[yesokthen]

I have been with my partner for 15+ yrs and we have two children and jt mortgage. I have asked him to leave. There is a background of frequent heavy drinking but in recent years it is occasional. He often returns from work and disappears to garden office returning drunk. He always says no when I ask if he has had a drink but clearly has. I have found empty bottles hidden in the bin, behind shelves etc Two weeks ago he asked for my help and admitted to being an alcoholic but this weekend he went for three pints with friends. I could handle that but then he got progressively more drunk and he was clearly topping up again in secret. He can go days, sometimes weeks without a drink but then the lying/hiding bottles starts again and I am the unreasonable, nagging partner. I have, over the years, retreated into myself and rarely see friends or socialise. I have lost myself and feel quite lonely. Is he an alcoholic if he can leave it for weeks.?

[bt1978]

Hi

Thank you for reaching out. That takes guts

Based on what you have written it reads as classic alcoholic behaviour to me. In fact all of that is outlined in the AA basic text.

People have a pre conceived idea of what an alcoholic is, the reality is actually very different. People can hold down jobs, go a few days without it etc – the end result is always the same -it gets worse not better.

Often overlooked is the impact alcoholism has on the family and not just the alcoholic. What you describe is very common as your husband is only worried about drinking

There is help on offer for you and him if you want it with AA and Al Anon meetings

I can answer any questions you have as I am 12 years sober this year

[yesokthen]

Thank you so much for responding. I really do appreciate this as I have been going around in circles for years with this, trying to make it work for our children and our family home life. I have found just taking the time to set out in words what has been happening helpful. He returned home tonight and said he was viewing properties this weekend. We will see….

[Author]

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