[wagtail]

As a mum of a 38 year old coke and alcohol addicted son I would like to ask do others tell friend and family that their son is a user?

I have had so many occasions in the past when I have had to leave a night out with friends to pick him up and it’s very embarrassing knowing what to say.

However my thoughts are this week to start being honest with everyone, what do others think?

I’m angry this week as he hasn’t been home since Monday and is off on a ‘bender’ I’ve no idea where he is but am trying to get on with my life as I know he will pitch up at some point full of remorse and guilt !

[icarus-trust]

Hi Wagtail,

Thanks for posting. I’m sorry that your son’s addiction has such an impact on your life and that you find it difficult to talk to your friends about it.

I work for Icarus Trust a charity that provides support for people dealing with addiction in their family. if you get in touch you could speak with one of our trained and experienced Family friends who would listen and help you to find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps. Good luck.

[wagtail]

Hi And thank you fir your kind response I will get in touch with them x

[halo20]

I’ve told family members and select friends. I do not divulge info, just info like if he’s tested positive, how devastating the news is, and how much of a roller coaster ride life is currently. I MUST and CAN stay positive for my own sanity. I MUST emerge myself in normal activities and some form of positivity amoungst all of the usual and repetative devastation and negativity. I won’t lend money, I wont have him living with me but I chat with him daily and congratulate him when his life has some form of normality. I can worry myself to death and hit an extremely low low period last October when it emerged he tested positive for heroin and crack. I think their are stages to ‘loss’ – shock, denial, sadness, anger, acceptance. I have gone through each and every stage – sadness hit me rock bottom. I think I am now in acceptance – there is nothing I can do – I hate saying this but it is what it is. I still cry but its not at such depth nowdays. I cannot listen to some songs without getting really really sad – knocking on heavens door makes me sob as its about heroin and death. I offer no advice as we are all individuals, I only offer condolence with my experience of this fucking horrible drugs. But I am off to do some gardening, cooking today and the spring flowers are up. take care and look after yourself and your mental self. It is REALLY important to get through each of these stages. You got this…x

[halo20]

I have no shame with my son and his addiction, I will fight hell or high water to protect him, and I think snippets of this help helps him during different times. He called me when he was homeless, he talks to me when he talks to no one else. I call him out when I think he is lies, I tell him its the drugs that I hate not him and I keep saying my mantra – ‘drugs don’t work they just make things worse’. I say words are not enough, he needs a foundation and anyone can build a foundation, but not on words alone. He understands this – we say his foundations are made of paper currently – but collectively paper can be made of cardboard and this can be built on. Actions build foundations. I have told people I am having a tough time with my son. When I was at the ‘shock’ stage I could not go out with friends or enjoy life at all – I sobbed all day for about a month. I got extremely depressed and quite ill. This passed to ‘anger’ – I was fucking angry with everybody and my life, I blamed myself for my sons drug addiction and hated myself, detested myself with such anger. But….age has its advantages hasdn’t it? I understood the stages and told myself ‘you will get through it’, ‘you get one life’, ‘ you cannot help him if he cannot help himself’…bla bla…Basically I became a best friend to myself, talking in context, helping myself out. I dont tell people this, but during this ‘acceptance’ stage I am more open to telling people, not all detail, just what is happening on the roller coaster ride. My son looks like an addict – he doesn’t wash, eat, sleep, has odd thoughts, steals, nicks ect. I dont tell people this. He now sees a different side to life, he has found work, he has one true friend and a whole family who love him very very very much. I hope this life looks better to him than heroin and crack. I accept this is going to be his life for a very long time. He is musical and creativer and I hope this will help him out of this pit currently. Thier are a lot of parents on this site going through exactly this. This is a horrible club we are all in. Be strong when you feel you cant be strong anymore. Use his site – I think I have vented at each stage, nothing should be cencorsed. I will not censor heroin and crack and will face up to it – it will not break me, ever. Never. my son deserves that. xxx

[halo20]

spelling is not my forte!!! apologies 🙂

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