[summer83]

Hi, I’m new to this forum thing but I’m trying to figure out how I truly feel and as anyone who has an addict loved one knows… it’s quite an isolating experience and many of us find ourselves with no one to talk to. Especially people who understand.

My husband is an addict, cocaine and alcohol. We’ve been married for almost 8 years and his using has been going on for 6 years. I was incredibly shocked when I found out but stood by him and we put plans in place for him to have therapy and sort out his financial worries as a result of his using. Unfortunately all these years later he’s about to go back to rehab for the 3rd time. I’ve stood by him, cared for him, accepted all of the lies, heartache and debt. All because I love him so very much but I’m exhausted and I’m not sure what marriage we have left.

He’s a wonderful person when he’s straight but he has let me down so many times, there is no longer any trust left. I’ve put him first for such a long time but I’m wondering now where I fit in? What about what I want from life? My happiness? It has all been on hold for such a long time. It’s a painful decision to let go, but when is enough enough?

[stillhopeful2019]

Hey, just wanted to say you’re not alone. I left my husband of 13 years a few months ago. I left with my two young children. I was hoping this would be the wake up call he needs but still he hasnt asked for any help and relapsed many times, more recently this weekend. I decided enough was enough when I realised this is not what life is about. Yes I love him, yes it hurts me to think he is going through this but I realise one thing, until they get help, we are powerless. All the threats and ultimatums in the world will not stop them using. I dont think they enjoy it but they are addicts. Our minds dont work like theirs. They have to want to change. But one thing I realised, that life was not good for me or my kids, the unpredictable behaviour, the broken promises, the financial strain, honestly I just one day had enough and realised this is not life! I was hoping leaving him would make him realise what he has got to lose but still, he hasnt got professional help. He thinks he can do it himself, decided to turn to god but that doesnt last long. I have no doubt he doesnt want to be like this but he has to realise that until he gets professional help, he will most likely not be able to fight this alone. He uses alcohol and cocaine most weekends, he works during the week but come Friday, he finishes work and cant help it, he gets his stuff and then gets high. I am so glad I left, my kids seem more relaxed, we have a good support network. I have told him that until he gets professional help, he can kiss goodbye to any chance of us being together. All I can say is, you will realise when enough is enough, when your so mentally, emotionally, physically and financially drained that u cant carry on. I feel free now, able to make choices based on our needs and not worry about him messing things up again. Seriously 13 years of weekend use is a staggering amount of time and he seriously thinks he can control it himself, erm nah dont think so but I have left him to his own devices. I was hoping we could be a family again but I am highly doubtful and I have reduced contact significantly since his relapse last weekend. Just like you, I stood by him but eventually realised he is a broken record and surely life is for living. YOLO!!

[chase666]

I agree with the reply above. I’m an addict (Not cocaine), painkillers. I’ve started a taper plan with the help of my partner.

It’s your life, you cannot put it on hold, the same way as I don’t expect my partner to put hers on hold for me. You’ve given him chance after chance, unless he wants to change, he won’t. I’ve considered leaving my partner previously because I hated my anxiety/depression was having an effect on her.

I’d put the ball in his court, you’ve done your bit, as hard as it is you need let him sort himself out and you need to get on with enjoying your life, you only have one, why waste it?

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