[queencc31]

Hi all

I have known my partner for a few years and we have a 1.5year old together. Since I have known him, he has been using coke and drinking. He smokes cannabis every day as well.

My main issue is the coke use and the drink. This has become worse over the past year and a half.

Before I found out I was pregnant we would row a lot and it would be because he was behaving paranoid and saying nasty things to me whilst he was high off coke then slaughtered from the drink after.

I decided to end it. I then found out I was pregnant. I told him as he had the right to know. I didnt want to be with him initially because I knew he had issues.

Fast forward a few months we end up on and off during the pregnancy.

He still continued to use coke behind my back.

Everytime I had enough I would go mad about it and say I’m leaving. Or for him to leave. He would say sorry and that he wants to stop. I would ask him what is he doing to stop. He said counselling and talking doesnt help him. I tried to offer support to him, exercising and massages and things to take his mind away from it. This is all while I’m trying to deal with 2 small children.

I would get furious because I cannot see an end to it and it would break my heart watching him destroy himself. He was doing taking drugs as a party night out this was sitting downstairs alone doing it pretending he was playing on his computer.

I learnt through research to stop reacting to it, so I co.pletely stopped reacting or if I knew what he was doing I would jus ignore him.

His habit has got worse and now it is happening 3-4 nights a week. Along with the drink after.

When I have spoken to him he says that he is depressed and that he does it to take his mind away from his troubles. However he tends to end up delving deeper into his troubles once he is drinking after he runs out of coke.

This is affecting our finances massively. My mental health, I’m stressed and now suffering with anxiety.

This is because he lies to me, hides it and on many occasions has searched the whole house pulling out cupboards, bags and searching for clues of me cheating on him and then he comes to question me. And then he gets so drunk he can barely walk and it scares me.

One night I had to call an ambulance because he fell backwards down the stairs and I was horrified and worried. The paramedics were concerned on the amount he had to drink but I was too ashamed to tell them he was also using cocaine.

I have come to a realisation that I can not keep threatening to throw him out as it not practical. We argue week in and week out as when he does coke or drinks he normally has someone to blame for it…normally me.

Anyways I have tried my best to ignore it as a way of not reacting to it and to make him not focus on my reaction but rather his own actions and choices.

This stopped the arguments but did not stop him doing it.

I had a chat with him last week Wednesday about it and said I was done and he needs to leave for good. I have been through enough and I feel because he takes advantage of my good nature that I will always he there for him to pick up the pieces. I refuse to do this now.

He begged me to not end it and promised that he will do it once a week then cut down further till he eventually stops. I asked him if its something he actually wants to stop doing. He said he likes to do it I said in that case feel free but my choice is to not have him in my life. He again begged me not to end it and wants to try cutting it down to nothing.

Update… on the Thursday night I have a feeling he took small amount and I know he had a little bit to drink because I noticed the drink level had gone down. He claims he only had a little bit of drink.

Last night… he goes out to the shop. When I look out the window he is jogging to a dealer in their car and I told him what I saw. He says he was paying him back money he owed . I cant take the lies i know he got more from him. I cannot cope anymore.

Now today i havent spoken to him all day. I am wanting him to leave but I am hurting I cannot gather the energy to even talk to him about leaving. I love him so much but this is breaking me and affecting me terribly.

I know he has a problem with it. Which he half admits and half denies. He hasnt attempted any help and keeps promising things.

Deep in my heart I know he isnt proud of it. But then again is this the good nature of me giving him the benefit of the doubt?

I know that the effects if drug use can cause many issues and I know he has a big problem like an illness. Plus the depressive stuff he says. He wont help himself. I know I cannot help him now.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that your partner’s drug and alcohol habit is affecting you so badly and making you ill. If you would like some help please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people like you, dealing with addiction in their family. If you get in touch one of our trained and experienced Family Friends would talk with you and may be that would help you to move forward.

You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[Author]

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