[ivelostmyman]

I have no idea where my boyfriend has gone. He (M36) and I (F37) have been together for 9 years and in that time we have gone through so much shit. I’ve been through two breakdowns which led me to being diagnosed with a serious mental illness. It meant that I had to stop work and the responsibilities have all been down to him.

After I lost my job we had to move into my Mums and we ended up staying there for 4 years. I won’t go into all the details, but I basically broke him.

He has always loved a drink, as have I, but over the last 18 months his drinking has got out of hand.

He would usually drink at the weekends, then it crept into the week. After eventually moving out of my Mums, our lives dramatically improved, as did my mental health.

However, he has since gone down hill, it’s like a delayed reaction to l the stuff we went through.

Since the lockdown it has got out of control and he is averaging 12 cans of beer every day. So much so that most mornings he can’t remember what happened the night before.

I like a drink, and have been drinking more during the lockdown, but at the most I’ve had 4 at a time.

A few weeks ago he got really drunk and started messing around with a Stanley knife (I have no idea why or how it started) and it ended with him waving in front of my face. (I want to stress here that he has never been emotionally or physically abusive) I put my hands up in self-defense, and he ended up slicing my hand. There was so much blood, but thankfully I didn’t need medical attention and it has healed nicely.

Every day throughout this awful lockdown he has been drunk. He never drinks as soon as he wakes, but he will start as early as he can. Some days it’s 2pm, others it’s 12pm and some days (depending on his hangover and how much money we have) it won’t be till 4pm (and he is proud of himself if he doesn’t drink till later in the day).

As I said earlier, he is averaging 12 cans, today it has been 16 cans and 2 bottles, the most I have ever seen him drink.

In the morning he is already thinking about drinking, and starts the day off with “I’m not going to drink today” but by lunchtime he has already given in and decided he is going to drink.

He and I have been addicted to cannabis for the past 6 years and we stopped smoking at the beginning of lockdown. I think this has what has made him drink more now that we aren’t smoking. I’ve had problems with addiction in many ways, I also have alcoholic parents. I was ok with his drinking when he would have a few pints, but now I don’t recognise him. He has just passed out on the sofa and says that he wants to be drunk when he goes to bed so he “will sleep”.

We have a lot of debt and financial problems. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last year soon after we moved into our house (after being at my Mums). He didn’t work for 8 months and in that time we got into massive arrears with all of our bills. Both of us hid away from the problems but we are finally getting back on track.

I know that he is using to self medicate, I have been there, I’m no saint. I know he is drinking so he doesn’t have to face his worries, But now it is having a huge impact on our relationship. We are arguing all the time. He makes nasty comments and digs when he is drunk. He said that all the responsibilities are on him and he can’t take it any more. I don’t know who he is any more. He was my best friend and now I don’t want to be around him.

I will stop rambling now. Just don’t have anyone I can talk to about this.

I hope you are all ok. Apologies for the long post. Take care and be safe x

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that things have gone down hill for you especially since lockdown. This must be really tough for you.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support for people who are dealing with the impact of a partner’s addiction. I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone to talk with but, if you think it would help, we could offer you one of our trained and experienced people to talk with if you get in touch

I am concerned that you got hurt. Please don’t forget that you can can get help, information and advice if you need it by phoning the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. This line is free and confidential and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck with everything.

[ivelostmyman]

Hi, thanks for your reply.

I went on to your website and sent the same message, as you suggested, but I’ve not had a reply. Do I need to send an email directly rather than sending a message via your webpage?

I really need some support and it’s a shame that nobody has come back to me.

Please can you let me know what the best thing to do. I appreciate, that with the current covid situation, that you have less staff. But I was hopeful that someone would come back to me.

I will try again via email and see if that works.

Many thanks

Gem

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