- This topic has 18 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 6 months ago by danman83.
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April 7, 2019 at 1:17 pm #5143danman83Participant
So basically i lapsed on coke after 6 week. Normally i drink then get coke. But this time i didnt drink but bumped in to a friend who sold it. And then i asked him for some.. god knows why.. when i had it in my hand i.thought about trucking it away. I feel so pissed off with myself.
Ive been neglecting sites and apps like this, thinking im ok now, but im not. So ill have to come on these sites everyday now looking for and helping with support.
Absolutely gutted with myself:(
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April 7, 2019 at 4:19 pm #11840hoxParticipant
Daman, don’t be too hard on yourself.
You have been doing really well and you know it’s not going to be easy. You know yourself that you have deleted social media and don’t socialise with these people. Now you know that temptation is going to be there when you bump into friends, you can do something about it.
Don’t neglect us we are here to support you and we like to hear how you are getting on, plus you can help so many people on here too with your experiences.
Go easy on yourself.
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April 7, 2019 at 5:23 pm #11841danman83Participant
Thanks hox. It means a lot. I went back on social media. Big mistake.. so this time ive totally deleted it. Its 3 month exactly till my hol. So im targeting my self to that. And ill be on this site everyday and others helping myself.
I told my gf. She wasnt happy 1 bit and i dont blame her. But ill just have to start again.
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April 7, 2019 at 6:53 pm #11851gilParticipant
Hey temptation is always there. But what you’ve done is realised it and addressing it and that makes you a stronger person!
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April 7, 2019 at 7:25 pm #11852dnanonParticipant
Hi Danman, thought you had gone quiet. Again though you seem to hate the stuff soon afterwards and annoyed with yourself. You don’t go on a binge which is good and come to your senses immediately after. It must be really hard as even though you have deleted all bad contacts etc you will always bump into someone somewhere to tempt you. You are still doing really well and just need to focus on all the positive things you have done whilst you have been clean.
I didn’t get my Mother’s Day card or text after all. I was so upset. My husband had taken our son out for lunch last Friday but didn’t talk about anything that would cause friction. I text my son last Sunday and asked if I could pick him up and take him for a ride but got no response. He seems to be focussing on seeing his kids which I suppose is good. I haven’t contacted him since and don’t think I will anymore. I think he must still be taking cocaine and feels guilty and that’s why he doesn’t want to see or speak to me.
Glad you back on track and keeping focussed for your hol in 3 months time. Even when you stay clean it would be nice for you to share as it gives others hope for their partners/family members. Your tips and advice are invaluable on this site.
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April 7, 2019 at 7:59 pm #11855danman83Participant
Thanks dnanon..thats exactly how i am..can go with out and just have it the once and then something grabs me to get it. I had it in my hand thinking… do i really want this? ..
Hes a bit out of order not speaking to you on mothers day.. how come he lets his dad take him out for a meal and doesnt respond to you? U dont need to answer that if its something personal. Its just a bit strange.
But i am back on here and staying more focused till my hol. Hope your ok.
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April 7, 2019 at 8:38 pm #11858kindredcoyoteParticipant
Hiya, it won’t let me reply on my post to your reply but I just wanted to say, don’t be too hard on yourself for a relapse. You’ve got this. You recognise the trigger and you didn’t go on a binge. Stick with it. You’re going to do it 🙂
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April 7, 2019 at 10:36 pm #11866dnanonParticipant
His dad will keep chipping away and sending him texts. Eventually he seems to get through to him but he didn’t ask any awkward questions when he took him out. At least I was able to ask how he looked etc, although my husband said he didn’t want to really look at him. We are both scared of saying or doing anything that will stop the contact. Both me and his dad have supported our son together and we are supporting each other continually. Like I said before my son sent me a text the week before Mother’s Day sending his love and said he had a card but didn’t do the same on the actual day. This is why I think he is still taking cocaine as he probably had some on the Saturday and so was on a come down the next day. I really don’t know I think my son was taking it not just at weekends as eventually he couldn’t hold down a job and still isn’t working.
It was lovely to get the text from him even a week early but there hasn’t been anything since. Anyway glad you are back on board ☺️
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April 8, 2019 at 4:26 pm #11870danman83Participant
I think your probably right.. he probably did want to see you on mother days. But he could of been coming down off coke and you might of questioned him. Thats just a thought tho. Hopefully he will come round soon. If he is using. He might have to hit rock bottom before he ask for help.
And cheers 🙂
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April 9, 2019 at 5:35 pm #11890icarus-trustParticipant
Hi Danman,
So sorry to hear but please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve done so well and can get back on top of this again I know.
You are such a help to other people on this site.
Take care of yourself.
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April 10, 2019 at 1:25 am #11904danman83Participant
Thank you so much , i really appreciate this. Im back to normal and it was just one blip again. But im going to prepare my self better next time thanks
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April 12, 2019 at 1:01 pm #11943dfhParticipant
Hey, I agree with others don’t be hard on yourself. I found that when I quit it, it wasn’t so much the taking it but more the having it if that makes sense. I can relate to your situation a lot, you prob asked for it because it was an opportunity at that moment where you felt you had split second to take it or leave it. Next time you might look at it differently, I looked at it like – well I can get it, but really what’s the point. I will feel crap and low and like I’ve let myself down. And if I have money to spare for that then I should just buy something for my kids. That worked. I felt I had to retrain my thoughts. This also helped me feel like I had a choice, if you feel you have a choice you have more control.
I’ve ditched all social media, I don’t regret it and it’s helped massively.
You have the strength and inner will to do this!!! Take care
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April 12, 2019 at 1:44 pm #11944danman83Participant
Thanks dfh.. its exactly how i feel. I can now go a month with out, then all of a sudden its there in front of me more or less. Most times i say no.. i think it may be when im just down.. god knows. But im going to be more aware this time, thanks
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April 12, 2019 at 1:53 pm #11945dfhParticipant
You will get there honest, I only get the feeling every now and then. When I do I just do something else. Oh and I became addicted to my ecig instead!! Lol! I have enough to keep me busy trying to keep other half on the straight and narrow which also doesn’t help coz I think why’s he having all the fun. But then I remember what it does and realise it’s not worth it.
Don’t forget, these people sell it to make money, don’t be their easy payday….I’m done funding their lives and the bigger sharks nice fancy cars and houses.
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April 12, 2019 at 9:39 pm #11955danman83Participant
Thanks mate. Im feeling fresh tonight, and going metal detecting with my little boy tommorow. I cant wait lol
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April 13, 2019 at 12:38 am #11958dfhParticipant
No probs, enjoy your day with your lad tomorrow and remember those days with your kids are the ones you live for 🙂
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April 13, 2019 at 10:36 am #11964dnanonParticipant
Hi Danman, not much to add with regard to seeing my son but just thought I would update. He worked on a job with his dad the other day and he tried to get him to come and have lunch at our house so he could see me. He wouldn’t come and told his dad it’s because he is embarrassed and he is scared of me asking questions. I am still leaving it as so far I have done all the running. His brother is having a football party for his son and all the kids are invited so we will see whether he brings them.
Anyway hope you have a brill day with you son. Hope you find some hidden treasure ☺️
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April 13, 2019 at 3:13 pm #11967danman83Participant
He doesnt want to go now.. im gutted lol but its because my 8 year old layla, has her friends staying over so the house is full of girls, so he doesnt want to come with me lol.
That what your son has said, is sort of a good thing. Because he does want to see you, and he is embarassed. Which i was when my mum found out.
May be.. this is just an opinion.. tell him you wont bring it up and not to be embarassed and if he needs help you will be there.
Im only saying this as i have kids and i couldnt bare not seeing them, and i know your the same, but he wont incase you mention the coke. But its best off leaving that maybe for now, just so you can see and speak to him..
Thats my opinion.. its entirely up to you what you do. Have a good weekend mate
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