shirt now.

I have had a read of the home page, this provided info and weblinks so thank you again. I shall get in contact with the Icarus trust tomo.

I feel I can sleep soundly tonight as my son is not on the streets, I’ve stopped crying also. But come tomorrow when he is off again….who knows?

take care ladies and thank you again.

I shall probably rant again on here, maybe go over to ‘Theresa’….ranting is just a vent for me at the mo – not too many close mates or family. xx

[lindyloo]

You’re welcome Halo, night and God bless, hope you all get a good night’s sleep.

Lx

[halo20]

It’s been a few months now, and it’s been a roller coaster ride from hell.

Long story short, he got a place in a room with a charity and for 2 months the old son emerged – happy, motivated in life, volunteering – everyone loves him u see…..and then…..his old ways came back – just like that …..our network knew the signs and within a day, we found out he has relapsed, gone stealing round shops with a fellow addict and taking drugs….life’s rich tapestry.

The truth? I feel like I’m going through a bereavement, really heavy sobbing and terrible heart reaching sadness. I’ve lost him, u know this.

I’m going to have to face up to the fact he will end up dead or in prison. I’m not going to stop him this time. I’m going to stop being his mum from this day on and never want to see him again. He’s going to end up in a coffin anyway.

Good luck to all addicts, I hope you’ve chosen well with your life, because I’m washing my hands of my son. I’m not want having this horror film anymore.

I’m out and done

He’s done this, not me

I don’t have a son anymore and I wish him dead, it’s better than going through with life how it is.

Done

[Author]

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