[anchor99]

I’m new to this but I’m so desperate and feel so isolated.

My 19 year old son has been misusing all the drugs possible for a few years now. I have tried everything I can alone to support him and get him help. I had to ask him to leave our home two years ago due to his Xanax addiction and bringing others into our home using it as a drug den. For the last two years he has been staying with grandparents on both sides. He outstays his welcome every time though his behaviour, manipulation, aggression and lack of desire to sort himself out and stick to detox programs.

He’s been trying to detox from Xanax for almost 3 years but doesn’t succeed. He tells me he has overdosed 7 times ranging from crack, heroin, opium. He last overdosed two months ago on holiday. I got him a rehab program and I’m currently supporting him through his 4th attempt but this time in Europe where my mother lives. He refuses inpatient treatment, so is an outpatient, the day after he started his detox he started smoking Opium in front of me in my mother’s house, I tried talking about the risks etc but he refused to hear it. I’m alone with him as my mother is away and I don’t speak the language so can’t reach out for support here. In the last 4days he’s turned the house into a drug den with two people he met here, they are all smoking opium that they collected themselves from a nearby field and refuse to leave when I tell them to and he refuses to stop. I’m helpless and I’m done, I can’t go on with this anymore. I’m scared he will lose his temper if I face up to him again, he’s abusive and aggressive.

This is so painful and scary to watch im so traumatised by it all. I want to leave and go home and let go of him now because he’s so far gone. When my mother tells him to leave that’s it. His last place of safety is gone. In the past he’s lived in squats and crack dens. He’s used up all of his family resources now.

I’m so sad, angry, scared, depleted, defeated. A living nightmare and hell, I’m stuck in my room as he’s taken over the whole house with them, up all night. The place is a mess and I’m in some kind of shock trauma again. I love him so much but he’s gone, he’s not my boy anymore. He’s in ultimate denial and it’s the most painful experience to see and be in.

[icarus-trust]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sad to read what a terrible time you are having and how isolated you are feeling trying to deal with your son’s addiction.

Please contact us at The Icarus Trust if you would like to talk with people who would listen and understand what you are going through.

We are a charity that supports people like yourself who are affected by another’s addiction. We have trained and experienced people you could talk with which, hopefully, would help you to feel not so alone and help to find a way ahead.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck with everything. Hoping that you can get some help.

[Author]

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