[crystalvision]

hey

im sorry youre going through this.

Im in the same boat but luckily no kids and we dont share a home. He has smashed numerous phones, tvs, laptops of mine. Messaged exes throughout our relationship. Lots of being accused of cheating, said I was “loose” down there. Tried to trip me up and steal my house keys, removed my window to get in my house in case I was cheating. Horrible stuff. I tried to help him with counselling and NA meetings but he never kept it up. I left him for 6 months as he was so bad on crack and he moved back to his mothers 15 miles away.

But it never left my thoughts. And I contacted him after he moved back to his mothers believing he was clean as he had started a business. We met a few times and he said he was so happy I was back.

Then I found out he was still using, still ditching me for his drug pals etc. He said Im controlling and hes entitled to the odd blow out. He also says he is fine now as he works etc now. And has been messaging exes again. I flipped out and he said im a psycho with issues.

So here I sit again, mulling it all over, reading these forums. I really feel your pain. I also had an abusive stepdad and basically cold family relationships whenI was young and i think it really affects you so you seek out the love of someone who is incapable of giving it.

He is abusing you in every way. He will never put you before drugs in my own experience. They never change. And you get under a spell somehow the worse you are treated. If he uses drugs 2-3 times a week hes an addict. And he probably lies and uses more. Mine is lovely when hes not on drugs too. But cocaine is very dangerous, be careful as mine has experienced some very serious psychosis and they are very capable of doing you physical harm. And obviously think of your kids, you do not want them in such a dangerous environment. Please be careful and I hope you find the strength to get rid of him from your life and your heart.

There are some terms like cognitive dissonance and codependency you might want to look up.

A good book I read was called Women Who Love Too Much, was helpful but i obviously havent managed to put it into action.

Im also a professional healthcare worker with a degree and my own home, car etc. But still I am not emotionally intelligent enough to break free it seems. Or he lets me go and I cant stand it.

I hope this helps somewhat. Please find your inner strength as I am trying to do. It sounds as though he has absolutely no intention of getting off drugs so you have no chance of a good relationship at this point and you are also in danger.

Best wishes to you xxx

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